Having someone elses child vs. Having your own. (please read before you answer)?

Question

I've seen alot a questions on here asking why more people don't get involved with children in the system. Not necissarily adopting, but becoming a permanent foster parent, voulenteering at orphanages, or things of that nature. And I've always come across the same answers.

1.)There is no feeling like having your own child

2.) Why should I have to take care of soemone elses responsibility.

3.) These kids are too damaged for me.

I remember three foster kids at my school told me this.

1.)There is no feeling that compares to not being wanted and knowing no one wants you.

2.) I always will have to live with the fact that I will never have parents because I'm someone elses kid

3.)Everyone thinks you're skrewed up and wants nothing to do with you. I hate going to my friends houses becuase I always hear a remark like "She's so good, it's so sad she's in foster care.

What do you think is the best reason not to get involved with these kids? OR would you rather just have your own?

Answer 1

Honestly, I would rather have my own child. That is the feeling and life I want to experience. I may sound selfish, but if I have my own child, I will not have the $ and means to also care for foster children.

Answer 2

I think it takes a lot to take somebody else's kid in for foster care or adoption, but nobody said raising kids' easy. Even your own kid could be testy. That's why you hear other parents complain "I dunno where he got that attitude from". If you look at the kids in the system as kids that are "different" then you will have a tougher time with them, prejudice may step in, and it will sooner or later. And every little mishap will be blamed on their being somebody else's kid.

But always remember, nothing is impossible if you will it. And love begets love. Not all kids that are given away or orphaned are damaged and not all kids who are sheltered and pampered are good-natured.

I have vowed that regardles if my husband and I get to have our own kids, I want us to still adopt at least one child. Just to give a little back, for all the blessings that we have been given. We may not be able to care for all the abandoned and needy children out there but we saved one soul from great despair.

Answer 3

i am having my own, so i guess that was my choice, but i think fostering would be really hard knowing they were going back to possibly abusive homes in the future, i couldnt fall in love with those kids and send them away, i would want to keep them all forever

Answer 4

You sound like a wonderful human being looking to do the right thing. And I trust that you will. There is such a terrific amount of horrendous things going on in this beautiful world of ours because of overpopulation. Bringing a life onto this planet is an honour, a privilege, and a great responsibility. Too many of us humans are not remembering this. You would be doing the one most vitally important act that we humans can do - love. Love a child, love another human being. Instead of speaking of these souls as being unwanted or unloved - try positive, supporting and nurturing words. Our own children  eventually leave the nest and go out on their own. Would loving a child for any length of time be horrendous? I think not. Therefore, you can absolve 1) by loving and wanting as many children or adults in your life as you can - and we always have room for one more, don't we? As for 2) - there is quite a difference between what a parent is and the person who brought the life into being. Any man can be a father - it takes a special man to be a dad. Any woman can be a mother - it takes a special woman to be a mom. A parent is the person who cares for,  loves and nurtures an individual. Any person who would make such a remark as 3) is, in my opinion, an ignorant uneducated uncaring individual for starters. How about "She's so good, it's great that she is in a loving family!"  If we change the wording to positive, loving words, we change the perspective and the reality. Go for the kids -  it is the greatest gift you could give yourself, the children, and this planet. In the beginning was the Word, the Word is God, and God is Love. In the beginning was Love. Love.

Answer 5

I have a stepson whom I love dearly, but it's really hard to feel like they are your child.  I don't know how kids in the system are or aren't because I don't think I've ever met any of them, but I know how that my poor stepson is constantly being moved from our home to her home and feeling a little displaced because of it.  I want to have my own children because I want to know how it feels.  I want to be able to have the same connection that I have with my mom and not have other parents that they have to worry about upsetting.  I want them to be able to be free.  As for kids in the system, I have thought about doing that for kids when my kids start growing up, but it does scare me to know what the kids have been through.  What if I'm not enough for them?  What if I just can't handle everything that they are going through?  And worst of all, what if I can't love them?  What if they walk away from house feeling just like they did when they got there?  I still hope to be able to adopt or be a foster parent some day, but I do also want to have my own children as well.

Answer 6

I really don't feel it makes much of a difference where the child comes from, as long as the child is loved. It does benefit many to adopt children as it gets them out of the foster care system which can be a cruel place at times. But, some just would rather have a child of their own making. It all would depend on who you are and what you want. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. Adopting would make a child feel like he finally has a family who loves him.