Have you ever felt unloved by your adoptive child?

Question

Have you done the best you can but nothing is good enough because you aren't the "real" parent?

Answer 1

Although the term mother is a title I share with my daughter's nmom she has never made me feel unloved or anything less than a parent to her.

As she gets older and the hormones begin to kick in I expect nothing more or less than what a natural mom would experience with an "almost" teenage daughter.

Answer 2

I am the real parent so when I don't feel love it is not because of that.  It is because of other things. Just like I sometimes don't feel loved by my husband, boss or my own parents. Its not intentional

Answer 3

Do you feel this way because of something your child said or did recently, or has it always been this way since the adoption?  

If you've got a teenager, they're ALL going to say "I hate you!" or "You're the worst mom in the world!"  or "You don't understand me!"   Doesn't matter whether it's your bio child or adopted child.  The teen years are difficult.

But if you've had this feeling since the beginning that your child is not attached to you and does not regard you as his/her parent, you may want to do some research on RAD (reactive attachment disorder).   This is a condition that is occasionally diagnosed in children who have had a difficult start in life, and who perhaps have been placed with multiple caregivers in the early years.

Answer 4

i'm sure  parents feel unloved by their biological kids.   it's a kid thing....don't worry.

Answer 5

honey sometimes I feel unloved by my biological children! when kids get mad they lash out. I don't think it is because yours is adopted.

Answer 6

My son is only three.  I'm sure he'll go through a stage like most teenagers do when he'll blame me for everything and at that point I may feel unloved- who knows....  but I sure do feel loved now.

Answer 7

I have felt "unloved" by all 4 of my kids... I have been told "I hate You" by all 4 at some time or another...

I have not been "good enough" according to all 4 of my children at one time or another...

Nothing is good enough sometimes with any child....They All go through their phases--they all get mad and say mean things to their parents...they all think their parents could have done better,....

If my older kids could have said it was because I wasn't their "Real" parent I am sure they would have tossed that at me too... They have tossed everything else at me at one time or another....so what....

The good thing is that I didn't become a mother so I could hear a bunch of "I love yous" I became a mother so I could say them.... If a kid of mine doesn't want my love fine with me!

As long as I provide my kids needs---protect them the best I can...clothe....educate....see the doctor/dentist.....feed and house them.... showing My Best Love.... how they feel about me is Irrelevant! If I know I have done my best and love my children....what they think or feel about me I could care less about....really.....

I don't play the "I love you" game with people... I do my best in the role I hold and if people don't love me back it isn't my problem.... I will always be here to show my love when my children want and need it and I didn't become a mother to have someone Love me....I bacame a mother to Love someone else.... that's all....

Answer 8

My son is only 5 but he has NEVER made me feel "unloved".   I know that the day may come, but the reality is that feeling "unloved" probably comes in every parent's life - whether bio or adoptive.  I remember saying hateful things to my own mother (who was my bio mom) and probably made her feel unloved on numerous occasions.  It's all about growing up.

Regardless of how I feel, adoption is about the child - I can only hope that my child will always feel loved and know that he is absolutely the center of our lives!

Answer 9

The parent is the adult.

Children lash out for all reasons.

If the adult has the problem - they need to seek help over their own issues.

Adoptees need to know - personally - ALL of their family.

It's what is best for the adoptees self worth and self image.

If you don't allow that - you're creating further problems for yourself - and for the adoptee.

If the parent is feeling 'unloved' - perhaps they have a different view of how love should look - compared to the child.

Adoptees should be allowed to love all their parents.

It's not about who does what to children.

That stuff only matters to the adults.

Quit with the power plays - love the child with all your heart - don't pass judgments on the child - and the child will eventually love you just as much in return.

It's like karma - you give it freely - and it will be returned in same.

Look closely at your own expectations.

An adoptee has two (or more) families. Making them love one over the other - will only end in pain.

Please don't make them choose.

They want to love both.

Answer 10

It's pity for you and the child,you are both missing a lot in life and lots of fun what parents and children have in life.

Answer 11

No, I've never felt unloved by my children from adoption.  They've been angry with me on occasion, particularly when I have to say, "No."  My daughter is pretty strong-willed and she's pitched some impressive fits.

But no, I've never felt unloved.  

And I am a "real" parent, thank you.