Have you placed an elderly relative in an aged care home?

Question

What about your circumstances made that the best decision?

Do you have any regrets or advice?

My family is currently arguing about the care of my grandmother. At the moment she is living with us.

Answer 1

Yes because it was no longer feasible to continue to care for her at home. My grandmother required more care than my mother and my sister and I could provide. The skilled facility was very nice and she received excellent care. One of us was there at least once a day to visit with her. She was only there for a few months until  she passed away but was happy and well cared for.

Answer 2

It’s always a good time when people argue over “what to do” with their elderly.  

One, does your grandmother have all her capacities?  If not then it may be easier for the family to have a facility take care of her.  But if your grandmother is aware of what’s going on then it may be a little more difficult to let her go.  I’d ask grandma what she wants.  From my experience I’ve put two elderly women in alternative care; one lasted 1 month before she passed on, the other lasted 4 hours.  The only common issue was the minimal amount of peace that it offered the family while at home.  Tough question… there’s no right answer.

Answer 3

Had my mother for five years and then she went into the home.

It all came down to what was best for her.  She has a room with a bed, chair, TV and a toilet and bathroom en suite.

She gets all the nursing care she needs 24/7 and other people to talk to etc.

She is entirely happy there.

Answer 4

Yes, Mom broke here hip and had to go in for rehab.  Of course pneumonia set in, as ofter does and she passed away two weeks later.

Answer 5

I was by my mothers side until  she passed and I would never have considered putting her in a "care" facility.  However, everyone's circumstances are different. Although your family should have a say about what happens, unless they are willing to share the responsibility then they should limit their agruement. Think long and hard about what you decide, because some day that might be you that loved ones are discussing.  What does your grandmother want? Have you even discussed it with her?

Answer 6

My parents took care of my grandma in their house for several years until she got sick and had to go to the hospital, where she passed away soon after that in the hospital.

3 years ago my parents got to where they couldn't get around that good any more. I made the decision to move back home to be their caregiver. It has not been an easy roll either, there has been times that it has been so trying. But I am the only child they have left now after my only brother passed away Jan 2, 2005.

I have worked in our local nursing home and I can tell you this much, for what all I saw while working there, the ONLY way that I will ever put one or both of my parents in a home is IF one or both of them ends up needing 24/7 medical care. Even at that the nursing home would get so tried of seeing me there.

My parents don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't even like the word burden. When they were taking care of us, were we a burden to our parents? I hope not and my parents are not a burden to me either. I am doing it out of love as they raised me out of love.

Answer 7

We had a neighbor that was moved into a home when she was well into her nineties. Her family was very caring and tended to her often. My wife and I knew her family and also visited often or responded to her little "emergencies". The time came that a desicion to move her had to be made and she resisted. I also visited her in her new home. She was moved back into her original home and then complained that it wasn't home anymore so was moved back. Next time I visited her she was very excited and wanted to show me all around.

Shortly after my own mother began to need constant care and I was the one to tell her that living alone was not an option. We gave her the option of living with my sister or myself and she chose a nursing home that she had volunteered at. By the way she became very angry when I first told her she had to move. It was then we gave her the options. Almost immediately we all could sense that a tremendous weight had been removed from her. Perhaps she was worried so much and finally facing it relieved her.

I am not physically capable of lifting my mother although she is not heavy so we would have had to have outside help if she chose to stay with me but the offer is still open.

The most important thing is to visit or have someone visiting often enough that she knows she is not forgotten and the staff know she is being checked on.

I am still wishful that I could care for my own mother of course. Her telephone is set to take messages that she can hear because she is unable even to get the telephone. If two or more of my brothers and sisters can visit at the same time she particularly enjoys that and laughs a lot.

                  Keith

Answer 8

Not yet.

Answer 9

No, but for me and my place at an elderly home, I have made plans provisions for myself so none of my children need not be burdened.

Answer 10

About 8 years ago, my grandmother broke her hip. She was in her 80's at the time and my mother placed her in a nursing home. She put her in one of the better ones here but it looked like a prison anyway. We would visit her and she had a small space just barely big enough for a bed. The walls were concrete block and there was no view of the outside. She was able to sit up and talk and walk around a bit, but looked so unhappy there.

After seeing her there for three months, we brought her to live with us. She had her own room with two windows to the outside, we saw her everyday now and feed her and talked with her. I just felt that's what family was supposed to do for family. I wouldn't want to spend my last years in a concrete box with strangers waiting to die.

It wasn't easy. She had dementia and Alzheimer's. Sometimes, she wouldn't recognize the grandchildren when they came. Because we took care of her though, I'm convinced she lived and extra 3 years or so. She was happy, and we made her feel comfortable. She passed away in our home last Thanksgiving at the age of 95, living two years more than the doctors thought she would and 3-4 years more than any of us suspected she would.

I don't regret bringing her here for one minute. I'm glad I could do that for her in her last years.

Answer 11

My grandmother had terminal cancer and needed around the clock medical care.  We did not regret the decision, it probably bought her  a little more time.

Answer 12

I haven't. I'm *still* 45, but when the moment comes I don't want to be lonely in my son's house, I'd really rather go to a home where I can be with other people of my age and play cards, chess, talk, I don't know, whatever is possible, and still see my son. Not that it seems great, it just seems better. On the other hand, if I'm perfectly healthy and fit, I'd rather stay at my place.