Have you lost your "good" friends since having kids?

Question

I had my daughter 4 months ago and I feel like all of my "good" friends proved they were not true friends since I have had my daughter. They act like it is an inconvience to spend time with me because I cant just get up and go whenever I want. All of my girlfriends dont have kids and some arent even in serious relationships which is fine with me. I just feel like I thought I had true friends but now that I have a daughter, they dont come around anymore. :( Does any new mothers feel like there old friends bailed out since they have had kids?

Answer 1

My friends bailed out when I got married.  Most people I made friends with after that already had/are having children.  I really don't have time for friends though...one good friend and a good hubby is enough in my opinion.

Answer 2

I lost allot of friends, but me and my closes friend got pregnant around the same time a month apart our babies are and to have someone with that support and not feeling alone made a huge difference...

You can always find mommy groups, play dates around your area and meet new women that is looking for play dates with their kids and get together for adult mommy time...  

Answer 3

No my good friends followed behind me and had their own babies! lol our kids are all 4 months apart. crazy. :P But I can see where you are coming from. Just shows you who your true friends are.  Make new friends now! Ones that have kids..you can have play dates together :) Turn the situation into a positive one.  Do you honestly want to hang out with them...them partying or doing whatever..your old lifestyle? I dont.  My life is different. My focus isnt on what I use to enjoy and what some of my friends still do enjoy...my son is my joy now. i could careless if they do not want to hang out as much. me and my son and hubby have more fun :) lol.

Answer 4

Yes, my husband and I have noticed that as well. We had friends, a couple, that we would hang out with all the time, go to concerts with, etc. The male in this couple was my husband's best friend. They were with us and spent time with us all throughout our pregnancy with our daughter. The day she was born, they came and visited her in the hospital. She was even the flowergirl in their wedding. After that, it was a slow downward spiral as to how much time and when they would spend time with us.

If we were lucky, we'd see or hear from them once every two weeks or so. Then in October 2007 and again in January 2008, we had miscarriages. The female part of the couple said "Well, God is just punishing you for not believing in him. Once you start to follow him, you won't lose anymore babies". Now, keep in mind, these two claim hardcore Christianity..not that they live it with comments like that.

In April 2008, we found out, that we were, yet again, expecting. We found out a week and a half before our wedding. They were set to be the Best Man and Maid of Honour. We started to get the feeling that they didn't really support the wedding. After all, we conceived two children (four if you count our losses) outside of marriage, and to them, that was a no-no. Either way, we didn't have time to find two new people.

The brother of the male part of the couple took pictures at our wedding. This was in April. We still have yet to get them back.

Since our wedding, we have heard from them perhaps 3 or 4 times. They have stood my husband up 3 times for shows, 3 or 4 times when we had planned to visit them or have them visit us. In fact, my husband spent $100 to take them to a concert, and the day before the concert, they said they're not going. My husband was now out of $50 as a result.

We have only seen them once since our wedding and that was a 2 minute visit to drop off my husband's amplifier.

They never call or come over anymore.

Wait..that's a lie. They called last week to tell us they're expecting their first child at the end of March. They want to know if we still have clothing from our daughter, or if we still have our pregnancy books, and if there's any advice we have for them.

Typical, eh?

Answer 5

Yup!!! The only true friends I actually have is My hubby, My Mom, and My Sister in law!!!

Answer 6

Yeah, my friends did the same to me. Me and one of my friends were reallly close, like sisters. We were friends for like 10 years then she totally stopped talking to me when I got pregnant. Alot of my other friends stopped hanging around b/c me and my b/f stopped drinking and partying.

My b/f tells me that we only have each other and thats all we need

Answer 7

Of course. Better off without them, once they have kids they'll get it. I don't hangout with anyone anymore, only my mom. Its cool though, I'm closer to my family since having my son. I kinda get it, my son is 3 months old, we can't go to the movies and leaving the house is a process (have to have milk pumped, grab the diaper bag, get his seat, grab two blankies...etc...) There was also one time when I had to leave a restaurant because he was cranky. I also noticed the amount of friends I had on my myspace decreased after posting pictures of my son, hah, not that I cared, just thought it was funny that I was suddenly an uncool soccer mom (at 20 yrs old!).

Answer 8

hello there!! I did not lose my good friends when I became a mom - BUT things sure did change. I don't go out with them as much as I used to, but we still talk, and they come and visit me as well. But I also became much more closer to my friends who already have kids because we can relate more to each other now that we're sort of in the same boat.

It is normal for us to feel that our friends who doesn't have kids bailed out on us - they don't have a little one whose depending on them so they're still "living their life.." Our lifestyle is different from theirs now. It's like a phase or a stage....we tend to hang out or be friends with people who has a similar lifestyle like ours (i.e being a mommy)

Answer 9

My friends just don't understand what its like to have kids. They don't understand that I need to know weeks in advance if they want to go out for dinner or drinks so I can secure a babysitter.  Of course, I'm too tired and busy to worry too much about it now.  The time we do spend together is great but if my daughter is around I'm worried about what she is doing and chasing her around to ever have a complete adult conversation with them.  

Answer 10

If your friends don't have kids, it IS inconvenient for them.  That's one of the drawbacks of having kids.   It's the way of the world.  

Answer 11

I think this has happened to most of us. More so when its your first baby and the only one of the group with a child. Its really hard on you feeling so alone after all this time isn't it? The best thing to do, from my experience at least, is try and meet other young moms/babies.

You have to find a group to join in. Things like mother, baby gym classes, yoga, reading groups, etc. Its hard to start over and feel so lost in a new situation. Your baby is a little young yet for the library but maybe an exercises group with babies the same age.

Good luck. Hopefully you'll soon have a group of friends that really understand what you need and where you are in life. If you can think of any one you knew just casually before that has kids now maybe you can give them a call to compare notes. That maybe an easy first step.

Answer 12

Yes. This is common...very common. You will grow apart from some friends and closer to others, but you will most likely make new ones who can relate to your new life as a mother.

I was pregnant at the same time as two other girls at my job. Before our pregnancies we rarely spoke, now that our babies are weeks apart we are really good friends because we are able to share stories, ideas and tips. My friends that don't have kids just don't have anything to connect with me on anymore.

Don't worry about it. And you are right to think that only the true friends will stick around. That has been my experience anyway.

Good luck!

Answer 13

I did lose most of my close friends after I had my children but it also made me closer to people I hadn't talked to in a while. I moved 1500 miles away from home and lost touch with a lot of people after I had 2 of my children I moved back only to find going home was harder. My friends from before were no longer my friends. I ended up going on and joining myspace to find people I used to go to school with and found that some of my friends from school were now mothers too. I became closer to them since we now had a common bond.  

Answer 14

Definitely.  Only a few of my friends has stuck around since getting pregnant, and most of them aren't the good friends they used to be.  But you can gain better friends, by finding other mommies!  Those ones you lost, were obviously not true friends.

Answer 15

I lost my best friend from high school.  Not just because of the pregnancy, but because I got married, moved away, started my career, bought a house, started our family..... SO many things in my life changed that we just didn't have anything in common anymore.  She's still my "best friend from high school", but we rarely talk anymore.  I have gained some AMAZING new mommy friends though.

Answer 16

i use to have a really close guy friend who apperantly liked me. despite ive been w/ my boyfriend for 5 years. my boyfriend always told me that guys were just pretending to be my friend.. he always said "except" that one freind. wellllll good to finally see his true colors as weel!! i never would of expected that. im glad i know everthing now though, & i dont need that kind of guy around -period.

Answer 17

I had my first baby, a girl, when i was just 3 months shy of my 21st b-day and yes a lot of my friends basically ditched me after she was born.  when i was pregnant they were all about shopping for the baby and they even bought some fairly nice gifts, cuz hey its fun to pick out cute baby stuff.  but yeah after the initial come see the new baby phase they all sorta backed off, especially after the first few times they called to go out and i said no i don't want to leave the baby or i didn't have a sitter.  I am almost 30 now, and i have new mommy friends  ;-)  try a playgroup or cafemom(like a myspace for mommies) to find moms in your area around your age to make friends with other people that understand what your going thru, i have found these are the friendships that have lasted me.

good luck and congrats on your new baby.

Answer 18

unfortunately this happens especially when u have kids and ur friends dont. they dont understand the responsibilities that come with parenting, so they dont realize that u can always go out and be with them instead of at home....OR they just dont think that u can do ANYTHING at all except for be a mom and they dont want to bug u. I have lost quite a few friends for both reasons...maybe join a mommy group or start having time with ur friends maybe once a week so u know u can still rely on them and vice versa.

Answer 19

I lost some good friends, but gained some amazing ones! You have other interests, so you are bound to drift apart. Join a mother and baby group to make some new friends with common interests.

Answer 20

that's sad but if they can't even find the time to hang out with you at home or wait for you to be able to go somewhere then they were never your real friends and you haven't lost much.  make friends with other mothers or people who can have more patience to be friends with a mother.

Answer 21

Yeah my best friend is the only friend that i have that doesn't have kids. Some people that don't have children don't understand that once you have children that your life changes. I don't think that they weren't true friends it's just that your have to different lives now and they have alot more freedom. You may need to make friends with woman that have children.

Answer 22

That happened when I told them I was pregnant.