Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you need someone to be honest with you in order to heal?

Question

I have been fighting some old demons here lately and I need someone I love to be very honest with me in order for me to silence the demons. How do I impress on him the importance of his honestly? I know that what is in the past is gone and done but my pain is now in the present and I do not want to have it in my future. Have you ever had a situation like this and how did you deal with it?

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel.

I was brutalized as a child and the people who raised me deny it 100%. The 'father' figure broke the cast off of my arm the very day I broke my wrist and physically forced me to do the dishes that night. I have 9 years worth of stories (all true) of similar caliber and they denied them all.

I gave up long ago waiting for them to be honest and I will never talk to them again (18+ years away from them and counting).

Some people are just sick and you can't expect them to be honest so your life can move on. This, for me, would be co-dependence.

My last girlfriend couldn't tell the truth if someone held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her children. She is constitutionally incapable of being honest with anyone, including herself.

Until I learned to accept life on life's terms I wasn't able to mature and grow into a person that feels pretty good about himself.

My old demons will always be there, but it helps immensely to know that they are really just paper tigers.

Life goes on...

I hate it when people say this, but I hope this helped (honest).

Answer 2

yes his answer would heel me. even if its the one i dont want.

Answer 3

Sometimes you think you need all the answers and sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Answer 4

i just did this with my new gf who i love very much,i felt like i needed to be honest with her about the things i have done in my life,so i told her about the things i have done and she told me how she felt about what i had told her and now i think that our relationship is much stronger than it would have been had i not told her.

it might feel difficult to tell him but the relief of getting it all off our chest is an amazing feeling.i hope i helped

Answer 5

Yes. I once had a very unfaithful wife. I knew it, and I think she knew that I knew it. Having given her many opportunities over the span of 3 or so years to peacefully come forward about it, she finally told me a half- truth. That's all I got. She admitted to having s*x with another man, but claimed it was rape. I was angry (at the man and that it happened) and devastated at first, but not once was I mad at her even though she admitted that she placed herself into the situation. I needed to know the truth of what my gut had been telling me in order to move on. I knew that the rape story was not the whole truth, but it was a start. I found out a year later that she had been with a number of guys (yes, voluntarily) over the course of over half of our marriage, and she admitted that the rape story was not really rape. In fact, she had slept with the "rapist" twice! Needless to say, there was much more at stake than her lost faithfulness, and my feelings for her were strong, so I wanted to put it behind us and stick it out. She disagreed. I realized shortly afterward that my life is better without her, and had I stayed with her I would have been hard- pressed to rebuild any trust in her again. In fact, to this day she remains one of the most dishonest people I have ever known.

If there is something presently keeping your old wounds from closing and healing, you need to pinpoint it and remove it. Sometimes that requires temporarily making the wound worse, but in the end it will finally be able to heal.

I wish you the best!

Answer 6

Yes I have.

You can put personal demons at rest without getting personal satisfaction. The "need" for honesty is more a desire for satisfaction and a demand that the world be the way we want it to be than it is a need to heal.  You can move on and be open to better things. When you do this the universe will open up to you.  But be careful not to carry fourth the desire to punish someone in your past: this desire creates the opportunity by providing countless repetitions of increasing severity, until we learn to let go of it. It's the compulsion to repeat the past, in order to overcome it. You can live this way but it's painful.

Answer 7

I think you know the answer and yes it's hard... you don't need that reconvermation with that someone... you can do this...

but yes always talk to someone if you need to just to talk and listen to your choice. but really you should do this on your own...

Oh wow i just thought up something not to pleasent... ummm ...

if so then ask them to be honest.. you can't make them...

but then again i know you say its in the past.. maybe it's time to forgive...  and let it go ... if you do the pain will go with it too... but it's HARD but you can do it...

Answer 8

I disagree with the above poster.  Truth is all we have in this life.  The truth shall set you free.

I would tell the person exactly what you said just now. In fact, I would show him this post.  I would say "this is how much it matters to me."

Answer 9

Although I am not in your situation, I do understand your need for a loved one to be honest with you in order for you to put to rest a resounding demon.  Having not been given too many details, all I can do is echo the previous poster - in order for your loved one to commit to honesty, you must do so as well (if you have not already).  Make sure he knows exactly why you need him to be honest with you - exactly what do you want/need from him?  What will it do for you?  Don't be afraid to say too much - sometimes it is better to say too much than to not say enough.  Start from the beginning and be sure he knows exactly how you're feeling and why, now, you're feeling this way.  If you find it easier, try a different method of communicating - write him a letter or talk on the phone.  Approach the situation boldly, yet in a way in which you feel comfortable (or as comfortable as you could be).  I hope this helps.  Good luck to you, and hang in there :)

Answer 10

The fact of the matter is his truth may not be that which you will percieve as truth. YOU know what the truth is and it belongs to you. Don't try to get the truth out of people for your own healing. Your healing comes within yourself and you make a conscious choice to move on with your thoughts and life. In order to grow spiritually, emotionally, physically, and mentally you must accept that the your truth is not dependent on others minds or souls. You can heal you if you trust you. That is the only truth you need.  Love you, fellow human.

Answer 11

You've got a problem and it's communications. You take your question here when you should know enough to ask the person there. We can't really help because we don't know the person in question.

Sometimes, the best approach is straight ahead. Only you know what you will accept as proof of honesty and that is what you must press for.

Answer 12

OK OK OK, I Did take the last Vanilla Coke out of the fridge. I was thirsty. You don't have to call me a demon over it though *sniff*

(((((Ms Crone)))))

Actually, just talk with the person and tell him how you feel and how important it is that he be completely honest with you. Remember he's a guy, Us guys need to be told these things directly, we're not good about taking hints and "reading between the lines", you're gonna have to explain it all to him in terms that an idiot will understand. Us guys ARE idiots about emotional stuff like that.

Brightest Blessings,

Raji the Green Witch

Answer 13

Yeah I found a time where I had to be truthful to myself and silence the cacophony in my brain. It terrified me to face this ugliness within me, but I realized that I am the sun, whose light reflects off the moon, which in turn shines in the night. If I realized I was not the ugliness, and really the source of light (the sun). I'd be happy. You just need to tell him the importance of people to find themselves before they die thinking they were only as bright as the moon.