Have you ever written a poem with a perfect ending?

Question

"Gone Away"

When you left me I was confused,

I was standing outside my shoes,

hit by a shotgun blasting, bruised

face slapping, heartbreak raining blues.

Going in circles on this endless cruise

left to deduce places to defuse.

I paid my dues, were you amused?

What's to lose when no one's accused.

Shattered memories anchored chain

yanks me spinning down loves drain.

Black and blue covering blood stains

running through broken heart in pain.

Knock, don't knock, on your door,

I can't use the handle anymore.

Forever gone, away, away,

to heaven leaving me to stay,

... and deal with the mess you left behind.

(dedicated to my mother, Louise, who passed away on 09-11-2001)

Answer 1

I find that your poem lights an empty space where mothers used to tread.

Answer 2

May she Rest in Heaven, in Peace.

Answer 3

The is a very powerful portrayal of grief, which has me thinking of how different men and women sometimes seem to grieve...The poem is well

written, graphic metaphors.  Thanks, Bob!

Answer 4

Yes it is true at times when a person passes away so much besides them being gone we have to deal with! Sorry for your loss, a parent being gone is so very hard to deal with!

Cheers!

Answer 5

This is a very light approach to a very serious subject.  I think we need to approach all aspects of life with good humor as well as a proper respect.

I believe God has a sense of humor, and we can expedite our passage through judgment with a good clean joke.  Wherever in heaven she might be now, I am sure your mom is smiling--maybe even laughing.

Answer 6

Good rhyme and metaphor. The meter is a bit bumpy. The message comes through clearly, however.

Answer 7

Very moving Bob. You captured the displaced feelings that we all carry at a time such as this.

I lost my father on a significant date too, Christmas.

Some how it is a comfort knowing it is a day of reflection. I hope you find comfort in all the prayers.  

Answer 8

I hope to one day.

So sorry for your loss.