Have you Evolved?

Question

In your views on adoption.

Has this site furthered or changed your views about adoption in any way? It has for me.

I'm wondering how this site has changed people's views in any direction.

Answer 1

It scares me.

Answer 2

Ive learned a little but mostly ive just been offended. its hard to "evolve" when people are attacking you

Answer 3

absolutely!!!

I  was WAY too ignorant of aLOT of issues when I first came here..

I am glad I've learned alot

But I don't have to be glad that I was bashed/abused in the process.. (Baby Stealer.. Maternity room stalker....entitled.. half my questions deleted simply because they didn't like me..etc etc...)  respectful, gentle guidance and information and education would  have worked JUST as well...errr....BETTER, actually..

Answer 4

Its given me less hope for the quality of information being given to prospective adoptive parents.

Its assured me that social workers and agencies have no business in adoption and need a lot more education before they should be allowed to touch it again, if ever.

Its actually brings me down which is probably why I leave here feeling like I need a massage. I want to stay away forever, but then I think about the adoptee coming through who wouldn't get search help, the mother who would be told how "selfless" she is for thinking about adoption, the adoptee who is told they would have been aborted, and I sign on one more day and speak my peace yet again.

I can't believe how many people don't acknowledge the primal wound either. Unreal.

I've evolved, In the anger department, 5 years ago i never would have stuck around with this c**p. I would have just moved on after cussing everyone out lmao. I'm impulsive. In real life, I say whats on my mind a lot so having to delete my typed out question and think on it for a few hours before re-wording it and posting has been a challenge for me. A good one though. Its taught me patience and gives me an idea of the flow of things I'm working against most likely for the rest of my life in adoption reform.

Answer 5

I've learned a lot, but also been sickened a lot.

WTF is going on today??  

Is there anyone left out of this witch hunt?  I've seen birthmothers attacked, PAP's attacked, AP's attacked, adoptees attacked...

Why does ANYONE get attacked here?  I thought we all decided to grow up...

To get back to answering, I've learned that adoptees don't feel they most times 'had it better' than they would have had they stayed with their birthmoms.  I really wasn't aware of that before.  Not that I expected them to be grateful, I just thought that they might look at it differently than I now know they do.  I also know birthmothers aren't as respected as I once thought.  I also have a lot more respect for PAP's/AP's, they seem to me to look into 'how to be a good parent' more than most parents who conceive, and that can never be a bad thing.

Answer 6

I have been enlightened by a few people here.  I've learned a lot more that I hope will help me to be a better parent to my son as he grows older.  

But as for evolving, sometimes I think that I have actually digressed a bit.  When I see myself answering some of the catfight questions or getting into heated debates over who called who what, I think that I'm back in High School.  

For the most part though, I will say that the site has had a positive effect on how I view adoption in general...not necessarily my own family's experience, but to realize that it doesn't hold true for all adoptive families.

Answer 7

YES!!!  I was "right" about a lot of things before I came here, but I've never before found a place where I could talk with so many adoptees and find out what it really feels like (and therefore, what my kids will experience).  This site has really changed my life and my future kids' lives.

Answer 8

Yes, it has.  I know now that many adult adoptees still have issues surrounding their adoption and it can be good issues and/or pretty bad issues.  

But, I still need to learn more.

Answer 9

I am in the process of evolving.  I'm trying to gain perspective from all involved in adoption.  I don't know what the future holds for my family but I hope to be level headed and pro-active about it.  So far what I've learned is...

1. many people are passionate about this topic.

2. there are a lot of problems with "the system" as it is.

3. it's rediculous to keep records away from adoptees.

4. many APs and PAPs are naive about the whole process and "just want a baby".

5. many people judge APs and PAPs because of the truth in #4.

6. many adoptees are aggravated about #4 and #3 - rightfully so.

7. many birth families were not well informed about their decisions and were naive as well.

8. there is a lot we can do to help birth families keep their babies and raise them just as well if not better than APs could.

9. for some families foster care and/or adoption is the only thing that can be done to keep the kids safe (this I've learned mostly from my working with families).

10. we should all be more open minded and here to learn, not judge, condemn, or argue.

ETA:

11. it's got to be hard growing up not knowing anything about your family background, culture, history, medical info, etc.  And APs should take this loss seriously and be proactive about it.

Answer 10

My views on adoption have evolved but not as a result of this site.

Some days it's very hard to figure out if someone's answer (or question) is honest or just meant to tick off the asker (or answerer).