Have you ever been in this sitiation ?

Question

I was seeing this guy for only few weeks. I lost interest in him after only one date. I had no interest in seeing him again. He was all of me when I invited him to my place and he would call me 3 times in a row if I don’t answer my phone. He is really possessive and needy which also turned me off.

However, I decided to go out with him one more time but I got He has speech problem which makes it hard to understand. I never had any butterflies or felt excited about him.

So I decided to break it off with him. I told him that were can be just friends and I don't think we will work out. He was disappointed.

It’s been a month since and he is still trying to win me back. He always tells me that he misses me. He even sent a massage to one of my friends to tell me that he really likes me.

I feel really bad because he is a sweet guy but I don’t want to pity date him. When ever he sees me, he always tells me to call him and we always ask me when we are going to spend time together. I never call him or return his phone calls but he just won’t give up.

Have you ever been in this situation before?

Answer 1

nope, my friend has tho...

Answer 2

I think most of us have been at one time or another. It's hard to let someone down without hurting their feelings in the process, but you really must talk with him, tell him exactly how you feel and that you just want to be friends, nothing more. That way there are no misunderstanding. He may be hurt at first, but in the long run you are doing him a favor. However, if he does not take the hint, you may have to get more assertive with him

Good luck

Answer 3

Yes, I have, and as guilty as you may feel, you have to just keep ignoring him.  He will eventually get the hint.  You have told him clearly, so just stick to your guns and he will eventually stop.  It is better for him to realize it then for you to drag him a long because you feel bad.

Answer 4

Why did you lead the poor guy on? You gave him hope that you two would be friends and even after you broke up with him the frist time, you went out again. Sorry, this is your doing.

Answer 5

Yes, and I didn't do the mature thing.  I told the guy I was seeing someone else, and was planning to marry him.  He finally stopped calling.  Hopefully, this guy is just incorigable and not a stalker in training.  Be careful, but make it very clear that you are NOT interested.

Answer 6

Yes, I have, and unfortunatly, being polite doesn't work.

Next time he calls, ANSWER the phone and tell him straight up that you are not interested. That's the only way to stop him from calling.

I understand that you don't want to be rude, but he's pestering you. Some guys people think that if they persist, you will change your mind and that's never the case. You can say something like:

Hi, John, how are you doing? Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I'm very flattered by your interest and you are very sweet guy, but I'm not interested in dating right now. Please, do not take this personally, but I really would like for you to stop insisting as my decision will not change. We can remain friends if you wish, and that's as far as it will ever go.

Good luck

Answer 7

Stop giving him mixed signals. Be honest and direct. Explain very clearly that you are not interested in any kind of relationship and you're sorry for anything you did to lead him to believe otherwise. Tell him that he is to stop pestering your friends, as well.

Just because he has a speech impediment doesn't mean he can't be a creep. You say he's a "sweet guy"- doesn't sound very sweet to me.

Remember, firm, direct, and honest. Anything else is not really being kind at all.

Answer 8

You do have to upfront and stop being polite.  Answer the phone when he calls, and tell him you don't even want to be friends.

"Hi, look you're a great guy, but I'm just not interested and I'd just be more comfortable if you'd stop calling or asking to spend time with me.  I don't want to lead you on, I don't plan on changing my mind.  You're great and I don't want to stand in the way of you meeting someone that will be compatible with you."

Since you told him you wanted to be friends, you left the door open for him to keep hoping and thinking you'll change your mind.  

Its hard to be this straight-forward but in the long run, its the kinder thing to do.

Answer 9

That was pretty much the story of my single life- the guys who were interested in me were never the ones I was interested in!  I understand that you don't want to break his heart, and that is very sweet of you, but you really can't date someone just to keep them from being let down, can you?  Instead of avoiding him, you have to face it head on- next time he calls, tell him, "Look, I think you are a nice person, but I don't see a future for us together."  Don't even make a half-hearted request to "just be friends," because that's like salt in the wound.  If he has a hard time accepting that or he continues to call you incessantly, you'll have to be a bit more firm and say something like, "I have already told you that I am not interested in a relationship with you.  Please stop calling me."  If that doesn't work, get a restraining order.  No joke.  I've been stalked before and it's no fun at all.  Some people have real boundary issues and step over the fine line between persistence and stalking.  It is up to you to be firm and blunt about your feelings (or lack thereof) for him.

Answer 10

Some like the chase and will run faster after you when you don't give attention. Just ignore it together and he'll go away. If he doesn't then have a male friend pick up the phone once and he should get the point. Just make sure he's not a psycho path. If he is then have him be warned.

Answer 11

You have to understand the difference between persistence and possessive. If youre giving him mixed signals, he is probably hoping to change your mind. If youve already told him no, he is just being possessive and scary. You should tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel. Its not fair to lead him on.

Answer 12

You need to be firm with him. Going out with him that one last time gave him false hope. The next time he calls tell him you decided after the last date that you are not right for each other and you are not intrested. Tell him firmly but politly that you are not intrested and to stop calling you or bothering your friends. Have a friend with you if possible when you tell him this as a witness. Write down what you said to him and when you said it. Start documenting when he calls you, how often, etc in case you need to get a restraining order. Document when he bothers your friends and any emails or letters he sends you need to be saved.

Answer 13

You should have no contact with him whatsoever. He is obsessed with you.  When you do run into him, you need to  tell him (and make it very clear) that you are not interested in him. What he is doing could be considered stalking and is against the law.  You might remind him of that.

Why is this question in the "Wedding" category?