Having children while spouse is in the military?

Question

My fiance and i are getting married in December and he is deploying for his second tour in afghanistan in april. He wants us to try and have a child before he leaves because he is very concerned about this deployment. I love him and we plan on having kids but i am unsure if now is the right time. I am still in school and it would make things a lot more difficult. I want to know what other military families would say on this situation?

Answer 1

YOU BOTH need to be ready to have children!

Not just him.

Not just you.

BOTH!

You are already making sacrifices for his military service.  Especially with the thoughts of you being a Military Wife.  YOU have the harder job!

You need to finish school and move forward with your career before having children.  Otherwise, your going to hold it against him 10 to 15 years from now.

He should NOT be concerned about his deployment!   He needs to have confidence in everything he is doing to make YOU feel secure.  I have been deployed to Iraq twice (6 and 13 months) and Afghanistan (8 months), and I would NEVER ask that out of my wife!

Besides, if he is going over, it may be MORE than 9 months (even if he is slated for 6).  He will WANT to be there with you!

Answer 2

If you have to ask then you are not ready to have children.

You both should want to have a child and be ready for everything that comes with having a child.

Nobody on here should give you an answer about having a child under these conditions this is entirely between you and your husband and nobody should be giving you advice on when and how you should do this.

Good luck

Answer 3

How much longer do you have in school? This should be both of yours first priority, then after he comes back try to have kids. Your school and his military position will make having and raising kids easier. This day and age it Takes Two to support a family properly and prepare for retirement. Good Luck and I hope this helps.

Vet-USAF

Answer 4

I live at Fort Hood, where the babies come exactly 9 months after deployment or R&R. I am also in school and we're contemplating the same things. Here are my thoughts...

It is understandable that he wants children and doesn't know how things will turn out during the deployment. But that is not a really good reason to push up the pregnancy schedule. Its hard to be pregnant alone, deliver alone, and handle the first few months alone PLUS a school schedule. And as much as he may want those children now, YOU are the one who will be home taking care of them without help AND going to school. So I believe your feelings on this matter should be taken into very careful consideration as well.

Often the men forget that the babies are as much work as what they are doing...granted, less dangerous work. But work just the same. Hopefully you have an understanding supportive husband who will value your opinion as much as his biological clock. Good luck!

Answer 5

If the time isn't right than you have your answer.  This is something you need to discussion with your fiance.  It is hard being pregnant/having kids while your loved ones are away.

I think you should finish you education because once you have kids your priorities will change.  

Answer 6

My husband and I are both in the military.  He is scheduled to deploy beginning of next year.  We want children, but not yet.  If anything happens, we have a contingency plan.  

I'm going to freeze my eggs and he will freeze his sperm.  This way if one of us dies, we are still able to have the other's child and carry on the love in a young one.