Have you had this same problem?

Question

my 8 year old daughter will bite through her lip till it bleeds and hurts any one around her that doesn’t give her what she wants she has been in counseling for 3 years and it hasn’t helped it has been getting worse she does have a history of abuse by her biological mom and that is why we have had her in counseling her biological mom has not seen her in over a year and her parental rights have been revoked. I cant explain in detail because I don’t have enough room on here to do so. But we have been asked to think of some things to have her tested for by the new mental health counselors we were transferred to she also has an issue with not wanting to do what she is told even at school and she tells us that she doesn’t care if it is naughty she is going to do it any way. If you want more detail I can email you with it. If you have gone through this and have any ideas on what we could ask them to test for I would love some advice. I am at a loss.

Answer 1

wow u r goin through a lot n all i can tell u is spank her  n when she is badd take things away when she bits her lip hit her in the mouth i kno this sounds terrible but trust me this works she is a smart child bcuz obiously he knows that u feel sorry for her  bcuz of her mom but if u treat her like any other  child  then she will act like a normal child n its just that simple

Answer 2

I have helped out in our school alot. Sometimes kids just need a hug and you love them. She may not respond to firm voices or yelling because of the horrible situation she has been in. Hearing the firmness in the voice problems makes her resort to the behavior she had because of her Mom.

I have seen school social workers and ours does wonders. She was able to help the child with ways to deal with anger. She would see kids in groups of 2 or 3's. She was able to help them to calm down. I did not happen over night. She told me that she found that always using a calm and gentle voice is what helps this children.

Sometimes they just don't need medications just love. I think when she knows she can trust you things will be good. Thank you for helping this child and showing her love. When she is acting out try giving her a hug or when she is screaming and being a snot that she doesn't know any better so you can remain calm. I got the hug thing from a bus driver. The little foster boy in school that had disrupted her bus so many times she hugged him and he cried. He is doing better but it is hard for him to over come the abuse. They really don't know why they do things that they do.

Have you tried taking parenting classes? To get more suggestion on how you can handle situations? By giving her 2 choices between things. Like you can play Lego's on the table or you can put them away? Kids respond to different things. It all depends on the child. You can email me. I haven't had this problem with my girls but I watched 2  little boys and the older one well let say that it was just nanny 911 in my house. He really liked me but was just so mixed up that he would bit me, hit me and distroy things. Is just the beginning of it. He was such a nice child but sometimes he would just get set off by something and I would have to sit down and hold him so he wouldn't hurt anyone or himself. It would go on for 3 or 4 hours. I did this for 6 months. No I still don't have them. They have moved on but can maybe give ideals.

The hugs chart is a very wonderful ideal!! You wouldn't be a good parent unless you went through these feelings as you search for the right decisions for your child. I know you haven't found the answer but don't stop trying.