Have you been called "anti-adoption"? If so, please see the details below.?

Question

For those of you have unfairly been called "anti-adoption", is it safe to say that you have been labeled this because you do not support most "pre-birth" matching/placement adoptions? I had never really given this much thought until an answer today prompted my thinking more on this. I wonder if some of you have received an unfair "label" because others here have unfairly "assumed" that you meant ALL adoptions in general, when in fact, you DO support adoption in cases where the 1st family has chosen not to parent or obviously in situations of abuse, etc.

I post this question (probably against the rules) to illicit feedback but also in hopes to open other's eyes as mine were opened today. : )

P.S. I personally HATE the term "anti-adoption" because it unfairly attacks others' opinions, but I had to use it in this question to explain what I was asking. Sorry for any hurt feelings.

Answer 1

i personally know several families built through adoption.  three were foster/older child adoptions, and 2 were infant adoptions. one of the infant adoptions was a pre-birth match.

off all the situations, the one pre-birth match had lots of "fear" of birthmother changing her mind. this person and her husband were unsure if they should give gifts, meet her, et al.  i (believe it or not) really lent them my ear and my advice, after first disclosing to them that i had once changed my mind. quite honestly, they were shocked to have learned that about me, and really wanted to know how best to not make her feel coerced.

i think most of us who are labeled "anti" received this label out of ingorance. since we did not march in lock-step with the "adoption is ALWAYS the loving choice" banter, we are deemed anti, and wanted children raised in abusive homes with bio parents.

quite honestly, i view many of these people who have decided to block, report and label me anti, as clearly not fully informed about the difference from reform and being totally agaisnt the practice.  also, many of us are IN FAVOR of foster/orphan adoption, just not the current trend of trolling for scared pregnant girls on the internet, hanging outside of the health department, in malls, highschools, etc., looking for pregnant girls.

i think that's about it for me.  i don't think all adoption is wrong, i just think the trend of snatching babies away from pregnant women as quickly as possible after birth is disturbing.

yet, even with that stated, i'll still be called a n**i, gang member, and accused of hijacking a "public" forum.

Answer 2

Adoption should only be done with consent and total openness.  No secrets, no shady dealings, and no money changing hands.

Answer 3

Yes, but I won't name names. that person knows who she is. I think the term anti-adoption is thrown around by people who make fun of adoptees who post here that either 1.) Say they deal with emotional issues regarding their adoption 2.) people who say they are for adoption but see the need for reform.

Personally I reserve the term anti-adoption for people who are stirctly aganist adoption, no matter what. There are many different views, feelings and opinions on adoption and we may not always agree, but I don't think someone should label someone anti-adoption just because they don't agree with them.

Answer 4

I don't know if I've actually been labeled that either.

I know two crazy people (who I suspect are the same person) have blocked me so I assume that they (she) thinks I am anti-adoption even though I'm not.

I am anti infant prebirth arrangements.  I am against any kind of money changing hands between potential fist parents and potential aparents before or after the adoption is finalized.  I am against coercion even if it is something subtle like an agency buying a potential birth parent a bag of groceries.  It's wrong because it makes a potential Birth parent feel like they owe someone their baby.

I do not think that potential adoptive parents should be in any delivery rooms.  I think that is coercion.  And most agencies know it.  They also know that most mothers will place if they feel they have given someone a child and can not change their minds because they were there for the delivery.  It's called marketing.

The truth is most people don't know how they will feel about placing their child until after the child has arrived.  Bringing the adoptive couple into the mix too early is coercion.  It's subtle but it's there and it shouldn't be.

Listen, I'm not stupid.  I know there are women out there that DO freely place their infants.  They are not interested in parenting.  I get that.  It's true.  But it is not the majority of women.  It just isn't.

There should be more respect in the infant adoption process.  It should not be about needy adopters but about doing what is right for baby.  Every time.

Answer 5

I don't like labels. I value other peoples opinions and I like to hear how things worked out for adoptees since I gave my daughter up at birth. There will always be trouble makers in any forum, and also people who are willing you club you over the head to make their point.

Answer 6

I wouldn't call myself anti-adoption but I do have some strong opinions on adoption as it stands today. I hate the amount of coercion that goes on, I hate PAPs being in the delivery room, I hate the lack of therapists available to scared women who have an unplanned pregnancy, I hate some of the tactics used by people trying to adopt.

I am not 100% for foster care adoptions, my own story shows that even through foster care there can be coercion. Mind you is it really coercion if there is no option other than loosing your child? Maybe I am less in favour of it because I know that when someone covets your child and the system is involved they can and will take your child at all cost. I think foster care adoptions can be more ethical than other types but can also be far less ethical. There just isn't a pretty side to adoption for  my family. Not everyone will be so unlucky, thankfully.

I hate seeing auctions on ebay to raise money for people to adopt. I hate seeing people troll websites and chat rooms looking for a child. I hate looking at personal sites devoted only to securing an infant to adopt. I wonder what it is with our society that has so many women thinking they are not good enough unless they are a mother. The pressure to parent is off the wall, people who are childfree by choice are made out to be unfeeling monsters and people who choose adoption are looked upon as saints who are "saving" a child. I just don't get it. At all.

I support adoption when the choice is made freely and the matching is done once the child is born. I support foster care adoptions only when the mother and/or father has made no effort towards their goals or if there was abuse in the house that can't be eradicated. Even then I am still of the opinion that the child should have access to any and all information about their natural families.

Answer 7

Honestly, I think it's safe to say I've been labeled that here solely because of one person who can't deal with others having a different opinion. Heck, I've done volunteer work with adopted kids - and have written about that here but am still labeled as an anti-adoption zealot troll. Whatever, if anything I just feel for the kids who have parents who can't look past their little box and take into consideration that SOME adoptees are not 100% happy with being relinquished/adopted.

I support foster care adoptions and cases where both parents have been made aware of all resources to help them parent and still don't want to. But I will never support closed adoptions of any kind.

Answer 8

funny but yeah... and i'm an adoptive mom and support a womans right to relinquish, but also fell strong that adoption reform NEED to happen NOW.

I am in no way anti-adoption, just pro-reform

Answer 9

I have been labeled or grouped into being anti-adoption by one person, who shall remain nameless, and all because I don't believe in her views.

While I may be a first mom and don't think that all adoptions need to happen don't label me because I don't agree with you.  I become angry when people just start to assume things about others without knowing what is going on.  Without knowing what the story is.

I agree in some that adoption needs to happen when a parent is abusive but I really disagree when someone assumes that I was/am a bad person because I got pregnant and was not married.  I get angry when people assume that I was a druggie, s**t, w***e because I got pregnant.  I get angry when I was told lies and then told that I should be thankful for what ever I get from her parents.