Having a bio child then adopting?

Question

is this a okay thing to do?

do the children ussually have problems or feel left out of the family?

how cna you help them cope and feel like a special member of our family and like they belong?

Answer 1

Whether you have a bio-kid or not, an adopted child may not feel as though they belong.  

I was adopted first, and then my adoptive parents had three bio-children (they were told they couldn't have kids).  They treated me well, loved and supported me, and didn't make me feel different.  But felt different I did.  

Not every adoptee may feel this way, but you have to know that they might.  And from what I've seen here (and elsewhere) I don't think there's anything you can do to guarantee that a child you adopt won't feel this way.

Answer 2

I had my biological children in 1983 and 1984 and we adopted siblings age 5 and 1 at the time in 2003....

My oldest was in college and my oldest daughter was getting ready to go to college... so we have not had too many sibling kinds of issues as I didn't raise the children side-by-side...

In our situation if any of the children have felt cheated or treated differently it would be the bios... because when they were little kids my life was different and they had less then our adopted children are given....  Less of my time, less Square Footage to live in... Less Yard to play in....

My aunt and uncle had two sons and adopted my cousin...a girl.... She was/is the Princess of the family and knows it well....

Another Aunt and Uncle adopted my girl cousin and then When I was pregnant and my aunt was 42 years She actually got pregnant after years of infertility! Ended up having my cousin 2 weeks before I had my son....

I have a friend who has had two bios....adopted a little girl 3 years ago--is about to finalize on relative siblings that were placed for adoption. Last year she "carried" a friends Egg and that friend Husband's Sperm as a Surrogate (not in any way genetically related to her or her husband)...and right now she is due to have a baby this summer..... No one in that family can even figure out who is adopted or not! But--it works for them!

Answer 3

My husband is a biological child to his family and is older brother and younger sister are adopted.  There couldn't be a happier family.  Although I hear growing up when they got into trouble they would use being adopted as an excuse.  I hear my husband used to say his mom loved them more.  This was only when he was trying to get what he wanted.  Good luck!  There are a lot of children in need of a good home.

Answer 4

What I suggest, is not treating either child differently.  Don't parent one in a certain way, and the other in another.  However, do let the adopted child know they are adopted, just make it like a part of their life.  I have a friend who was adopted from china and it's just part of who she is because her parents didn't keep anything from her.

If they still feel like an outsider, just sit them down and let them get everything off their chest.

Answer 5

We have a teenage biological son and adopted two younger (school age) children.  As I responded in another question, if there was one thing we sorely underestimated, it was the effect that being an instant big brother had on our oldest son.  

He was with us through the process, very much supported the adoption, but even after all of the discussions and preparations, the Real Thing was more than he expected.  

Our family is doing fine.  We have some sibling arguments and our oldest son is learning to be a big brother instead of a third parent.  Our younger son idolizes him and he and our daughter have figured out that joining forces to get what you want from Mom and Dad works better than trying it alone!  Those two are a pretty formidable tag team, when they want!  

So, if I can offer advice from experience, make sure that the biological child has supports on hand before the adoption occurs.

Answer 6

We had two sets of twins all girls so when we chose to adopt  it was not only because we wanted a boy but we have pleanty of love , we treat him no different and the girls do not treat him different.  In fact one of the older twins said he was meant to be her brother he acts just like us.  We will tell him when he is old enough to understand.  He was Born IN MY HEART!

Answer 7

Its a perfectly normal way to do things if you want.  Personally, my wife and I adopted 15 years ago, because we wanted to and because we were in a situation where we could.  Two years later our daughter was born.  After that we were unable to have more children and we found out that we shouldn't have been able to have the one we did. (miracles do happen I guess).

Now, with a 15 year old and a 13 year old we have a 2 month old in the house with us who will be adopted as soon as CAS gets the paperwork done to perminantly sever the bio moms rights (long sad story there lemme tell you).

The bottom line is that I have 2 adopted children now and one born to us.  One is east Indian, one is white like my wife and I and the third is (non status) First Nations (North American Indian).  My kids have experiences growing up in a multi racial, blended family that most kids would never understand.  In our case, race and method of arrival into the family mean nothing.  We are all members of the same family, no conditions, no qualifiers.

If you want to do that then go for it.

Answer 8

I'm an adopted adult whose adopted family had a biological 8 year old when they adopted me.  In addition, I had a biological daughter who tried to get pregnant for 6 years, then when they figured out the problem and started treating it she got pregnant at the same time exactly as she was placed with a baby.  

In my case, my adoptive family had all the wrong reasons to adopt... their first child was blind, they wanted someone to help him, they wanted a daughter to care for them when they got old, they wanted someone to help with work in the house and yard.  In fact the adoption agency sent them home after they applied because they said "You need to think of at least one reason to adopt that is for the child's benefit".  Well they finally came up with one, but I must say it was half-hearted.    So in addition to health problems of my adoptive mother and all the extra needs of my adoptive brother, along with a lack of love and some abuse, I would not consider it a good thing.  When my adoptive mother died a few years ago, my father was quick to point out that she had never loved me, as if I hadn't ever guessed that.  Though I do feel that he loved me.  So in this instance, it was a mixed blessing, as it was certainly better than my birth mother could have done in her own circumstances.

  For my daughter, if she had become pregnant earlier, she would still have wanted to adopt and is loving and kind to her new adopted daughter.  She and her husband also had a couple of foster children before this and were very attached to one of them.  

  So for normal families who are adopting as a way to have another child to love, I don't think it matters if a family has both bio and adopted children.  It's also a way to extend love outside of our biological connections, because we are all related at some level.

Answer 9

its perfectly okay. as long as its not in your that its your adopted (son/daughter) and you except them and love them as your biological...questions like this wouldn't even pop into the head.