Have you been effected by adoption?

Question

what are parent or child benefits? (sources please)

how did it effect your life?

Answer 1

Of course it effects me.  My birth mom was 19 when I was born, unmarried, and my birth dad had lied to her and had a wife and a son.  Knowing that I would've been raised in a day care, possibly slept in a sock drawer, or had been raised with my birth grandparents.  But my mom and dad wanted another child, a sister for their first adopted daughter.  And they chose me.  They wanted me to be the final addition to their family.

Sure, I've also had some negative effects from being adopted, like kids making fun of me, and my wondering what my birth dad is like, and my brother.  But those are just minor things that really... its not so bad.

Answer 2

I relinquished a daughter for adoption.

It effected me by giving me PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and needlessly split my family.

Answer 3

there aren't many benefits for the child, unless lifetime therapy is a good thing.

Answer 4

On a personal basis, adoption has changed my life in a wonderful way.  Without adoption, my husband and I would never have been able to have a family or become parents.  For our son, our adoption kept him from being placed into foster care.  His bio family found us (through mutual friends) and asked us to be his parents so our situation was very different than most.  

While we feel so blessed to have our son in our lives, we have also been blessed to have his bio grandparents become an extended part of our family also.  Our adoption is unique and other than the neglect our son suffered prior to and after he was born, I wouldn't change our journey at all.  We have had a great experience with adoption - of course there have been bumps in the road as with any journey you embark upon in life, but we are blessed to have a wonderful family that includes not just our son, but also his bio grandparents.

Answer 5

I am adopted.

I was not chosen from many infants.  I was simply the next child available when my adoptive parents were next in line.  There is no baby display floor, with various models on display.  It's a "take what you can get" situation.

I love my adoptive parents very much.  The did their best by me.  And I'm glad they are part of my life.

I also spent most of my life missing my first mom very much.  I do not "fit" in very well with my adoptive family.  I have a very different personality, and very different interests.  Being adopted, for me, created deep and difficult issues with abandonment.  I do not open up to people very well, I do not depend upon people very well, and I do not stay in relationships very well.  

Adoption had a very deep, and very lasting effect on me, almost all of it negative.  This despite having adoptive parents whom I love and who love me.

Answer 6

Being abandoned/adopted was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I grew up with strangers, when all I wanted was to know who I was, where I came from, and why the h**l was I such a horrible child that I had to be abandoned by my mother.

For years I blamed myself for being abandoned. Guess what that does to a child's self-esteem? I'm so horrible that my own mother doesn't want me. Nice.

Thankfully, I don't blame myself anymore, but it still hurts.

I look around and see normal, loving families. I don't have that, I never had that.

There are few (any?) things in life that are worse than being abandoned/adopted. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, except maybe my very own narcissistic mother.

Answer 7

ok, im one of those 'middle of the road' people here. MY adoption was very good. i had a great life and grew up to be stable and normal

but i know many that didnt have my luck. y!a and some of the other sites i found is loaded with awful stories of abuse and neglect. but SOMETIMES it does work. i am living proof.

i have found my bioparents, love them and thank them. their stories are long and sad, i wont go into that right now. but for me, it was the right choice, and IT WAS DONE THE RIGHT WAY. i think that is the big difference.

even though i had a comfortable life with no hard feelings toward my bios, i still have classic adoption issues. attachment, abandonment complex, things like that. they definitely dont impede my life, as others suffer, but i do have some of them.

my adoption saved me from a lifetime of abuse and other horrid things, my bios SAVED me, and i am not joking. luckily i am able to have all my parents in my life. because i wouldnt want to miss out on any of them.

EDIT:  samone-you're killing me! LOL!

Answer 8

i am adopted.  other than growing up in a family like any other house on the block, there wasn't an effect.  it's not a huge deal unless you want to make it into a huge deal.  i had family so i didn't miss anyone else.

Answer 9

I have been hurt. betrayed. and for what???

Answer 10

It made me confused and lonely before I understood and accepted it. Now I am very grateful to have been adopted, and I am grateful to my young birthmother for not aborting me.

edit: wow, I got thumbs down for that? This place needs therapy.

Answer 11

I was adopted.  It didn't "give me life."  Just like any other human being, conception and subsequent birth are what gave me life.  Adopted persons don't acquire "life" in any way that differs from how non-adopted persons acquire it.

It did, however, mean that I lost 35 years with my first family and they lost 35 years with me.  That part totally sucked for all of us.

It did give me a differently family to raise me.  

It made my first family extremely sad, spending decades hoping for me return.

I love both my families simply because they are my families -- not because they "made loving choices" or "took me in" or any of that other ridiculous blubber.  Loving them simply because they are my families means I can love them without condition, rather than having to see a "reason" for loving them.

I guess I'm just too pragmatic about these things.  I try not to attribute all sorts of ideals and instead, just look at it for what it all is.

Oh, well.

Answer 12

I was adopted as an infant... The effect was that it gave me life!

Adoption is wonderful... When you are born to your mother and father what you see is what you get...

When you're adopted, you were chosen from many...

It's a very special feeling...

Answer 13

Hmmm, nope I don't think I've ever heard of adoption.

Answer 14

It changed my life. It took away someone I had bonded to. It gave me to an abusive home. I thenwas moved to a foster home. Then to another adoptive family. I remember that very day and I was crying and wanting to go back into my foster carer's arms. I had a reasonably normal life after that, good house, loving parents, healthy food, good education. Went through a few traumas including having a foster brother come and stay and me feeling a connection to him almost as much as a birth sibling and then my adoptive parents kicking him out and it broke my heart. I used to fantasise about my birth mother, i would look at women in the streets and wonder if they were her. I finally met some of my birth family and I realised that for so long, I had felt so lonely, so isolated, with no one I connected to or felt I could look up to. I felt a little bit healed, but not totally. There are long term scars that won't go away, I had been let down by so many people that I now find it very very hard to trust anyone, I don't handle rejection well at all and avoid situations where I could be rejected, I also get frightened if I get strong feelings for anyone whether that be a close friend or a guy, it frightens me because all I've known is when I feel that, i know that all they are going to do is hurt me or go away (altho that's not realistic it's how I react to situations in my life) I cant say if i would have done better if I had not been adopted, my parents did all they could for me, they thought they were protecting me.

Answer 15

well since im in a really bad mood right now because of my adoptive parents im going to say there really is no benefit. id rather be with my real family with the hard consequences of being poor or w/e then live with what i have now. and i may just be saying this because im upset but it really is true when u think about it. at least you know about your past and all that stuff.. when ur adopted u constantly wonder about everything

Answer 16

Yes, I have been effected. I am the birthmother of a wonderful baby boy that I gave to a wonderful set of adoptive parents. I was in my early 20's no job and a 2-year-old who's father died when I was 6 months pregnant. When I got pregnant with Ryan, my 2nd son, I was lost because I didn't know who the father was. I had barely enough to take care of myself and my 1st son. So I looked into Adoption. When I gave birth, it was such a happy day. The adoptive mother was in the delivery room with me. Her and her husband had been married for 7 years and had never been able to have a baby themselves. They are the sweetest people. They made my child more happy then I could have ever done myself. I dont think of it as giving up my child, I saw it as giving my child more. I learned not to be selfish. I wanted to keep my son even though I couldnt care for him. I loved him more than anything and now he has everything he could want, Including me, it's an open adoption. I went on to get my life together, i got married, bought a house, had a beautiful girl, and I still get to see my son, Ryan.

Answer 17

My mother in law was adopted. If it weren't for that. Neither my husband nor my children would exist and my life would be completely different!!!