Have you been in this situation or currently going thru this?

Question

i have 3 kids, 6, 4, and 1. my 1 year old has a different sperm donor than my older kids, but i never told them that they have different daddies. i am no longer with either guy, but my ex (the first dad) and i were together the whole time i was pregnant so that is why my kids think they all have the same daddy.

so my question is, if you are or were ever or might ever be in this situation would you tell your kids? when whoudl you tell them and how would you tell them?

my bf thinks that they should know, but im not sure why he thinks this.

me and my bro have different dads but we grew up thinking that we had the same dad and he went into so sort of "poor me" mentality for a few years because that guy didnt want anything to do with him. and i dont want my son to do that, thats why i am thinking of letting them know. i know everybody handles things differently but. . . idk, just dont want this to kick me in the butt later.

Answer 1

I have not been in your situation, But One thing I have always been thankful for is that my parents were always honest with me.  I always knew who my dad was.  He may not have been the greatest (he's now a recovering alcoholic, when i was little he was just an alcoholic), But he is my Dad and I feel glad that I know who he is.  I STRONGLY beleive that every child has a right to know the truth because if you lie to them their whole life, and then one day they find out (which is bound to happen sooner or later) then they will without a doubt get mad at you and have every right to be mad at you.  I do not think that it is right to lie to a child about their genetics, because it defines who they are in a lot of ways.  I do understand your reasons for not wanting the fathers in their life, but I think you need to let your kids make that decision for themselves.

That being said, I probably wouldn't tell them right now, as they may be too young to fully understand it, especially your youngest.  But when they are old enough to understand what it means, then i do think that you should tell them (before they become a teenager, though).  Teenagers are angry enough at us, you don't need to add to it by throwing that on top when they are already confused about life as it is.  And if you wait until adulthood, well, by then they've already grown up and learned how to live life being who they are, and they feel like they have to start from scratch now that they aren't who they thought they were.

Answer 2

My girls have different fathers though only 2 and 3 @ the moment I tell who their fathers are... My oldest girl spends time with her father and it was his choice to take my youngest also... My 2 year old, calls him daddy and her real father "Father" she has never met him but I have got photo's of him...

I think its only fair that kids know who they are even if they are young. I chose to do it early because I want to be prepared for the question's that my 2yr old will have later in life. However I also want her to be prepared if my 3yr olds father decides to cut her out of his life.

Answer 3

Actually my borther and I are from the same sperm donor and my sister has a different dad,

Her dad actually adopted us and us his last name, so he is my dad toall this happened by the time I was 2 and a 1/2.

I found out about the other guy from a "cousin" of mine. It didn't really hurt me any at all, and I was kind of glad I knew .

My borther though, I'm not for sure if he knows.

I think you should tell him whern the time is right, because someone else just might, and then he will think you hid it from him

Answer 4

I've never been in this situation myself at all, but I have a good friend who has, she has 3 boys and they all have different dads, the first two obviously know the 3rd guy isn't there day, but the 1st and second one think they have the same dad. The older boys are 8 and 6 and she still hasn't told them, and I really don't think she intends to until they are Much older, if at all.

I would probably tell them in a few years, when they can all understand it better and make sure you explain that whoever's there with them now loves them and is their "daddy".

But that's just my take on this situation.

Answer 5

It's a tricky thing I know. I got pregnant to a short term boyfriend and spilt during the pregnancy - he hasn't seen him since he was 4 weeks old and he's now 4yrs! I meet my now husband during pregnancy and we started dating when he was only a couple months old. My man has taken my boy as his own and he calls him Dad. I have a daughter with my husband now too who is 18mths and my son says he looks like me and she looks like him (he is blue eyed like me and his biological and she is brown eyed like her dad) We are in the same boat - people realise that they don't look identical and ask questions.... So I think I will tell him maybe when he's 5 or so then he might understand. Your older kids I think are probably old enough to sit down and talk to them about it. Start with how much their daddy loves all three of them including baby, but when mummy had her in her tummy another daddy helped put her there. This means that "_______" is lucky enough to have 2 daddy's, one mummy and two sibblings. Then they will all no but your first ex will still be thought of as bubbas dad. Maybe when the baby is a bit older and asks questions of her own you can explain it more to her. I'm gona tell my boy when he understands a bit better that he has a biological father and a dad which are two different things. Any man can father a child but it takes a great man to be a dad. Good luck with everything I hope it all works out for you

Answer 6

I think you should tell the children when they are old enough to understand. Explain to them that you love them no matter what and that just because they have different fathers that you are all still family. Because if they ever find out from someone else they might be very upset with you for not knowing.

Answer 7

you should explain to your children the situation on terms that they can understand and let them know that it doesn't make them any less of siblings it's just that different men are their fathers but that they all have you as a mommy and you are a family anyway it goes.  i think it's best to always try to be as honest as you can with your children and they will respect you for that.  good luck!

Answer 8

In my opinion, he needs to know.  I wouldn't tell him until he is old enough to comprehend it but you should tell him.  He needs to know because there could be medical issues that come up (he may not be your blood type, the father may have serious medical conditions in his family that your child may need to know about so he can protect himself).  

Answer 9

I've never been in that situation, but I think I would tell my children the truth.  Even if the biological father is a deadbeat, the child has the right to know who his father is.  

Answer 10

One of my four brothers has a different father than my other brothers and I. He was  in between. But, my parents waited to tell him that he had a different father than the rest of us. It was tough for a while. I really think that if you tell the truth while they are young (no later than middle school) it would be the most healthy. They will still say bad words to dad in their teenage years(teens will find anything to throw at their parents), but at least they will be old enough to know that the man who is raising them loves them more than "the sperm donor." As they get older, just tell the truth when they ask questions and make sure to let them know that they are loved just as much as his or her siblings.  

Answer 11

I think you should tell them cause what it the first dad doesn't want your youngest thinking that he is the father...and why isn't the youngest one's dad involved with him?

Answer 12

i think that you should let your kids know and explain tot hem that yes you have different daddies but doesnt make you any less of brothers and sister. if the one guy wants any part in your daughters life then just let her know that he was just a donor and that so and so is your daddy cuz he is here playing with you and loving you. thats how my older sister dealt with it and things are good. the kids understand that daddy is everyone's daddy and that daddy sam is just kavaughns donor.