Having the child or adopting??

Question

i am pregnant and with the father still but he wants to adopt. but everytime i think about it i just cant handle it and break down...i know i am young to have a child and still in college but my parents are really supportive and i know i could make it work. but my bf keeps thinking were getting an adoption and i know if i do keep him, me and my bf will probably end up breaking up eventually. i love him so much and i dont know what to do. i dont know if i can be a single mother. and i have his parents who are SOOOO for adoption and asking me what im doing all the time and then my parents who are SOOO for me keeping him hounding me. its driving me crazy. I told him i would at least go and look into adoption but its so hard. i dont know what to do.

Answer 1

Ok, first and foremost I am in almost the exact same situation right now.  Except me and my boyfriend already broke up.  I told him that adoption is an option but I'm leaning more towards raising the child.  He and his family on the other hand ONLY want adoption.  My family is also very supportive of me and I feel EXACTLY the same scared and loving and confused emotions as you do.  Please email me if you need to.  I posted almost the exact same question about 45 minutes ago

p.S. I tried to send you an email but you don't have your address posted on here. I would love to email back and forth with someone in such a similar situation w/ me.  We need to keep each other strong!  My email is on my page here on Yahoo answers.

Answer 2

When you are pregnant, you already begin to feel a bond with your baby.  Don't cause yourself grief by trying to make everyone around you happy.  Do what's best for you.

If you want to keep the baby, DO IT! You may not be happy later with bf anyway b/c of resentment over "his decision" to give up the child.

You two need to know that, while the older parents here (yours and bf's) may have your best interest at heart, they aren't you; the decision is entirely your own. Look at the pros and cons of both sides and try not to feel overwhelmed.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Do whats best for the child do think you should adopt it or keep it it your choice so do whats right

Answer 4

First - if you feel that you must keep your promise to your boy friend to look into adoption, DO NOT under any circumstances get your information from an adoption agency, an adoption facilitator, or an adoption attorney.  They do not make money unless they can get expectant parents to give their babies to their clients.  Instead of unbiased information, they will give a load of propaganda designed to make you feel that you are not worthy to keep your baby.  And do not listen to them about the wonders of open adoption - it is still adoption with all of the grieving.

This is your decision, no one elses.  And with the wonderful support that your parents are offering, you will be a spectacular mother.  I think that you should tell your boy friend with your parents that you do not want an adoption and that your parents will help you with your child.  He will be upset and confused, but I think that you should give him some time and a chance to come around.  Guys have a longer runway on unexpected parenthood.  Your boy friend may not even understand the magnitude of relinquishing until he sees his baby the first time.

Your parents are pushing you because they fear losing their grandchild .  Also, they probably know someone who has given their child away in an adoption and know the horrible grieving for the mother.  No parent wants to see their child go through that kind of grieving.

With my very best wishes and hopes.

Answer 5

You do what you feel is necessary. Is this guy worth it if he wants you to give up your baby for him? How do you think he will feel in a few years, when you may be ready to have children?

What is important to you? That is the big question. If you feel you can handle having a child, then figure you WILL be a single parent. It's not as hard as it seems. It would be better to be a single parent with a child who loves you, than to be in a controlling relationship where you do whatever your man wants.

Answer 6

Do what YOU feel is best for you. You mentioned you are proabably going to break up eventually, if you truly believe that then don't do it, your going to feel bad for listening to him and putting it up for adoption. If your parents are really supportive and you want to keep the baby, then go for it.  A baby is the most beautiful gift that can be given to you. Good luck!

Answer 7

I don't know you so it is hard to say what you should do. Did you know there is a form of adoption called open adoption where you can pick the parents and visit the child as he grows?  I got pregnant when I was 15 and that is what I did.  He is 10 now and things are great.

Answer 8

I think you already know what to do. Keep your child. As much as you love your BF you will love that baby a million times more. No man is worth losing your baby!

If you can't even handle thinking about adoption imagine what it will be like to actually do it. It is never ending pain to be seperated from your baby. It does not get better with time. It usually gets worse.

If you need help feel free to contact me. I will help you find resources to help you and your baby. Don't let anyone pressure you into this. You and your child will be the ones to pay the price.

Answer 9

I'm sorry you are in such a tough spot.  

Unfortunately, I can't tell you what you should do.  You'll have to think long and hard about the pros and cons of keeping vs adopting.  I agree that adoption agencies will be all weird and pushy about going the adoption route.  I have looked into adopting recently and I am shocked and sickened by how many adoption agencies and hopeful adoptive parents basically do everything and anything to steal babies away from unsure mothers to be.  Yuck.

I can't imagine how hard it would be to give your baby away to virtual strangers, and then have the rest of your life to wonder where that child is, what it is doing, whether or not it's happy, etc.  Not to mention, once you choose that route, that's it, there's no going back.

On the other hand, having a child is a huge responsibility.  You will have someone else other than you to take care of for at least 18 years, you will miss parties and being a kid/young adult because you will have responsibilities that keep you at home.

It all depends on what means more to you and what you want.  Try and tune everyone else out and think of what YOU want and what is going to be best for you.  Not just for the time being, but 10 years from now, 15 years from now.  Try to think about your life down the road, too.

Good luck to you.

Answer 10

Sounds like your man is immature.  A man who wants you to put the baby up for adoption doesnt need to be having s*x in the first place.  I wouldn't worry about him in the end, you have your family.  I could never put my baby up for adoption!!!  Why would you want to put your baby up for adoption? I would think everything threw.  Adoption would be the easy way out, but what about your baby?  I think that if your parents are there to help you, you should definately want to keep you baby.  Even though you might be a single mother, you will manage because your parents are very supportive of what is going on.  I got pregnant at 19 and had him when I was 20, believe me you can manage to do all you still want to.  If you want to go to college, I am sure you parents will find a way to help you get threw it.  Best of luck to you!!

Answer 11

Its your child.  If you wish to keep it, do so.  There will be costs though.  

The father obviously doesnt want to take responsibility for his actions, and knows that there will be a liability for child support if the child is not adopted.  I dont feel that such a father would be a good life partner, or a good parent.

Your parents will be Grandparents, and will appreciate the personal knowlege that their grandchild is part of their lives, someone for them to treasure.

Answer 12

I'm so sorry that you're going through such emotional turmoil right now. Dealing with a relationship with a boyfriend who is not being supportive of you and his own child is difficult. Add to that all of the feelings that you have while being pregnant. It's got to be tough, but I hope that you will really focus on your pregnancy right now. Your baby needs you, and you should enjoy this very incredible experience of bringing a son or daughter into your life.

You say that you don't know if you can be a single mother. I want to tell you that I was once pregnant and without any support and I chose adoption. I never had the opportunity to find out if I could parent my child. Now, many years later after having lost my baby I think that I could have done it, but it is too late, I will never know. I will never know what it would have been like to raise my baby, to care for him, to watch over him and love him every day. All I know is that losing my son to adoption is the biggest regret of my life and there is no way to un-do this. There is a lot of grief in losing a child, there is a lot of grief for your child in losing his or her mother. You are the only mother your baby knows, wants or needs.

Please accept your parents support, keep your baby within your family. Don't make the same mistake I did.

I agree with what others have said about the boyfriend. If he isn't supporting you at one of the most important times of your life how supportive of you will he be in the future?

best wishes for you.

Answer 13

If you are ready to care for the baby, keep it, it's your choice.  The parents don't want him to be financially responsible for it, which he will be.  These don't sound like good people.  It is up to you, no one else.

Answer 14

Don't do it.  You will regret it for the rest of your life.  If you are feeling like you want to keep the baby, then  you should do this.  Don't let others influence your decision.

Answer 15

Do what is in your heart. Don;t give your child up simply to keep a guy, because if he is willing to leave you because you couldn;t part with your child than he is willing to leave you for anything, he don;t consider your feelings in soemthing that is extremly emotional.

It is your child and your decision to keep it. Have a look at the adoption centers and talk to the councellors there but if you decide that it just isn't for you don't do it.

I hada child at 20, I was still in college and I am happy with the way my life turned out. I finished school and I am still with the fatehr and I now havea  handosm 28 mth old running around driving me crazy.

Answer 16

You need to do what you think is right, if is isn't going to support your decision in keeping the baby then you really shouldn't be with him.

If he really loved you he'd support you no matter what.

Answer 17

You should think long and hard about what you want to do because this is a lifetime decision.  You will be the one to live with this decision, even after the BF is gone.  If you know that you could not give your child up to another couple, don't just do it to satisfy him.  He just doesn't want to take responsibility.

Pray on your decision before you make it.

Answer 18

You need to do what is necessary.  An option is - open adoption.  If you feel that you want to give the child up - someone else could raise the baby and then you would be able to visit and keep in touch, if needed.  I have a friend who does this - and she is very comfortable with it now.  It's definitely a tough decision.

Answer 19

If your parents are real supportive,  and you really want this baby,  then you should keep it.     I have never been in that situation.  I was happily married when I started having kids.  I could not imagine carrying a baby and then just giving it away.   Your  whole life,    you will be wondering what happened to that child?     I would not be able to do that.  I would always wonder about him or her and where they are and what they are acheiving in life.   If you feel you can give this baby a decent life,  I think you should keep it. .

Answer 20

It sounds as if you have already answered this question for yourself.  You are confident in your ability to make it work AND you have support!!  There is no reason for you not to be your child's Mom, and the only person your child needs is YOU.

Your baby already feels your love, and YOU are the one s/he expects and needs when s/he is born.  Your baby is already comforted by your heartbeat, your body's rhythms, your voice, etc.  Imagine how upset s/he would be if s/he met with strangers instead!

If your bf leaves you once you have become an awesome Mom, then he was not worth keeping around because his love will have been conditional.  Who needs someone like that in their life - especially as a lifelong partner!?

You can do it - I can see that in you already.  Be strong and tell everyone this is your decision, and to stop hounding you!

Answer 21

what is more important... a boyfriend that will probably not last forever or a child that will love u and always love u FOREVER!! doesnt seem like a very hard question to me. that is YOUR FLESH AND BLOOD!!!!!!! keep that child!! u will regret it so bad once u hold him and look into his lil eyes n cuddle him n then u have to give him to someone else. he will be calling some other woman mommy and be depending on her for everything. and if u change ur mind later on in life then that is too bad. he will not kno who u r. u will be nobody to him. keep ur baby!!! u will never regret keeping a baby but u will always regret giving 1 up!!!!

Answer 22

Listen to your parents!  They are right!

Everything will be just fine!

Answer 23

sounds like you have your mind made up and you have a very supportive family- listen to your heart- if b/f leaves you over this then he never really loved you- and believe me when you see that little baby for the first time- that's real love that's your whole world- you do what you think is best for you.

Answer 24

its your choice, hun. if you feel as if you can't take care of the baby and you want to keep your boyfriend then give the baby for adoption. But if you want to keep the baby and think that you will give him love and care then keep him, but your boyfriend might brake up with you. My opinon that you should keep the baby and find a boyfriend that wants a baby right now. You should do what ever is best for you and your boyfriend. Good Luck with your choice!

Answer 25

IF YOUR PARENTS ARE SO SUPPORTIVE OF YOU KEEPING THE BABY AND YOU WANT TO KEEP THE BABY THEN KEEP IT. IT IS YOUR CHILD EVEN THOUGH THE FATHER DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KEEP IT. HAVE HIM SIGN HIS RIGHTS AWAY AT BIRTH AND HE WON'T HAVE ANY RIGHTS TO THE CHILD WHAT SO EVER.

IT IS YOUR DECISION IF YOU KEEP THE CHILD OR NOT. NOT YOUR BF,HIS PARENTS, OR YOUR PARENTS.

IF YOU DO DECIDE TO PUT THE BABY UP FOR ADOPTION,TALK WITH YOUR PARENTS AND SEE IF THEY WANT TO ADOPT HIM SO THAT THE BABY IS STILL PART OF YOUR LIFE AND YOU CAN SEE HIM GROW UP.

IT IS OBVIOUS THAT YOUR BF AND HIS PARENTS WANT YOU TO PUT THE CHILD UP FOR ADOPTION SO I DON'T THINK HE WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM OF YOUR PARENTS ADOPTING THE CHILD IF THEY WANT TOO.

THIS IS A VERY HARD DECISION FOR YOU TO MAKE BUT IT IS YOUR TO MAKE. NOBODY ELSES. YOUR BODY AND YOUR CHILD. EVEN THOUGH THE CHILD IS NOT HERE YET, YOU HAVE STILL BOUNDED WITH HIM.

GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES WITH YOUR DECISION

Answer 26

well its your decicision dont be pressured by anybody

Answer 27

Tell him that even though adopting children may be a great thing, you want your own children. Wanting your own children is perfectly normal. If he keeps bringing up the idea, tell him the idea makes you a bit uncomfortable. Maybe you could reason with him so that you can have your own children, but maybe support orphans as well.

Answer 28

Give the baby up for adoption.  Somewhere there is a family with more resources than you who will love that child just as much as you could.  

I'm not saying that more resources means better parenting -- not at all.  But  people who can't afford children SHOULD NOT have them.  It's unfair to the child.