Have you ever had the notion that theres certain people who are happy because they no your not going anywhere?

Question

in life?

their happy because they feel your under their control...things will never ever work out the way you want them to......and they are happy because of this..

im 30 with borderline personality disorder and for a while now ive had bad paranoia that theres people who seek to control my life.....keep me down.

ive suffered a very traumatic life....bullying and abuse.....unfairness.

ive aged badly.....have physical imperfections.....2 missing teeth...torn ankle ligaments...aching joints...limbs.

live alone in a one bedroom flat...on benefits...never been employed...no qualifications.

i have goals i still want to reach still...living in a quiet coastal village...living in my own house...a loving partner...living near the beach.

but i feel some people are happy, laughing their heads off because they no something i dont...they no im never going anywhere and ill remain under their control.

this makes me angry, what does anyone think?

im not sure who these people are

it makes me want to find them and rip their heads off........ot give up and spend the rest of my days in a mental hospital.....which is easy to do.....i could easily ruin my life like that......disappear from society....if i feel i dont have a chance to achieve my goals........or that my life is somehow being manipulated and controlled. so i dont get those goals...

if this is the case....what is the point in trying?

no thankyou

Answer 1

Get in control of your life stop blaming the world and be a success. That's all you have to do

Answer 2

nobody tries to deliberately keep you down. But they may knock you down to achieve their goals. You can achieve what ever you want if you focus on it. The great pyramid in egypt was built because one man decided he wanted it to exorcist.

Answer 3

To try and cut a long story short..there are a lot of people who are jealous and hate to see others succeed. My Ex husband is a great examples

Answer 4

heh - you are a bit of a nut job ;)

If you don't have anyone in mind, then you are just being paranoid.

If you do have specific people in mind who you feel are controlling and rejoicing in your misery - then i suggest you make a list and write down EXACT examples of when they do or say something that makes you feel like c**p.

Read through it and it will either give you time to reflect and see you are being over-sensitive or that you are correct. If you are correct give them the list and ask them to take more care with how they act with you.

As for everything else - only you can take control of yourlife. Find things that you can do and do then NOW, no excuses.

At the end of the day you only really have yourself to blame - everyone has problems, maybe not so obvious as your, but just as important and debilitating to them.

Answer 5

I know that BPD can make you have a lot of the feelings you are describing. Even if it's not really true. It can make you feel paranoid.

Sometimes you just have to try and figure out if it is really true or if one is maybe imagining it or projecting.

Say even if it is true that people do feel or act the way you say....

"but i feel some people are happy, laughing their heads off because they no something i don't...they no I'm never going anywhere and ill remain under their control."

Isn't that more reason for you to prove them wrong ?  In other words not to let them control you. Do your very best. Go to continuing education classes, or even do it on-line. Do anything to better yourself. Most importantly to make YOURSELF feel better about you.

I was abused too ...a lot. It's very difficult to turn those old tapes off in your head. The ones that tell you you are not good enough etc. etc.

But you have two choices. Change and do the very best you can do, make yourself proud ( that's what really counts ) and not seek the approval of others. I mean really, when it comes down to it who gives a *#!% what others think ?

What matters is that you are happy and proud of yourself. Then everything will fall in place.

It sounds like you have some good goals. Now all you have to do is believe in yourself and go out and do it !

I took all my negative energy ( anger, sadness, worthless ) and turned it around to do positive things.

You are being much to tough on yourself and are continuing the cycle that others inflicted on you . You're giving your power away and are letting them control you.

Try to start with little steps. Don't take on too much at one time or else you will set yourself up for failure.

gradually you will become stronger and it won't matter what anyone else thinks.

Start treating yourself better and don't put yourself down like others have in the past.

You can do it, you are a survivor !

Best wishes !