Have I totally abandoned my mentally ill drug addicted fiance?

Question

We were supposed to get married the end of this month.About 4 months ago he went on a drug binge, lost his job, went to court for possession and now has a warrant for another crime on his record.Everything just went to h**l so fast. He has been in 3 rehabs since April & 5 hospitals to detox cause once he is is released he will go right back to using. I have stopped taking his calls I have finally realized that my being in his life is not helping. If he has love & support of me & his family he still messes up, so I figure why should I stay? All he does is lie & manipulate me & his family. We do have a child together & he has been able to stay clean for years at a time. I try not to wonder where he is for his phone calls have stopped I havent talked to him in weeks. I know he is alive. But do you think he just doesn't want anything to do with me? It's nothing worse then being rejected by someone who is "normal" but to be rejected by someone who is mentally ill & addicted to drugs can really hurt a girl. Also why do I fear that he may overdose because I pushed him away, or find someone else? I know pulling away is the best for me but why am I so afraid? I am trying to be strong and stand my ground if this is the life he wants then I have accepted that...but the fear wont go away. Anyone else experience this & may know what he is thinking out on the streets? Anyone ever get over someone who is mentally ill and a addict? Will he ever hit rock bottom & realize the loss of his future wife and daughter? Is my abandoneing him the only way for him to wake up? Please help...

Answer 1

At this point, there is nothing that you can do for him. You cannot control other people.

At this point, you need to do what is good for you, which is to get far away from his bad influence.  If he wants to shape up, then he needs to decide that for himself.

Answer 2

That's a tough one, cause no one can say what he is thinking except for him.

I think you did the right thing for you and for your daughter by walking away from him, even though it's extremely hard and heartbreaking.  You don't want to raise your daughter in a dysfunctional home, which yours will most likely be if he is in the picture.

It is possible for him to improve his life, to prove to you that he is worthy of you.  But this is when he needs to pick up the responsibility and take the initiative to make it better.  You can't fix him.  You can't do any more than you've already done.  But you DO need to make sure that, if he comes back to you asking for another chance, he proves himself, and make sure he understands that he has used up his chances and if he messes up again, it's over.