Have you ever wondered how old some people are?

Question

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said.

Answer 1

I used to own a bar & had to check a lot of I D"s. Once i checked out 4 guys,when i got to the 4th,who was in Army Uniform,i said your OK. It turned out he was the youngest & just a month past the drinking age. Looks are deceiving at times.

Answer 2

Thanks for the laugh!

Answer 3

ah, so very true

Answer 4

Funny!

Answer 5

good one ,that's cheered me up thank you

Answer 6

I give you yet another star Suzie ! You made my day.

Answer 7

The longest unambiguously documented lifespan is that of Jeanne Calment of France (1875–1997), who died aged 122 years and 164 days. She met Vincent van Gogh at age 14.[1] This led to her being noticed by the media in 1988, at age 113. Subsequent investigation found that her life was documented in the records of her native city of Arles beyond reasonable question. More evidence for the Calment case has been produced than for any other supercentenarian case, which makes her case a gold standard among the oldest people recordholders. This is contrasted with the now-disputed claim of age 120 for the oldest man ever, Shigechiyo Izumi. While this case is currently still recognized by Guinness World Records, the Japanese authorities have hinted that his age was not certain.[2] This claim was accepted in 1978, but subsequent additional research (as early as 1984) has raised doubt as to whether his birth date was confused with that of a brother who died at a young age.

Since the death of Yone Minagawa on August 13, 2007, the oldest living person is 115 year-old Edna Parker of the U.S., who was born on April 20, 1893.[3] She and Maria de Jesus of Portugal are the only validated surviving people who were alive in 1893.

Answer 8

ha ha how funny

Answer 9

Very funny Suzie - thanks for another chuckle!  Keep 'em coming!

Love 'em.   Have a star!                                CJ

Answer 10

That's cute Suzie!  Now here's one for you:

An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that it wouldn't blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat"?

"But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!"??

The woman looked down,then back up at the man and said,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat yesterday!"

Answer 11

That is the best one I have read today.

Answer 12

I did laugh out loud. Thanks for the great start to the morning.

Answer 13

A group of old pensioners were sitting around in the nursing home comparing notes on their ailments.

One said, my hands are so shaky I can hardly hold this cup.

Another said: My cataracts are so bad, I can hardly see to pour my coffee.

Another said: I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.

Another said: My blood pressure pills make me dizzy.

Another said: I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.

Another said: Yes, but it's not all bad. We should be thankful we can all still drive!

(This isn't really funny if you saw the drivers we have here, especially during the winter when all the elderly are here for the season!)

Answer 14

I wonder how old some people are everyday, some of them in the nursing home do not know how old they are themselves.

Answer 15

That man sounds like a young relative of mine.  He did meth instead of drink alcohol but it certainly made him look like an old man.  He's very wrinkled and has 4 teeth left.

Answer 16

I like this joke. You are one funny lady, Poppy

Answer 17

Thanks Suzy... still laughing!

Answer 18

Looks are deceiving...I have de-aged ten years since retiring from teaching.

Answer 19

Yeah,  another good one Suzie .

Answer 20

That was a good one.......Thanks for sharing.  

Answer 21

An old gent visited the doctor for his annual check-up. "Your hearing has got worse," said the doc. "So I want you to cut out smoking, drinking and s*x." "What?" said the old man, "just so I can hear better?"

Answer 22

A very good 'un.

Answer 23

great joke, got some more...

Answer 24

that's it!! i'm going to stop smoking ,drinking ,eating fatty foods  and start exercising ...errr ...on second thoughts.....