Have you ever read a poem like this on Yahoo answers...?

Question

What do you think of the beginning of my ballade?

Sail over the sea, O strong willed ship

Pierce through its raging face

The blow of the wind shall lend you wings

to let us travel forth, apace

Your wooden deck is tramp'd and drumm’d

By the captain's restless feet

His eyes are ravaged by despair

His heart feels every beat

For they’d been on the damned sea

for two months, maybe three

and the stormy grayish bed

was all their eyes could see

The clouds were racing o’er their heads

And the sun was flickering dim

Their ship, a tiny speck, wandered

On waters dark and grim

Here and then a light beam escaped

To be welcomed by their eyes

A moment later it was gone

To their tearful wails and sighs

(Unfinished to be continued…)

(This was just the beginning)

Thank You,

Answer 1

It's a very good poem with a good theme and rhyme scheme, but I have to tell you that it's not following the criteria for a "Ballade"  

"The ballade is a poem of three eight-line stanzas followed by a fourth stanza with four lines. The fourth stanza is usually dedicated to some prince or patron. The first three stanzas all follow the same rhyme scheme: ababcbcb and the fourth stanza also has a rhyme scheme tying it to the rest of the poem, bcbc for example. In a ballade, the a, b, or c rhyme from one stanza carries over to all the other stanzas.   Finally, all four stanzas have the same ending line.

http://www.elfwood.com/farp/thewriting/2...

However, having said all this, it does not take away from the fact that this is a very well constructed and thought out piece.

You've done a wonderful job here and you should continue as it is and finish it.  I'd like to see it when it is finished.

Answer 2

Hello -- these are almost ballad stanzas: quatrains of alternating tetrameter (8 beat) and trimeter (6 beat) lines, with various possibilities for rhyme, including yours, xAxA.  As Sptfyr mentions, the French ballade is quite uncommon in English.  

I like your third stanza very much: the triple rhyme contributes to the confined sense of the ship, and the seven-beat diversion in its third line sounds good.  

Your use of visual metaphors is enjoyable and quite sophisticated: `stormy grayish bed' for the sea, `lend you wings' for the sails (I assume) of the ship. `Pierce through its raging face' is slightly mysterious but quite interesting.

If I were writing this, I would personally be a little bit more regular about the metre: for example, while stanza three does not bother me, I feel lines 2-3 (stz. 1) lose the musical sound of the poem.  Likewise, I am less fond of the seven syllable lines of the last stanza.  But of course this is always a matter of your discretion, and perhaps I am mistaken this is meant to be a strict ballad stanza.

As mentioned, this reminded me too of The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, which-- you probably know-- is also written in the 8-6-8-6, xAxA scheme, though sometimes using internal rhyme in the third line.

Overall, I am quite pleased by what this poem achieves so far.

Answer 3

Excellent imagery.  I like it, but the change in tense (present to past) half way through - is that intentional?  It just seems a bit off.

Answer 4

Tis a fine beginning!!! This sound like it could have many segments...I likes it.... Well Done!!!

Answer 5

This sounds like Columbus's first voyage, when his crews were just about to mutiny.

Good One...and no, I've never read another like it...that's a large part of its 'goodness'....originality!

Answer 6

Very well done.......keep going and complete the poem...reminds me of the Ancient Mariner by Coleridge...that musical gift!

Answer 7

I've never been too fond of poetry, but that was pretty dang good!

Answer 8

I think you have a great beginning for a marvelous sea adventure - can't wait to hear more.  Question: Do you submit under different accounts (avatars).  Seems "Lulleh NN poetry" has already submitted this poem.  Is that you? ♥

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