Have you ever heard of a high-intensity baby? Do you have a high-intensity baby?

Question

A friend of mine has what she calls a "high-intensity baby". He is near one year old, and has been very difficult since birth. He won't let her eat; he screams and grabs at her when she tries. He won't let her put him down or walk more than a few feet away from him. He nurses almost constantly, has difficulty falling asleep, and responds poorly to other caregivers. She works, but often has to leave work to relieve her stepmom from babysitting duties, because the baby is inconsolable. She is very small to begin with, and I learned that she lost ten pounds because she can not eat while her baby is around.

I am just curious of other's experiences with high-intensity babies, or if anyone has ever heard the term high-intensity baby, and what it means to you. It's a new term in my vocabulary.

Answer 1

How old is her baby? My son was that way from birth up to about 4 months. He constantly ate.. and verrrry slowly. Even now, I can't even go to the bathroom. I always have to bring him with me. He will NOT eat unless we are in the bedroom, lying down, with absolutely no noise. The slightest sound outside of the room he will break off and want to crawl around and scream. My mother thinks he's the strangest child and that I let him tie me down, but am I supposed to just ignore him?? Absolutely not. I sort of need to return to work for a while, because my husband is on unemployment, but I am scared to death to do so. I love him more than anything in this world and don't feel that he is a burden. When he is old enough to reason, things will change if he doesn't naturally grow out of it. The first year is the most precious and we'll just do what we've gotta do.

And, by the way... I did lose about 20lbs, because I never had the chance to eat.

Answer 2

I've always heard that called "high needs", but, luckily we didn't have that issue.

"High needs" to me means a child that 1) constantly needs to be held -whether in a wrap, or nursing, or whatever 2) Has a very specific set of ways to do things, possibly due to sensory problems (ie...you can't just dress him - it has to be cotton, with long sleeves even in summer, and a lvery oose neck or something like that.) 3) Often seems unhappy no matter what is being done - mom may be trying to comfort him, but, nothing appears to work.  Very often they are easily overstimulated (and, so, the cycle begins anew...overstimulated - upset - inconsolable - unable to sleep, which leaves them tired and prone to being overstimulated - upset...etc).

I'm sure there's some stuff I missed, but, that's what I think of

Answer 3

i've heard of a "high needs" baby, and i guess all babies go through their high needs stages....my dd1 certainly did!

but a baby that is just high needs ALL THE TIME? i don't have experience with that, but all babies have their own personalities. some are just naturally more clingy, needy and some are just naturally more independent.

some links that might help

http://askdrsears.com/search.asp

Answer 4

I don't have any children who have exhibited behaviors like that particular baby, but my first and third children were (and are) what I call "intense" children.  Before birth, they were constant non-stop movement.  After birth, they were fussy, difficult to console, difficult to get to sleep and stay asleep, fed very often, demanding of my personal attention, although they were not lacking enough of it, easily angered,  frustrated, and very emotional when things are disappointing or upsetting.  Both of them are very, VERY intelligent, however, quick to pick up language, even though one's a boy and one's a girl, good with spatial concepts, problem solving and just exceptionally bright.  My oldest is 16 and the third child is 2 1/2.  The middle child, now 14, has always been very, very mellow and easy going.  Not that we don't have arguments or upsets, but she has always been an "easy" child, never had a "terrible twos" whereas the other two kids had terrible twos from age 10 months until....

One thing I can say, is that with both the first and third pregnancies, I had an exceptional amount of anxiety problems, distress, depression, unresolved anger issues, and just plain stress.  My second pregnancy was very easy, uneventful, family situation was less stressed and so on.  I genuinely believe that being so stressed, anxious, fearful, and generally high-strung while pregnant created a combination of body chemicals that affected my developing babies.  I've heard this from others, but I don't know what kind of solid studies there are out there.  I'd like to learn more and I'd be curious if your friend was very stressed during pregnancy.

On a final note, my first child was diagnosed with ADHD in first grade, though his "symptoms" are much more in line with bi-polar disorder.  My third child, I worry will be headed for similar issues--she is non-stop-GO and very tempermental, impulsive and demanding (but to be fair, she's also very funny, sweet, good-natured and smart, too).  There is a lot of family history of alcoholism (but I don't really drink), other addictive behaviors, depression, bi-polar, etc.  So I don't know how much of that affects the brain chemistry of my children, either.

I wish your friend good luck.  One thing I found to be very, very helpful, and I don't mean this to come off the wrong way.  I discovered that my more high-strung children were far more clingy, fussy, and just plain difficult when I was going through periods of distraction by other things: small bouts of depression, busy-ness with other things (like currently getting a kid ready to leave for school out of state), or just letting myself get distracted too much by TV, books, or other stuff.  When I stopped for a while, re-grouped, and began to spend more personal, one-on-one time with my kids (just being in the same room doesn't count necessarily), teaching, singing, playing, doing new things, that the unpleasant behavior ceased.  Their sleep patterns and eating patterns improved.  I was also able to find some quiet time for myself because my kids were getting their "mommy fix".  And sometimes THEY are the ones stressed but can't express this in any other way except to be clingy, demanding, or "difficult".  My 2 year old has spent the last month unusually aggravating.  Then I realized that this summer her siblings (and rough-housing pals) have been working all the time, then doing their teenage social thing, her dad is working and very stressed, and I'm going crazy with all the housework, trying to find a job....you get the picture. When I realized I was actually shunting her aside all the time to fend for herself play and socializing-wise, I had to re-think the way I handle everything else.  I now give her absolute interactive attention (though sometimes all she wants to do is snuggle) for clearly defined periods of time and the past week has been much easier.  She has been napping again, sleeping through the night, eating better, and letting me do what I need to do as long as she gets her "fix".

Answer 5

never heard of it.  sounds exhausting.

Answer 6

Its generally called"high-needs" and my first is definitly in that category, however honestly I don't know why she can't eat the solution is pretty easy -you just make two plates of the same food a big one "for mommy" a smaller one "for baby".  However what is really going to happen is that mommy and baby eat off mommy's plate with mommy encouraging mom to take the odd bite off baby's plate ("Mommy's X is too hot, eat yours, etc).  Once baby is full and not interested mommy eats the rest of hers, baby's, and sometimes the extra in the kitchen *lol*.  

I rarely leave my high-needs baby in other's care.  And the only baby sitter he had until recently was my grandma and she has come out to help out one day a week since he was born (he's 2 1/2).  Recently we were spending 3 days at my mom's house and the second night we went to a movie because my husband was desperate to see it.  I was a wreck but my toddler and baby were more or less ok.

Many things about a high-needs baby change over time -they don't become less demanding necessarily but the demands change.  However my 2 1/2 year old still nurses a LOT.  More than t

HIGH NEED BABIES

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050100...

12 FEATURES OF A HIGH NEED BABY

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400...

"Why is my baby so different? She is not like any of my friends' babies. They sleep through the night. They're happy being held by anyone. My friends don't seem as tired as I am. What am I doing wrong?"

CHANGING PERSONALITY PROFILE AS HIGH NEED CHILD GROWS

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050600...

INFANT

alert

intense

draining

demanding

cries impressively

loud

unconsolable

supersensitive

high-touch

TODDLER-CHILD

busy

high-strung

exhausting

spunky

energetic

stubborn

impatient

strong-willed

obstinate

discerning

challenging

expressive

tantrum-prone

interesting

tender

huggable