Having a Handfasting: Invite Catholic parents?

Question

I'm being Handfasted on Mabon. My parents (Catholic, I was raised Catholic, been Pagan for 8 years, and am out of the broom closet with them) are going to be in town. I've been living with my fiance for about a year, they haven't met him yet, they live out of state.

Should I invite them to the ritual (nothing legal, wedding-wise), or not? (Mom is highly uncomfortable with my religious status)

Answer 1

i know very little about being pegan, but i at least know it's not a cult or anything lol... so maybe try to explain to them what it is that you're doing... maybe show them an informative website or 2 about that ceremony... tell them you'd really like for them to be there... it wil be their decision to make at that point...Good luck and take care

Answer 2

Tell her you understand her feelings, but that it would mean a lot if she would come.  If she doesn't want to come, that's her perrogative, but at least give her the option.

Answer 3

As a Catholic mom, I'd be very upset if my daughter didn't invite me to her wedding, no matter what kind of ceremony it was.  

Answer 4

I am faced with the same problem. Both my fiance and our parents and entire family are christian. I want to have a handfasting and he wants a regular christian wedding. So, we had to comprimise, with having both. The Christian wedding will be for him and our families. While the handfasting is for me and all of our pagan friends.

Have you tried explaing to your mom what a handfasting is? Your mom should be understanding enough to realize that this is what you want and what will make you happy. She should be willing to go being that you are her child. It would probably be a good eye opening experiance for her.

But if if is going to make you miserable having your there mom because of how she may act, the don't invite her.

Answer 5

I almost agree with Sparki -- except for the "nothing legal, wedding-wise" part.  If I understand you correctly, you're having just the handfasting ritual for its own sake.  It's likely to be acutely uncomfortable for your mom, given her discomfort with your beliefs in general.  But since your folks have never even met your intended, it would be nice to at least introduce them to an acquaintance with each other (over dinner or something?) while they're in town.  Perhaps the overall tone of that encounter will tell you whether or not to invite them to the ritual -- in a way that also allows them to gracefully decline, if they wish.

Answer 6

I think you should invite them, but assure them that if they are too uncomfortable to attend you will understand.

Answer 7

I personally won't if it's not a wedding or legal.  If you mom is highly uncomfortable with it- then don't upset her with it.  Invite her and explain it to her in a way she would understand, because I don't understand what it is!  And when she refused- just don't push it.

I really personally don't understand the point of doing any type of "wedding" unless it's legal.  And not to be mean but in my eyes it's kinda like a pretend wedding unless your going to get a legal document after wards.  I guess you can say- I am like your mother in a sense of I don't see the point of rituals and I wouldn't attend.  What's the point?

My cousin did a handfast but they get the properly legal documents to be married at the court house.  So I guess you can say they were legally married then did the pegan ritual.

Answer 8

Invite them, definitely. They can always turn you down if they are uncomfortable enough with your beliefs that they would rather miss your handfasting. You say they haven't met your fiance which suggests that you're somewhat estranged. Your wedding may be an opportunity to reconnect.

If, however, you think they are likely to raise a fuss in protest if you invite them then perhaps you can tell them that they are welcome to come if they agree to not make a fuss. At the very least, in that case, tell them why they aren't invited.

ETA: Bubbles makes a good point. There are significant advantages to being legal. 1 year isn't long enough to be considered common-law (most places), so you should look into taking the time (it's very quick) to get a civil marriage performed as well.