Have some general questions about adoption?

Question

I am trying to adopt a kid that is 16 and i am 19, he does not know who his father is and he is living with his friend. how do I legally adopt him? (he has ran away from home and his mother knows where he is but she never trys to get him to stay home) what should I do?

Answer 1

Hi Bob,

While I realize you only want to help him, if this 16 year old is not related to you, it is very unlikely you would be granted permission to adopt him.

The adoption process is quite lengthy and there are many requirements. 21 is usually the minimum age required for the prospective adoptive parent. Some states also have laws that you must be at least 15 years older than the child you wish to adopt. Sometimes there are requirements about being married for X number of years first. Sometimes single people may adopt. You would always need to complete a homestudy first. You would need to demonstrate that you are financially stable, provide references, have a physical, have a home that has been determined to be safe and adequate, have a criminal background check completed, among many other criteria. Then it would take at least another 6 months of him living with you before you could go to court and have it finalized by a judge.

The judge would look at what the best options for that particular child would be. His natural parents would have to either relinquish their parental rights to him, or have them terminated in a court proceding. Since he has run away from home, the judge may determine that counseling may be appropriate for that child. Legally, his parents are still his parents. They would have to do a search for his father before his rights could be terminated. Even if all that happened, I'm saying it would not be likely that a judge would allow you to adopt him because of how close in age the two of you are.

There are other options such as guardianship or emancipation of the child. Those also would have to go before a judge to be legal. There are still other ways you could help him without adopting him. The best role you could probably play in his life right now would be that of a big brother, a good friend or a mentor. Good luck Bob.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 2

I agree with the others, adoption is likely impossible, and most likely not the best course of action anyway.

Personally, I think you should call legal aide or other legal resources and see if you can get him a lawyer for free or for very little cost.  (BTW, even if could adopt him you would still need to get a lawyer.)  Discuss options with the lawyer, s/he will most likely suggest what has been suggested here, emancipation or guardianship.  The lawyer will also be able to tell you how to acheive each and the relative effort and cost involved.

The fact that he has someone like you bodes well for him, and may even be considered when he has to go before the courts.

Answer 3

I have to agree with Julie J adoption is probably not going to happen. i have a young man living with me who is also 16. Our story is a little different but the end result is similar. He can not be emancipated because he can not work and increase his GPA enough to get him into a community college or trade school. With lots of work his current GPA is a 1.19. As long as there is significant imporvement in his attitude, and grades, I think I can keep this going on for quite a while.

Be a friend, be a roll model, see if his mom won't let him stay providing there are imporvements in her relationship with him and in his grades. Ask what her requirements are.

For the first time in my young mans life he is starting to think about his future and actually make a plan. Maybe you can do the same thing.

Here are some of my requirements:

Learning to cook, sew on a button, sew closed a seam, dishes, laundry (complete with proper water temperature and like items, such as darks, whites) tying a tie, using an iron, preparing dress clothes the night before (needed for basketball game days) using a snow blower, cutting the grass, cleaning a litter box, feeding animals, taking out the garbage, dusting, vacuming, cleaning mirrors and bathroom facilities, changing sheets, and study techniques. Some of these things dont require any brain power but remembering to get them done in advance does. Like the dress clothes and th garbage. Remembering that he has a game the next day and needs clean clothes, remembering its garbage night, remembering that the cats need to be fed.

Believe it or not there are only two things on this list he knew how to do. It teaches responsibility and the care of others. These are all important if he is going to get out on his own and have room mates, and it is what has kept him here so long. His relationship with his father has imporved and he is turning into a man.

It is ultimately up to him if he wants to stay where he is. It may sound like I have a new slave but it has taken lots of my time to teach him all these things. His first experince with chopping onions resulted with my son taking the knife away from him. He left the outer skin on. I was impressed that my son stepped in. So was the young man, my boys know all this stuff already. In turn his father taught my son how to fist fight. I'm not sure how I feel about that but it came in handy recently.

My point is, you can teach him things and improve his skills, grades, relationships with others without any legal action as long as it is approved by the parent. This way they do not feel threatened they are losing their child.