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Have you read: Whatever happened to Mother?

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Whatever Happened to Mother?

by James Kimmel, Ph.D.

Chapter One

Where Have All the Mothers Gone?

Once everyone had a mother. They were not only born from a mother but they had a mother who took care of them after they were born. Mothers, then, were especially important to babies since they could not live unless their mothers took care of them. At first, a baby did not know this. But it did know, or more correctly, feel that mother was warmth, comfort, fullness and completeness.

As the baby grew into childhood, mother became associated with goodness and rightness. Mother was good and it was good to be with mother. It did not feel right if mother was not there. But, once, mother was always there. Babies were nursed whenever they cried. They were continuously held in their mothers' arms and they slept beside their mothers at night. Mothers also took their babies with them wherever they went, to bathe in a river, lake or stream, to gather food and to prepare it, or to visit with friends. Mother was always there because her baby was with her when she worked, when she ate, when she played, when she slept and even when she made love.

And mothers did not mind that their babies were always there. They would have minded if their babies were not with them. Neither did mothers mind being mothers. Being a mother was good. It felt good and everyone else thought it was good, and it was good - good for mothers and for babies and for everyone.

To read the rest of this incredible online book click here:

http://www.naturalchild.org/whatever_happened/chapter1.html

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8 ANSWERS


  1. It sounds like an important message to mothers today, especially in Western cultures. I studied anthropology and have seen so many photos of women from other cultures - often deemed poor/impoverished by our standards - with their children wrapped to their bodies throughout the day. Their babies are part of them whether it is during community ceremonies or the average work day. They may "look" impoverished to the Western eye, but I think they are much more in tune with the mother/child bond and the concept of family.

    I just googled around for some photos and found these:

    http://www.randafricanart.com/Mother_and...

    I probably won't read the book because it is just a reminder of what I lost when I lost my son to adoption - to the "well-meaning" women of our own culture who thought nothing of separating a mother and her baby.

    While we're helping ourselves (through adoption) to other women's children from cultures we know nothing about, we might want to slow down and look at how other people do things. A fancy stroller or car seat isn't an advantage to the child (or mother) in my opinion.


  2. I... don't entirely buy this. It's a nice idea, but it seems rather historically inaccurate to suggest there was this happy time when everything was rosy.

    I mean, if nothing else, before the advent of modern medicine, a LOT of women died during childbirth or from infections or complications resulting. A lot of children died of disease or injury. This excerpt conveniently forgets the orphans and the bereaved mothers and just focuses on the best case scenario-- which is fine, if you take it that way, but this shouldn't be seen as the reality for everyone.

    Also, there have always been abusive and neglectful parents. Times may change, but human nature doesn't. There was never a time when all infants and children were perfectly cared for. Even aside from those who cause harm, I find it hard to believe that women of the past never found childcare difficult or frustrating, and they never struggled to adjust to motherhood. They were still human beings with human quirks, not robots with uniform pleasant emotions all the time.

    I'm certainly not suggesting it's bad to love and nurture your child; that's great, but do it because it's best for your child. I'm not suggesting no individual could make this happen, because many do. It's just that appealing to some magical "better" time that didn't exist doesn't really do much to grab me.

    I'm also extremely uncomfortable with how completely fathers are left out of this. It seems like sometimes mothers are viewed as the only important parent, and I think that's really damaging to families. Now, I haven't read the rest of it but what you posted, so it may be that fathers are mentioned later. But just from this snippet, it seems like this follows the trend of marginalizing and dismissing fathers. I hope that isn't really the case. ALL parents are important, not just the female ones.

  3. Here is a hug Gaia!  My son is starting the grieving process and at such a young age, he doesn't understand why he can't see his mommy, why his mommy broke rules that the judge gave her to follow to get him back, why she didn't go to the doctor to get well and not be sick anymore...

    He is acting out his grieving with anger and rage...sometimes he is very hard to handle...but I think with time, then he will grieve in another way...at least I hope so!  Therapy is helping him some.

  4. Just now.  I cried.  I wish all mom's kept their babies.  I wish all mom's believed their natural desire to nurture shouldn't be suppressed.  I wish my mom hadn't hit me.  I wish she had known how damaging her generation's parenting techniques are.  I wish she didn't want me to do that to my kids.  I wish she would read this and "get it".

    Need to go have a good cry now.  F*ck.

    ETA:  I have the right to grieve the loving mother I never had.  I SHOULD have had a loving mother.  We all should.  It is natural to have a loving mother - the one who's tummy you grew inside of.  Anyone who didn't have that - for whatever reason - has the right to grieve.  Give me thumbs down all you want.  Maybe I shouldn't have opened myself up this way, but I have the right to speak my truth.  Dammit, it hurts that my mother didn't love me.  So sue me.

    ETA2:  Gersh, I knew it wasn't you.  There are a few truly sick people on here who can't handle feelings displayed, and I wanted to tell them to f*ck off.  I won't be silenced.

    I have a question to some of the answerers.  I'm wondering if because this is an idealised view of motherhood, does that mean that we shouldn't strive for this?  We ought to just give up and accept that mothers should hit their kids, and mothers and children shouldn't have this kind of bond?  I agree, though, that it would be great if this writer would write something similar for fathers, and their roles in ancient times versus the present.

  5. they make it sound so easy. its interesting.  

    then realiity happens

    mothers of a long time ago, did hit their children.  REALITY.

    AS HARD AS I TRY, I CAN NOT GIVE MY SON THE PERFECT CHILDHOOD. I CAN GIVE HIM A GOOD ONE JUST NOT PERFECT.

    AS HARD AS YOU TRY WITH YOUR CHILDREN, THEY WILL FIND FALUT WITH YOU.

  6. is it a book?

  7. It was a lot easier when mothers didn't have to be fathers as well.

  8. The above read reminds me of the term "AP" for "Attachment Parenting" style as I am for the co-sleeping, nursing on demand...funny how acronym AP here means something entirely different.   I will definitely read the rest.

    We keep forgetting that our future is our children's hands & until we realize this our world is only going to keeping falling apart.

    Suzy - I think you may be looking too deep into it...a post from certain individuals doesn't mean it's an attack on a certain group or not.  If anything it's just a good read...something to make you go 'hmmm, remember when' type of stuff.

    I stayed home the first year & half with my child but have gone back to work...I in no way felt it was attack against working mothers.

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