Have You Ever Just Felt Completely Helpless To Help Your Child/ren?

Question

I have to say I have been helpless a few times, and it's horrible. Just the fact you cannot fix the situation, and it's totally out of your control.

I watch our eldest scream out at night, & I can't stop it. I hug him and tell him it's all going to be ok, but I can't stop his past from haunting him.

I couldn't control that our second eldest was going to be born with hearing problems. I can't control the fact he has sleep apnea and stops breathing night after night - I hate seeing it.

Then our youngest was born with a bowel problem, I hate seeing him at 4.5 months old screaming in pain. I hug and hold him, but I can't make the pain go away. Then I watch his Daddy beat himself up over it, when he hasn't done anything.

Have you just ever wished you could fix everything with a *Band-Aid*??

Answer 1

For sure i felt like that. I think it tends to be a natural parental instinct.

From the moment they were born, 9 weeks early i felt it was my fault, and hated that i was so completly helpless to help them, -  with things like learning how to drink on their own and putting on weight so that they could come home.

Since then, every now and then a problem may arise that i wish i could take away their pain for them (for Zach's first 6 months he constantly screamed, and no-one could tell me why - those poor little cries hurt so much) So i  hide my own tears so that they dont know i bad i feel for them (yep, i'm a bit of a baby when it comes to my babies).

Its weird at how deeply you feel for your children, you dont seem to know that until you've actually had them do you.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel - my oldest had some problems and had to be hospitalized, it was horrible, there was nothing I could do to fix it.

Answer 3

yes, on a daily basis.  My middle son has autism (high functioning, thank god) - but still - its so hard to see him struggle and as he gets older and starts noticing he's "different".  He also gets chronic ear infections and has had tubes put in 3 times and it pains me to see him suffer.

I have two other kids, and I've had numerous times I feel powerless...... from everything to their tonsillectomies, to nightmares at night, to a friend being mean to them, when they're run of the mill sick..... I just wish I could protect them from ever having to feel any pain or heartache in their life.  I just want them to be happy, feel safe and secure always.  

Sigh.

Answer 4

Open your heart to God, He will help you and you will feel safe.

Answer 5

I too wish I had one of those magic band aids for my kids, though their problems are minor but still break my heart. My daughter is anxious over everything, the other day her kindy was going to watch a performance and I couldn't go (not enough tickets) and she was devastated, she desperately wanted to go. Eventually a teacher took her and I watched as my daughter sobbed her way inside.....she had a great time but the vision of watching her so torn is awful.

The there is my boy....for the last two months he has gone from being a happy, laughing boy to a screaming mess, he has tantrums over absolutely nothing, he wakes constantly at night and screams because I leave him to go back to sleep (if I stay he plays all night long), he bites, he scratches, pinches and smacks because he isn't happy. He has been unwell for the last 6 weeks with never ending colds and flu's......and now a bout of conjunctivitis that just wont go away. All I want is my happy boy back, I see pics of him on my computer and the occasional glimpse peeking through the black cloud over his head every now and again.........I still wonder what happened...he isn't even a teen.

Answer 6

My daughter had bacterial meningitis at 12days old.  She was extremely critical.  I know that helpless feeling well.  I would close my eyes and just pray that I could make it all go away.  It broke my heart that I couldn't just fix her.  Isn't that what mommies are supposed to do?  Kiss the boo boo and it magically heals.  Then a nurse had a talk with me.  She said "your touch and your love is healing.  She knows she is safe when she has you near.  Just love her and she will hurt less".  And that is what I did.  I focused all of my energy on just loving her.  I loved as hard as I could.  I believe it did ease her pain and mine!!  Best wishes to you and your family!

Answer 7

Thats called being a parent, its because we love them so much that we want to fix everything. If l could l would swap places with my kids whenever they are in pain sad etc... in a heartbeat.

Answer 8

Oh there have been more times than I can count I have felt totally helpless and daddy beating himself up did not help. Looking back on it I really find that a totally selfish act and if he had of gone with the flow a bit more it would have helped and supported me more.

These days when things get out of control I just say out loud 'life is hard get used to it' because thats exactly the truth things will get out of your control and the best thing you can do is take it in stride so as your children see you not panicing about it and can tackle these problems in life calmly themselves. The best thing you can teach children is strength because in this life they will need it.

I know what you mean about your baby in pain when my son was born he had a blockage in his kidney and the anti biotics he was on for a few weeks really caused him stomach problems and he would scream and scream and he was just so little. When these things happen to your kids I liken it to a person ripping your heart out of your chest and running around the room with it on a stick. Even babies though feel a parents stress and this does not help the situation try to rationalise at the time and stay calm. Even though you can not stop the pain just you being there for your baby is helping more than you know. The thing children most appreciate is when mummy and daddy hold them when they cry even if it doesn't help anything at all the feeling of love and security is something pleasent they take into adulthood. ,

Answer 9

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Seeing your babies in pain and knowing you can't help it is the worst thing in the world.

Answer 10

Yes I do, I wish this past weekend I could have fixed everything.  But our prayers were answered, and I just want to cry for joy instead of sadness.  This past Friday, my daughter was found at the bottom of the pool, but is finally home and doing great. And I wish I could go back and change that day completely.

Answer 11

Yes... I hear what you are saying. My oldest daughter was born with several kidney problems, as well as growth issues. Half dozen surgeries later....

Her childhood has suffered from it.

Her time away from children her age has also affected her social skills.

Good luck to  you and your children.

Answer 12

yes. gracie has been crying all day yesterday for an ear infection, and she's been repeatedly saying ow. and i cant get her to a doctor until the next day, so i just had to listen to my poor baby girl in pain and i couldnt do anything about it. i felt horrible