Have you ever unfairly punished your children?

Question

I felt so so bad this afternoon. My daughter who is four knows she is not suppose to play with the soccer ball inside the house. She has been doing it when I have not been looking recently. I heard something fall in the living room, and went in to find her standing next to a broken candy dish. The soccer ball was laying by the television and it had been kicked onto the coffee table and broke the candy dish. I immediately set her in a timeout, and made her help clean up the mess. She cried and cried saying she did not do it. I didn't believe her and threatened to spank her for lying. She said that her brother did it. I could see the seriousness in her face so I went and asked my son. He said no (of course). Ten minutes later he came down and told the truth. I gave him a big time spanking for lying to me and letting his sister get in trouble. I felt so bad about Lexi. She was mad at me, and understandably so. I feel like a bad mother for this, and was wondering if I was the only one who has done this? I feel horrible. She has been going through a phase of lying, but I guess I should maybe beleive more of what she says

Answer 1

It's an honest mistake and all parents make that mistake at least once in their lives.  Your son was wrong for lying and willingly lying.  You handled the situation fine.  I can't say I've done this yet because my youngest is almost 3 months old and my oldest is 2 years old, but I'm sure I will at some point and when I do I know I'll feel bad.  But I will admit my mistake and do what is needed to correct it.  

Don't feel badly.  We are all human :)  that means we all make mistakes.

Answer 2

but your son owend up why did u spank him ?? all that it will encorage him to lie to avoid getting spanked.

you shoudl have made him say sorry to his sister and then done a chore for her , like tidy her room or somthing.

Answer 3

lol, don't feel too bad, you made a mistake, none of us are perfect and are bound to stuff up here and there. but all I can say on this front is

WELCOME to SUBLING RIVARLY (ok I don't think I even spelt that correctly lol).

This is bound to happen countless times from here on in, don't think it was a once off, the joys of kids, it's perfectly normal, but I think you went a bit overboard with spanking your son since he did actually come down and admit to breaking the candy dish, so that should of counted for something. he was trying to do the right thing by being honest and you still punished him with spanking, I would just sent him into timeout for a while. And it won't just be from your son either, your daughter will no doubt start trying the same things,

it's all about learning to recognise the signs, especially of lying, I know when my step daughters lie they can't even look at me, and look around the room constantly or fidget with their hands constantly. and my 5yr old won't look up from the floor, and my 3yr old it's all in the tone of her voice lol. Learn to read them and things will get easier, but don't assume the worse of your son for that one off thing, your daughter will no doubt try to get away with things herself soon. (well no definitely but highly probable to).

Good Luck.

And like I said above - no one is perfect we all make mistakes and the joys of parenthood - it means no matter how old you kids are it's a never ending journey and you're always learning and experiencing new things each and every day.

Answer 4

yes it happens to the best of us. but here is what I tell my kids.

Lying is probably the worst offense in this house because if I cant trust them for the little things how can I beleive them when there is something important. I tell them that I have to be able to trust them and that if they lie they will be in bigger trouble.

but you just have to apologize to your daughter and move on.

Answer 5

Yes, I have made the mistake. Mine barely ever take the WHOLE blame for something. It's always," Wellllllll sissy did this and this FIRST." so I usually sit them both in timeout and be done with it.

Sometimes, it truly is one child's fault and I can get to bottom of it by asking a few questions- but mostly they are both at fault.

Don't feel bad. When I mess up- I admit it, apologize and dish out punishment to the deserving child. Moms ARE human. :)

Answer 6

Been there.

Just a few weeks ago my two older boys(15 and 13) were arguing about something (don't even remember what).  The oldest one said "Shut up" and the younger one said back what I thought was "Bite me". I was shocked.  We don't talk like that and we have never said bite me to anyone.  I said (in a very shocked/disapproving voice), "Cody!!  Don't EVER say that again!  Go to your room. Nick you don't say shut up again either. You go to your room".  

Well Nick walked off because he knew he was wrong.  Cody (who never argues with me or his dad, sorta looked confused and about to cry.  He walks away to his room.

Later we were talking about it.  I was giving them the whole 'if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all' speech.  I added in , "Cody, saying bite me is really crude and gross.  That's not something that should EVER come out of your mouth again."  He looked at me and said, "Mom, I said MAKE me".

Oh boy, didn't I feel terrible.  Cody is a  very obedient, respectful child who never gives us any trouble.  That made it worse.  I apologized to him big time and he kind of snickered and said, "I wondered why you got so mad at me".  I felt so bad I almost cried.  

The point is we all make mistakes.  The best thing to do is explain how you  made the mistake, apologize and use it as a learning experience.  Tell your daughter that she should know that if she ever makes a mistake, she should know she can come to you because you make them too.  Her watching you apologize and ask forgiveness is a great way to teach her what to do when she makes one.

Don't think you're a bad mom for messing up, just think of yourself as...human. :-)

Answer 7

DON'T FEEL BAD!  Just make SURE you apologize to her and make sure she knows that you are sorry and you made a mistake.  My little Sister and Brother are both 6 and hen something would break or whatever I could always ask my Sister what happened and she would tell me the truth even if it was her that did that....then she started lying and I could no longer believe anything she said so she probably has been punished a few times for things she didn't do.

Answer 8

Yes it sucks, but you would never have done it on purpose. Its like the little boy who cried wolf but opposite. She palyed with the ball so many times when she wasn't supposed to the now it is her who gets blamed when the ball breaks something. Maybe she will learn that if she behaves, no on will think she did anything wrong when she didn't