Have you ever felt so lonely it aches in the chest?

Question

For the first time in my life i am totally alone - on my own, supporting myself financially. I do not have family or a network of friends. i am very shy and socially awkward.

I also experience a lot of rejection....i don't feel like i fit in this world.

It has gotten to the point that it is painful. I don't get a lot of 'social strokes', like people saying nice things to me. I'm not really pretty. I am also really dumb in some areas. In social situations, i can never think of the appropriate thing to say.

I feel like an outcast....even somewhat a fool for posting this, because a lonely old woman sticks out like a sore thumb.

Have you ever felt so lonely it hurts inside....is it possible this feeling will ever go away?

Answer 1

you are not alone in feeling this way. so take some of the pressure off of yourself. Try joining a club or a gym someplace that you can participate with a group of people that share some of your common intrests. churches are great social outlets. lots of people are shy and feel akward in social settings. just try say hello smile at someone look them in the eye. you might make their day and yours at the same time

Answer 2

yes I have just this year have the same feeling. got divorced still hurts. they say it does go away with time.

Answer 3

It sounds very much like you have depression and yes, It can and does hurt.  Is there someone you can go to for help with your sadness and loneliness?  

It can be hard to make new friends.  Are there things you enjoy doing?  Going to the YMCA or church?  You could take a class some where.  You would meet new people.  

If you need medication for your depression it might take awhile to find what works for you,  but it can help.  Many people are on anti-depressants and are in counseling.  These things can work for you.

Never feel foolish for posting a question here.  That is what this place is here for.  Good luck!  Take care!  

Answer 4

yeah i've been there. you need to find a way to love yourself, then the joys of your surroundings will come to you. people can sence when others are in a low and will avoid them. refind yourself, love yourself, and you will re-enjoy life again. participating in an outdoor hobby or volunteer work will help you get over loneliness. good luck!

Answer 5

Yes and currently feel that way

Answer 6

Unless you feel better about your self then no it will never go away. i dont think you should judge your self and say you are dumb because in reality no one is. a baby is a smart human living that dosent know right from wrong. and im assuming you do too. If you are a female. try being more social. be more femanine. not a w***e but friendlier, im sure their are manu types of people that are shy...

you want people to like you be nice, clean, sweet, helpful, ect.... get involved in a church.. they regect no one and you might find friends their. go to a library, ect...... i think its great you are a responsible person you have no one to baby sit you,,, you pay your own bills and take care of your own self. GOOD FOR YOU !! :) SMILE LIFES TOO SHORT TO BE SAD OR DEPRESSED ENJOY LIFE AS IT COMES .. GET A HOBBIE. I KNOW BE A PHOTOGRAPHER, THEIR ALWAYS ALONE SO BEING SHY WONT HURT YOU , YOU CAN TRAVEL AND ASK PEOPLE TO POSE OR TAKE BEAUTIFUL PICTURES OF SENERY.. I DONT KNOW YOU AND I KNOW YOU ARE SAD SMILE!!

Answer 7

Instead of concentrating on your loneliness and on your pain, focus on other people.  Ask them about themselves.  Offer your help and assistance when appropriate.  Smile.  Find common interests and talk about them. The more you think outside of yourself and focus on others the happier you will be.

Answer 8

Belonging or being accepted is crucial to survival.   When you are alienated or rejected it can be like torture.   I've gone through the aches in the chest for the last few years due to family trauma and loss of everything I placed value in/on.  I notice the chest pain is worse when I don't sleep well (I have had insomnia).   I don't know how you got into the situation you are in but I am here to tell you not to give up hope and I don't know how old you are but working with people who are worse off than myself is helping me.   I remind myself of the Buddhist saying that desire is the cause of suffering.   I use this to remind myself not to expect things from others or hope for things and I use the process of detachment (or try at least).   I am just getting on with doing the best I can each day and building myself up.

Remember this:  you decide how you feel about things - the power is within you.   Take control of your life - you can do it.  I hope this helps. Take care.

Answer 9

yes i have felt like that many times and the feeling of not really fitting in gives me a few problems. I try to remember that other people dont view me as i view me but i can be around people and still be lonely. Like you i can never think of the right thing to say and wonder how some people can just talk all the while and people find it interesting. I havent an answer to it unfortunately  

Answer 10

The more you think about it the more it will depress you. Get out and do things that make you happy. Get active get involved sign up for groups that you have interest in in doing so you will be around people that have the same interest which leaves alot of room for conversation. And talk push your self and don't take rejection too personally every one gets rejected that how you find out whats the right group to be around. Stay busy is what im saying you won't have time to be lonely or depressed. Chat online that is really fun too. If you don't like to get out.   You are creative with words get online and show it off.  

Answer 11

Yes I have, and yes it will pass with time, if you get out and make some new acquaintances. You read, as being an intelligent person, and it sounds as though you know what you lack and I think you can gain your needs through some sort of group interaction. Maybe this is a good place to start. See, I am talking to you and I am not passing judement. Are you being overly judgemental of yourself? You are not a fool for asking, you would be a fool if you climbed into your shell and closed the lid on the world. My advice would be to join a group of people who have similar interests with you. A card club is a fun thing to do. Good luck. Peace

Answer 12

oh yes, it hurts like h**l, im 17, i should be out having a life but me? no i have no one, at all. and every single day i wonder why im still here........

Answer 13

Absolutely, I have felt that way and I know many people who have. Please understand that how you feel is normal. You are concentrating solely on your bad points, which is also something I am prone to doing. But I'm sure there are a lot of good things about you too - you are articulate and obviously brave enough to admit when you're not feeling right, and those are just two things a stranger can pick up from you.

The feeling will go away, but you have to help yourself somewhat. When you start feeling lonely, do something you enjoy. Why not look into some things you can do with other people, for example, evening classes or fitness classes. They will keep your mind off how you feel and give you the opportunity to meet new people (even if you don't feel confident enough to make friends, just having company can make the blues go away)

Don't focus on your perceived flaws...it's likely that you're the only one who sees yourself this way. Best of luck.

Answer 14

i am totally like this, believe it. i want to commit suicide, but something keeps me stopped, maybe my mom, who will be sad if i do this. if u dont have parents, then u should consider suicide.  

Answer 15

I know how you feel. Big time.

yeah I know about that pain. It hurts so bad you don't  know what to do or where to go.

What kinds of things do you like to do? I'm serious! Think about it and write some of them down. Is there a way you could do something that makes you happy...but in a volunteer situation? Like..teach a class or volunteer at a school and read or tutor the kids...volunteer at a museum and gives tours...anything! Look at volunteer oppotunities that you could fit into your schedule. It'll help you with the social anxiety and it'll give you a chance to be around other people for awhile. This is what I did to start being around people. I found out that I'm not the only odd man out and I got to be around some pretty cool people.

I went to the library (I'm an avid book reader) and asked about any programs they might have. Turns out they had a few book clubs who were reading books that I actually enjoyed. I was able to h ang out with people of all ages and just talk. It helped alot.

Give these things a try. The worst thign that can happen is that you don't feel comfortable. That feeling will pass eventually as you start to do something you enjoy. it will also feel good to be around other people with similar interests.

I know it's cliche but you aren't alone. Your post described me perfectly but I am getting better. It's taking alot of time but I think it'll be worth it later on.

Take care.

Answer 16

yes i feel like this every single day, you have just reflected me, i dont have much to say except to say i suffer the same things to....i wish you well and pray you find the answers soon, like i hope i do.

Answer 17

I still feel quite lonely. I'm a little like you - introverted, with no friends. I don't get phone calls, my facebook wall is practically empty, and people I know don't speak to me outside of work/study. I too, feel "disconnected" from people. I've cried myself to sleep out of loneliness, more than once. And not just any crying - hot uncontrollable tears, sobs that have shaken my entire body, tears that have left me with a terrible headache in the morning, and a feeling of utter discouragement in my heart. If you've felt this way too, neither of us is alone in this.

I'd like to be able to say that things will work themselves out, but in all honesty, loneliness isn't something that just works itself out. It depends on you, and it depends on others, to an extent. You could be the sweetest, kindest person on earth; but if people don't respond to you, you could still feel lonely. I heard once that since people aren't perfect, it's foolish to put your whole life in their hands. I couldn't agree with the statement more. It's hard, but we can't depend on people .. because sooner or later, they'll let us down.

I've only found one solution to my loneliness. On the loneliest of nights, after weeks without one solitary message, call or email from anyone .. I've only found one place to run to, where I truly feel loved and cared about. That place .. is within the arms of Jesus. Please don't take this as a religious response - I'm just one poor beggar, telling another where to find bread. Everytime I feel lonely, I run to Jesus. And when I do, I feel my burdens disappear. I run to him and cry, begging Him to talk to me, and He does. I'm reminded of all the beautiful things He says about me in the Bible - a Princess, beautiful, majestic, lovely, sweet, unique, blessed, the work of a craftsman's hands. I'm reminded of the word Emmanuel, which means "God With Us." In other words - I am not alone. It's not easy to feel valuable when I feel forgotten. But Jesus reminds me that HE loves me, always has, and always will. He reminds me that He knows me - He reminds me that I am understood. And that, is the only thing that soothes my hurts and pours peace into my heart. I may not have many posts on my facebook wall, but I have an entire Bible full of beautiful words and promises from the One who truly loves me. I may not receive phone calls, but Jesus never turns me down when I run to Him, and He speaks gentle, loving words to me whether I ask Him to or not. It's not easy to feel like you make a difference when you feel invisible to the world, but I know I'm not invisible to the One who made me. Lately, I've felt Him encourage me to press on and not give up. I've felt Him ask me to sow into the lives of people I know, whether they care to give back or not. His love has begun to pour abundantly into my life, to the point where I can now actively love those who don't give the same love back to me. It's not easy, there are still days where I cry out of loneliness, but that's what happens when we take our eyes off Jesus. He refocuses me every day, helps me live life one day at a time. Maybe it's time for you to lay down everything YOU cling to. Take your life back out of the hands of those you put it into - don't put your delicate heart in the hands of people - they're only human. Being human, they'll fail you, and when they do, you'll feel destroyed. You need to build your house upon a rock - so that when the rain pours, the streams rise, and the winds blow and beat upon you .. you will not fall apart. That rock in my life, has only ever been Jesus. If it weren't for Him, I don't know what I'd do. I hope you'll take my words into consideration - I can't think of anything else to say to you, to help you, than to share with you what has been tried and tested in my life, and worked - Jesus.

Answer 18

You could try looking in the newspaper for activities where yuo can meet people such as support groups or hobby groups.  No one should just work and that's it.  You have to have some balance and time with people where there is mutual caring.  Have you thought about joining a church/temple/mosque or find some way to get spiritually connected.  You should develop some interests outside of work and find others who share those same interests.  It's not always about talking as you may find that people who share the same interests as you may also be socially awkward.  Even if it is a small group of 3 people it's still better than nothing and can blossom into a lifetime friendship if you put some effort into it.  You could be a big sister to an older adult.  Also there are senior matchmaking services if you're interested.  Check for them online.  Also you do have the internet and you can always join a social network such as myspace, yahoo 360, hi5, facebook, and many more where you can network and get to know people all over the country or even the world sometimes.  Chatting can be fun.  There are poeple out there that are waiting to meet you and to do so would be a dream come true for them, so get out there and stop being a hermit.