Have you ever felt discriminated against for being adopted?

Question

I once had a boyfriend who told me I could never tell his family that I was adopted because they would never accept him dating an adoptee. It was something about not being good enough for my own family so they wouldn't want me in theirs. We had been dating for quite some time when he told me this and I was more than taken aback by it.

He also said they would assume I was illegitimate and think less of me. We broke up a short time later.

But I was wondering if this has happened to anyone else.

Answer 1

No....but maybe I am just oblivious.

In fact, I never thought anybody saw adoptees differently from other people or thought adoption was odd in any way until I spoke to my real grandmother.  She said, "I'm sorry they did this to you," referring to the fact that my natural parents relinquished me.  I was taken back by the comment because I didn't think life could be any other way than it was.

Up to that point, everyone who knew me also knew that I was adopted.  Afterwards, however, I stopped telling people and waited to see what would happen.  Sure enough, I got to overhear some odd jokes about adopted families and adopted kids.  This did not come from the mouths of low-lives but from senior executives.  I can't blame them really. There is, after all, a fascination on the part of the public with adoption as indicated by the many movies, books, and talk shows that endlessly address it.  

To sum up, I have never been directly discriminated against.  However, I am sure some people are less than open about their opinions on adoption when in the presence of adoptees and adoptive parents (notice I left out birth mothers.  I expect, they can tell you many stories of discrimination).

Answer 2

only when I was a child....by other children. Stopped by the end of 6th grade though.

Answer 3

My opinions and experiences about adoption are roundly discounted after I disclose my adoptee status.

I do not have access to my legal papers regarding adoption, or my original birth certificate as every other tax-paying American citizen does.

I am routinely asked by strangers what my 'adoptive parents thought' of my searching for my own relatives.  When does that end?  

Yes, I would say that I am discriminated against because I am adopted.

Answer 4

Only when I log in here.

Answer 5

How awful.  No, that hasn't happened to me.

I do feel discriminated against when I visit the doctor and have to write UNKNOWN on the family history page, and I felt very discriminated against when I couldn't get a passport--but this guy takes the cake.  I'm glad you're not still with him!

Answer 6

I do when I read that one lady calling people "n**i's" and "trolls".

Wow, what's her problem man?  What a fruitcake.

Answer 7

I'm sorry that happened to you. Most people that I have come across, have not made me feel any less because i was adopted. There may be people out there that do, like your ex-boyfirend's family. Which is very sad.

Answer 8

Wow, that's awful.  I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I haven't felt anything that personal.  But I do think people tend to feel uncomfortable around me when they find out.  And I definitely feel discriminated against when I go into the doctor's office.  He looks at me with disappointment and says "I wish we knew your medical history."  That is one way in which I constantly feel discriminated against.  I don't have my heritage, my past, my history.  And society continues to deny me of this basic need.  And when I speak out about that, I'm ignored or called names.  

But what you've described is simply terrible.

Answer 9

Every time I go into the state's vital records office and ask for my OBC.

Funny how they treat you when they see that you file is SEALED.  Like you're some type of pariah.

Answer 10

What a jerk glad to see you broke. Honestly one shouldn’t have to pretend their somebody they are not. I’ve not experienced anything like that, however your situation reminds me of one similar but it didn’t have to do with adoption. On  forum I’m a member of, one of the members was dating a white girl, he was bi-racial (black/white). The girl told her family that he was just Latin since he looked latino and could have passed if he wanted to. She said they wouldn’t accept him if they knew he was part ‘black’, well he dumped her because he wasn’t about to lie about who he was.

Answer 11

No I have never been discriminated against in that sense.  The Army never asked me about my adoption.  I think you are better off without him.  You don't really need that kind of weirdness.

Answer 12

My husband's military security clearance was held up by his adoption.

They had to list his birth parents as "unknown, no contact since birth", and it took months longer than it should have, while they were researched.

Answer 13

What the h**l? What a weird family.

Answer 14

when i go to the dr., when they have family tree projects at school, but my descrimination fell more within my adoptive family than it did outside of it. thing is i'm not sure if i was discriminated against for being adopted or if it was more about the fact that i look black.

Answer 15

actually my a-grandmother was the worst. she actually totally against my parents adopting me. she told them that if they adopted me she would not be part of my life. she was forced to be a part because of my sister ( her bio granddaughter) but she got her digs in whenever she could. little comments like "you can tell YOU arent one of us because..."

my response to this was always "thank god for small favors."

what your boyfriend did is appalling. it is proof of a small mind and even smaller person. you did the right thing by letting that one go. he is not worthy of you. and neither are they. did he ever think that you were loved so much by so many that you were far superior to his family?