Have you ever been told you "don't play well with others?"?

Question

I have been told that I am rubbing people the wrong way in the work place and that I am putting off an air of superiority and entitlement. I think it is partly because I am a confident woman with an advanced degree from a prestigious foreign school and that is resented. I didn't think that I walked around the office boasting about my achievements and experience but somehow that is what is being communicated. Everyone is very friendly to me and nice to my face so I don't really know who I need to alter my behavior for.

I am worried that I cannot see what I am doing that is alienating people and I don't want to lose my job. Has anyone experienced this? Do you have any advice as to how to navigate an office situation like this?

Answer 1

Yes, I've been through that, and for similar reasons.

One problem is that some people are simply going to expect you to act superior, etc. because of your background, and then they will see everything you do in that light - even before you're done anything.

Something that may be coming from you is an expectation that your colleagues will know all that you know. They may not, and when you use "sophisticated" words or bring up how something could be done better (a written business communication, handling a client, improving a procedure - even if it's not *their* work you're talking about), it isn't seen as a genuine attempt to contribute, but as you showing off, being arrogant, etc. No matter how gently or nicely you do it.

You can't win by dumbing yourself down - that is just seen as being patronizing. If you are quick to suggest things and speak up, maybe hold back a bit to give others a chance to shine. But I learned not to apologize or compromise on doing the best job I can.

Since you seemingly get along with your co-workers, take one of them aside, or bring up with a small group what you were told and ask if they see it and if they have any advice. Could be some of them were among the complainers, but it's your chance to say that you're not aware of it, it's not your intention, you feel bad about it, and you're willing to change. But make it clear that what you feel bad about is giving the wrong impression to others, not about doing your best at the job, not about who you are.

Answer 2

I've always been told I fit in well and get along well with others, but that must be different than being friend material for others, coz I'm a good worker, help others, and smile a lot, they call me friendly, but I'm pretty much friendless, and I get to sometimes hear that something was said behind my back about me being "too smart" or "too quiet" or even "too bubbly." Oh, don't forget "too boring" and "too work, work, work." :D