Have your relatives ever stressed you out so much that you just had to move so far away & off to another city?

Question

long answers prefered!

Answer 1

Yes, actually I have.  There is a limit to what people can emotionally endure and when every attempt has been made to reason with family members to no avail, it can be a very healthy choice to move.  I am NOT referring to situations where it is minor offenses or irritations; I am referring to issues where family members want to force issues that are destructive.  I am also not referring to simple mistakes in judgment, but to outright patterns of abuse.

Both my parents and some of my siblings are this way.  I have had to limit their contact with my family because it became so destructive to my children and no amount of reasoning helped.  In fact every attempt to logically discuss the issue made things worse and gave them more ammunition to use against us.  

In the latest situation I have a younger sibling that left an abusive marriage and we allowed her to stay with us to get back on her feet.  She was abusive to my children and pets and began to try to seduce (unsuccessfully thankfully) my husband.  She threw a fit to break her restraining order even tho she knew her psycho husband was threatening to kill a family member a day (meaning my family).  She strained our finances to the brink and always asked for more resources/time, etc.  I ended up pretty much raising her kid and we had to force her to take on the bare minimum of adult responsibilities.

After a few months  we could handle no more.  We forced her to get a job.  We gave her 30 days to move out and helped her find a place.  We told her to leave our family alone, but she stalked us for several yrs.  My parents are irate; I guess they think I should share my husband (CREEPY).  They have spread lies about us far and wide.  Even to the point of going to our pastor to lie and searching my house when I wasn't home, even tho we live almost 800 miles away.  I have had to change churches and keep most details about our lives private so my mother doesn’t know (she has developed moles in town).

There is no way to reason with abusers.  When 90% of your time and energy is devoted to making them not abuse you, there is no rational choice but to live separately.  In our case if I have any contact with family they try to punish me, trick me, or force me into this creepy arrangement.  I now refuse to go down the rabbit hole with them and just avoid them.

Answer 2

You said long answers- you asked for it.

Me and my husband had just got married and moved to Tennessee to be near my grandparents (my grandmother isn't doing well).  We agreed to live with them for awhile until we could find a place we could afford.  

Not long after we moved down there I got pregnant.  Everything was going well.  Then it hit.

My uncle, my mother's brother, lives with my grandparents (he's well old enough to live on his own but refuses to).  Me and my husband noticed that he was smoking pot quite often and taking other drugs and did our best to avoid him.  He lived in a small house on my grandparents property (about 100 feet apart).  So we didn't have to see him very often.

But then we found out something that about made me kill him.  He had started growing pot in my grandmother's garden!  And he had several plants in his house- a grand total of 37 pot plants!  

Here I was pregnant and scared to death that he was going to get caught with his little business.  And then I found out that not only did my grandmother know about this, but condoned it and was caring for the plants in her garden.  Also she was keeping all of this secret from my grandfather.  He still works and isn't home very often because he's very active in the community.

Worst of all, my grandmother made me promise not to tell my grandpa.  So I told my mother and my father.  My father, sick of knowing that I was living under such circumstances without a place to go (we couldn't find a place to rent that wasn't infested with bugs or outrageously priced) finally told me to give him the Sheriff's Department number.  I gave it to him and he called them, told them that people were living in the house that had nothing to do with it and nowhere to go (to protect my grandpa).  

The cops showed up the same day.  There were probably 10 or more of them, with dogs and everything.  My husband had just went to work and we were eating supper.  They knocked on the door and escorted my uncle out of the house.

That night me and my husband decided to move back home.  My grandfather was furious at my grandmother, my uncle hadn't been taken to jail (like I had hoped) and we were terrified that my grandmother would find out that we had indirectly called the cops on her son and kick us out.

So we packed up and haven't been back since.  Since we left, my uncle has told all sorts of stories about us, saying that my husband had told him to plant them in the garden, that it was all my husband's idea to start growing them.  He even went so far as to pawn a guitar my grandfather had given me and blame me and my husband for it.  His name was on the pawn ticket!

I pretty well stopped talking to my grandparents because every time I call the jerk answers the phone.  He never got really punished for the crime either.  He got put on probation!  

So stressed is not really the word.  It was more like to brink of insanity.

Answer 3

Well lets just say i am living 1 1/2 hrs away from my cousin now.  She kept calling and calling to have me babysit her kids because she wanted to go out or she wanted to do this or that.  She was abusing her children and was reported and nothing was done about it and I just couldn't take it anymore so when the chance came to move away i took the offer.  I still get bugged by her but she can't just show up on my doorstep with the kids crying asking me to keep them and she can't just show up wanting money from me either.  I miss living around my grandparents though but I seriously needed to get away from my cousin and her mom and brother as they were driving me insane.

Answer 4

no one wants to have their family all up in their life and believe me i moved as far as i can get from my family and never though i would ever be happy. I love the fact that it is a 2hour drive to me thank my lucky stars

Answer 5

yes it has. when I was first married, we lived 2 blocks from my mother in law, she was at my door everyday, nice, but got to be way too much, she couldnt drive, so we moved 20 miles away, saw her yet, but not that much, best thing I ever did, love the woman, but everyone needs their spACE

Answer 6

YES MY PARENTS AND HUBBY'S PARENT A CRABBY NAGS AND THEY ***** ABOUT HOW WE RAISE OUR BOY SO WE MOVED 3 HOURS AWAY FROM THEM AND SOON TO BE 3000 MILES FROM THEM

Answer 7

Yes my mother and father. My whole life I have been second fiddle to my older brother he is always right and perfect. I was considered the bad one b/c I wasnt him. They still do that to this day. No matter how much good I do it's never enough, b/c I am never him. They told me a long time ago when I was little he was the favorite and I wasnt. My father would beat me but not him. I cleaned the house but not him and if I ever complained they said I was jealous of him. OF COURSE I was he was treated like a king. I love my brother I knew it wasnt his fault but it hurt just the same. Well later in life he found out he had a 2 year old on around the time I had my baby. They still treat his son better and buy him gifts everytime he comes over and never anything for my son. They let him get away with murder but are strict on mine. They are doing the same thing. Recently my father attacked me in his garage while I was holding my son and I decided I had to move near my inlaws in Texas. My husband is in Iraq and wont be home for 6 more months so I had to stop the cycle. If they cant appreciate me there maybe they can while I'm away, or not it's up to them but I will not let them mess with my son like they did with me. wow now if I can just say all that to them, it might help!