Have you seen "The One I Love"? ?

Question

I'm jumping on the bandwagon with this partenza represa about life. I've tried to be formally pure and have also "linked" stanzas with repetitions; finally, the poem begins and ends with the same four words. I am interested in whether you think this works as poem or philosophical statement:

The one I love has faces two

Two aspects twined, a golden cord

A golden cord and Waterloo

And Waterloo lies unexplored.

Lies unexplored because I fear

Because I fear the dark unknown

Unknown although it lingers here

Here by the crop of tares I've sown.

Of tares I've sown, I've some regret

I've some regret for my misdeeds,

Misdeeds my fellow men abet,

Abet by watering the weeds.

The weeds of ignorance that grow,

That grow to trees if given time.

If given time, hands mute and slow

Slow mock me so in pantomime.

In pantomime are secrets locked.

Are secrets locked we must not see?

We must not see and we are blocked,

And we are blocked so studiedly.

So studiedly, the hand of Fate

The hand of Fate coils in her glove,

Her glove that hides 'til much too late

Too late to leave the one I love.

Answer 1

You have done the form justice.  I may have created the form, but you and several others have given it heart.  It makes me proud to see what wondrous art you all have created and how you all took my funny little form and turned it into an elegant structure with your beautiful words.  This is an excellent poem.  Well done.

Answer 2

woha!! that's such a singing form, and you've made it even more delightful, And oh! your excellent tropes adorn this work of art. This my dear friend, is what I call true poetry! you have inspired me anew, and I will write a partenza represa soon.

hank you for sharing with us the sweet gurgle of your ever-flowing stream of poetry. (and I'm not flattering here)

your disciple,

Rid

Answer 3

This appeals to the part of me which loves order and neatness and rules (I don't like admitting that last one!) iambic tetrameters throughout, alternating rhyming lines. Now I've seen this, after Elaine's I am itching to have a go myself.  As yet, I have no knowledge of the difficulty of partenza represa, but it must take skill to follow these rules and still produce a poem which has something worthwhile to say.  You have shown that skill (final goodbye gift to the reader - the first/last line linked phrase)...are you sure you're not related to Data off Star Trek?

One question only - Waterloo...has this any significance other than being an ABBA song?...no scrub that, that's my little joke, other than being the site of a battle?  I can't get the connection here.

Did you find that the structure controlled where the poem went?  I sense that in places, despite, as I previously said, your managing to produce a logical thread of thought throughout.

I am leaving now to write one of these d**n things or die trying (these may be my last words!)

Answer 4

Thanks for showing me this, Elaine.

I hope that all my friends read it. What we have here, is successful poetic communication. You have remained true to the climbing rhyme and, most importantly, to the iambic tetrameter. You've taken an already completed story and shaped it around the form, like a tinsmith making a pot lid. This is as good as any poem ever posted here, in my opinion.

Answer 5

Mars is aflame!

Answer 6

A very decent inspired piece. I contemplated this one and it leaves one pondering with the frog like I did the other night I read it! ribit! :)

And I mirror what the crew said.

  

Answer 7

This partenza is no misdeed, for sure!  It sings, you have the rhyme and meter down pat.  I have to tell you I love the last line in stanza 4.

The circular motion is like life.  I think this gem works as both poem

and statement.  And after my day yesterday, an oasis!

Answer 8

I liked this very much and you have put much creativity in this, yes I believe this does work as a poem, and a good job at that! An easy but very descriptive read!  Cheers!

Answer 9

This is real poetry. The form, created by Spyfyr, one of the Poets of Mars, shows the brilliance of some of this group.

Keep these poems in your files for a later trip to Mars.