Have you given a baby up for adoption?

Question

I gave my little girl up at 3 months. Some days it's hard, mostly I'm okay because I know I did the right thing. How is it for you?

Answer 1

I admire your strength and courage!

Answer 2

No.  I'm an adoptive mother.  

I can only imagine what you (or my son's birthmother) had to go through to while making her decision to make an adoption plan for her baby.

You don't say how long its been since you placed your daughter into a new family.  I hope some of the pain goes away and that you can find strength in the fact that you made the best decision you could under your circumstances.

Take care,

Kristy

Answer 3

Right around the three month mark I clung to the "I did the right thing" to balance out all the sucky loss feelings that I wanted to dismiss.  It took about a year and half to come to terms with the idea that relinquishment is plural with feelings.  I could feel okay with doing what I felt was the right choice, and I could also be pretty upset with everything that had happened.

It's been almost 12 years since I've relinquished, and it's still just as filled with the plurality of conflicting feelings.

Answer 4

At first it was very hard. I was able to pick my adoptive parents...they got to go through the pregnancy with me. I think that this made it easier. Every day that I think about her...I try to remember that I did it so she could have a life that I knew I couldn't give her. I had the choice of abortion.....had the check handed to me by the father, told him where he could stick his money....contacted an agency....gave her life.....gave a couple the chance to experience that life!!! It will always be hard.....but you did the right thing....never regret giving all your love to that child you choice to let live a life. So many parents killing there kids anymore these days, hurting them because they can't handle them, the abuse these children do not deserve. I think you did the right thing..... good luck to you!

Answer 5

I can't even imagine that. it seems to be the hardest thing in a human life

Answer 6

nope, could never do that, use birth control or plan b if anything

Answer 7

I relinquished a baby girl in 2000.  I am okay with it because I, too, know I did the right thing.  I have never regretted it.  I am a bit sad lately, because while we agreed on having an open adoption, I have been unable to reach the adoptive parents by phone.  I hope I recieve the pictures that I usually do (and letters) soon.  But, even if I do not, I'll still know that I did the right thing, and that she's with the right people.  Do you have an open adoption?  Some feel that that helps, but sometimes not.  Feel free to drop me an email if you'd ever (and I do mean ever, someday in the future) like to talk.  I also agree that counseling is a must.  And never let anyone make you feel bad for knowing you did the right thing, and for being "okay" with it.  

{{{HUG}}}

~Sarah

Answer 8

I know it must be very hard. And you did a brave and wonderful thing. I have never given up a child for adoption. but I had a child die suddenly . I know you have a sense of loss. But  just think how happy you made a loving couple something they longed for. God bless you!

Answer 9

It was extremely hard to live with the guilt, everyone had painted a rosy picture of adoption. I had no idea it would be so hard. Even through the years when no one spoke of it, I knew and I hated myself. Now that I have reunited, everyone knows, I've become very vocal and I refuse to live the lie and make myself crazy over giving my bdaughter up. I've been through counseling and reunion, and that has helped, you really must find someone you can unload on, I suggest counseling , simply because they won't come back and throw it back in your face.

Answer 10

It was 35 years ago when adoptions were pretty much all closed. It was the hardest thing I had ever gone through. No one told me how it was going to be for me. It was all about the adoptive parents and how happy I made them. Someone posted recently that it was like serving a prison sentence, and they are fairly accurate. It has it's similarities. I had bad days, worse days, almost intollerable days, and then, some days, I could actually start to smile again.  A whole day would go by where I didn't think about her at all because I was so busy. That's was actually a good sign even though I felt guilty for not thinking of her. It's a rollercoaster and your on for a long, long, ride. It will make you strong.

Answer 11

no, but it must be hard

Answer 12

sadly, yes, the authorities just took her away from me 4 days after she was born.i was 18 and had knowone to help, it was in 1967. BUT i did a stupid thing, i tried to harm myself towards the end of the pregnancy, so i didnt stand a chance of being able to keep her, also my own parents didnt want to know. those days it was very different. you were treated like a very naughty kid.i could have gone into a half way house, but i would have had to wait a couple of weeks, and the place was full of junkies and drunks....that was 41 years ago....there is NEVER a day goes by that i dont think of that child, and i have never forgiven myself. i have tried to search over the years, but have justcome to a brick wall every time...i wonder what she thinks of me, and wonder where she is.i have married since and have two beautiful daughters.,whom i love to bits....but that memory lingers on forever. i feel proud for you. and god bless you.

Answer 13

I gave my baby up right out of the hospital.  It was the hardest thing Ive ever done.  I lost it after that...tried to commit suicide.  It took many years before I was "ok" with it.  I still cry when I think about him.  He was adopted by a family member that I have no contact with, but I know that hes ok.  I guess its guilt that I feel.  Maybe if I was a little more responsbile I would've been able to keep him...or wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place.  I was 19 at the time and BEGGED for them to tie my tubes cause I didnt want anymore children. (they wouldnt let me because I was too young) I met my husband right after having him.  We now have 2 children and life couldn't be better.  It gets easier, but it still sucks at times.