Have you ever been lied to about being adopted?

Question

I am doing this for a research appears, because I was adopted at 7 and was lied to about being adopted and I knew I was adopted. I am just wondering if I am the only one who has been lied to. And also if you where lied to how did you react and feel?

Answer 1

Some family friends of ours tried to concieve for almost five years and about two weeks after their adoption was final got pregnant with a child. They never told their older child that she was adopted. She is 17 now and we don't see them but we get a Christmas card, etc. and it really bothers me that they have chosen not to tell her. I don't see how any good can come out of that. Hiding it makes it feel shameful when it is discovered. It just has to be a part of who you are and your life story.

A good friend of mine adopted a little girl and they have told her from the beginning. She is so proud of her story and loves to tell it. (she's five now) She tells people "Mommy and Daddy prayed for a baby and then they found out I was waiting for them." Then one day she asked her mom "Mommy did God tell you to go?" When her mom said what she said "Did God tell you where to go find me?" and she said "yes God did." Now that is part of her story too that God told Mommy and Daddy where she was waiting for them. She did have biological siblings though that were not given up and her mother has waited to tell her that until she thinks she is a little older and could better understand.

Answer 2

Yes, I was lied to.  I was in my 40's when I searched for my bparents.  My bdad told me unbelievable stories of his career as an international spy...and how he and his wife had to give me up to prevent something bad happening to me.  Uuuh, I never believed a word of it.

Answer 3

I think taht maybe your parents didn't tell you because they didn't know how to, they didn't want you to think that someone didn't want you and gave you away, I am sure if they had known, if they had the tools, they woulda told you. There was a big secret in my family about me that no one ever told me and I found out when I was 17, but I can't say it cose the people involved in it die and I feel like it would be a little disrespectful to say how I feel and all when they are not here to express how they feel so!

♥

Pearl

Answer 4

I'm sorry you were lied to.  It is silly to lie about adoption, nothing to be ashamed of so why keep it secret?

You are NOT the only one who has been lied to...don't feel alone. It has been going on for CENTURIES!

Answer 5

Time to finally post..

Yes i was lied to.. my entire life. I found out i was adopted on my own when i "found" my own adoption papers at age 27... the entire family knew, friends, relatives, everyone. but me.

how to i feel? like a horses behind... horrible.. hurt and pissed cause now i have no clue as to who i am, where i come from, where i belong. It has damaged me emotionally big time.

I am still trying to figure out who i am and where i come from and who my real family is. Pretty sad if you ask me to find out something soo incredible tragic when your a grown adult. All because my Amother was "scared i would leave and be mad"

yeah ok. whos the selfish ones in adoption??

we all know its the aparents...

Answer 6

I found out when I was 31.  That was over 20 years ago.  My a-dad still denied it, even when he knew that I knew; my younger brother told me that he knew since I was 18 (he was 8) but our grandfather told him G-d would punish him if I found out; a distant relative told a friend of a friend when I was 22, but they denied saying it when I asked them about it.

What really ticked me off the most was realizing that THEY ALL KNEW!!  My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends....

My cousin FINALLY told my sister (two years younger than me) and my sister told me.  My cousin now says that she wouldn't have told me if my sister hadn't okayed it.

When I mentioned the story to a co-worker (not adopted), she thought my cousin and my sister had no right to tell me if my parents didn't want me to know.  The attitude of some people just boggles the mind!

Answer 7

i was actually told that i was the leftover from an abortion. I think they lied to me...but am not sure. Bummer that you were adopted. that sucks

Answer 8

Yes I was lied to. I was adopted  by my grandparents with I was a baby. They never told me I was adopted. I found out by accident, looking thru family photo albums. It was very hard for me to accept. I think it would have been alot easier for me if I had been told from the beginning

Answer 9

I thought my adopted Dad was my real Dad until I was like eight. My cousin blurted it out to me. I was really confused and hurt. I felt like I wasn't part of the "family" anymore. I think two things about telling a child. I think in some situations it's better to not tell the child. I mean I know a few people that were adopted, and to find out that their birth parents were less than desireable. Which can cause more drama. If you never know, you never know anything to get hurt. If you do find out, that can hurt you. I don't know...

Answer 10

This one is right up my alley . . . I was adopted at birth and never knew I was, until I found out by accident at the age of 12.  My mom was getting remarried and disclosed that I was adopted to her husband-to-be and told him not to tell his kids who were around my age.  Well, the jerk told his kids and one of them I went to Jr. High School with.  So, my step brother to be came up to me one day and said, "I know a secret about your whole life, but I can't tell you".  After pressuring him for hours I finally got it out of him and he just blurted out, "you were adopted".  Of course I didn't believe him.  A lot more came after that, but too long to get into here.  To say the least, to find out something like that at the age of 12 was devastating.  I am still angry that my mom was never going to tell me that I was adopted, although I am really grateful for all that I have, no one should be lied to about being adopted.  Being adopted is a wonderful and special thing and should be lied about.  When the adoptee finds out that they were lied to, the specialness turns to shame.

Answer 11

Did you know that there is an entire group of people who were adopted and never told. I'm working on a protest for adoptees and our rights, and the man who is leading it, bb_church is also a "late discovery adoptee." He has a website http://www.latediscovery.org check it out!! There are others at http://www.adultadoptees.org who also have been denied the knowledge of their adoption by their adoptive parents.

Answer 12

nope.i have always been told that im adopted.if it has been hidden from you then maybe they thought it would confuse you and make you feel different about who brought you up.I think it is wrong not to be told but they are only protecting you.

Answer 13

I was adopted at age 2, and have always known.  No one ever tried to tell me otherwise.

I'm very sorry people lied to you.  N. one has the right to lie about another's reality for any reason.  Dishonesty is wrong.

Answer 14

i got lied to about being adopted but im not really adopted...

i got relieved for a while...^__^

Answer 15

Sadly I was lied to as well. My parents constantly told me I was adopted growing up, and now I find out that they really are my biological parents.

Answer 16

I wasn't adopted, but my boyfriend's parents adopted him when he was about 2 or so, and they only told him like a week ago, when he found his adoption papers while looking for some family photos and baby photos of him, they never told him, and I know he was really upset about it, he spent like 2 nights at my house.