Have I done too much to save my marriage?

Question

A month ago my wife says she doesn't love me the way I deserve. I didn't get angry, I was stunned. My wife took my not being angry as my not caring. Later I came to find I was just really disappointed. I was so devastated that I could not be angry. I was completely blindsided and didn't see it coming. Was I to blame for this?

As it turns out, we immediately went to singles and marriage counseling. The marriage counselor said John give her space. We separated, I moved out. It was hard. I emailed her, I went to our house not 5 days later and spent the whole day there. Then 4 days later is her birthday and I went all out. I bought flowers, I wrote all kinds ot things about my feelings for her. I did everything I thought was right.

Both therapists say I'm trying too hard and that I'm actually pushing her away. My individual therapist says I'm putting too much pressure on my wife and that I need to back off.

I also learned that I am hard on myself, am a bit of a perfectionist, am impatient at times, and I don't let out my feelings.

So, I have to make my outside the same as what's going on inside. I have to stop sweating the small stuff. I have to not contact my wife whatsoever for the next 10 days which is when our next session is. I have to do things that make me happy. Which is going to be hard, because I am happiest when I'm with her, but what the h**l, I'll figure it out. I also have to stop perceiving things as if they are posessions. I've just got to be me whoever that is.

So, is it to late for me to change and save our marriage? Have I pushed her too far?

Answer 1

I am sorry but the only person that can answer your question is your wife. I recommend you continue doing what your counselor and wife requests and avoid any confrontation. Otherwise, you will push her too far.

Through this process you are learning more about yourself and that's great. You are able to identify your strengths and weaknesses and make changes needed for self-improvement.

Hang in there College Sam - you will be fine   :)

Answer 2

Your therapists had talk to her and understand her feeling and personality. Your flower and love letter may work on most woman, but maybe be her. Listen to your therapists, she should have express she feel guilty for leaving you and very confusing now, if you keep pushing, she will be more confuse and simply try to run away from you instead of sit down and think through it. She may still love you, but not knowing it. The therapist is helping her to figure it out.

Later maybe she realize she don't want to be together because your strong temper (for example, not real), but deep down she can't live without you, then she will give you chance to change and let's work it out together and save our marriage.

You see the whole picture?  

Answer 3

No.  Your doing the right things.  You might want to stop with the buttery notes though when people are fighting alot things like that can really cause the situation to get worse.  It's like your kissing @ss if you know what I mean.  Do somethings to yourself that you liked before marriage, whatever those may be.