He's calling tonight and I need some help.?

Question

So I'm 7weeks pregnant I've known since way early on. My boyfriend lives 150miles away and is freaking out. I told him the day I found out 3 weeks ago. He's a farmer and is currently in his busy season. He's freaking out and not sure if he wants it or not. I've talked to his sister about it and she says that he's the type of guy to walk away from things. I honestly can't see him leaving me to raise a child on my own but the I can't get the idea out of my head. We haven't official sat down and talked about the whole situation yet just bits and pieces on the phone while he was in the combine. His answer for everything is "I don't know". He's suppose to call me tonight and I would like to set a few things straight and get something out of him I don't know what. Some kind of reassurance would be nice. What can I say to him and what can I ask him tonight on the phone? He's the kind of the guy that when he's under stress he pulls away and keeps to himself. Help! I'm willing to relocate and my job is flexible in that I could (I'm a nurse) and he knows this. What can I say tonight?

Answer 1

If it were me (and I know this is easier for me to say than for you to do...), I'd step back a little bit.  Let him make the decision completely on his own.  Make sure he knows that you're committed to having this baby and you'd really like for him to be completely involved and that you're willing to sacrifice to make that happen, but that you only want that if he's going to be able to give his 100% as a father.  Tell him this is not a decision he has to make tonight on the phone, but that there is a lot of thinking he should do.  I'd even suggest you guys go together to a counselor in his city just to help you talk it through.  Even if you don't have health insurance, you should be able to get into a family marriage counselor for $60 and ask them to try to make the most of just a couple sessions.  Expensive, but probably worth every penny.  Tell him it's just a really hard thing to talk about and it would help if someone helped you guys talk through it so that there are not any misunderstandings or misconceptions.  Getting an answer tonight isn't the most important thing - him making the decision to stand by your side and STAY by your side because he made the decision to be a good man and wasn't guilted into it (that could be an excuse he might use at a later date).  Let him make the decision without prodding or guilt, but make sure he knows you'd love for him to be there.

Answer 2

be like look u didnt care to have s*x with me and so you shouldnt care to be a dad. tell him to grow up and be a man

Answer 3

Well, however you do it you need to do it carefully.  You've described him as someone who makes rash decisions that usually involve him running away from the problem.

Tell him you care about him and that you care about this baby and that you will need his support.  Don't go into moving to be with him just yet, ease him into it.  Just tell him his support is needed.  Ask him how he feels about it now that he's had 3 weeks to think about it.  He really should have some firm ideas.  I hate when guys say "I dunno" or "whatever"!  How frustrating.  Goodluck with your convo, just try not to be too pushy.  Just little bits at a time.

Answer 4

Well, if you are flexible enough to relocate then put that on the table. If he is willing to walk away from this, he's a frickin jerk and you don't need him anyway. He will end up having to pay child support. You may not think you are strong enough to raise a child on your own but you are. Women lift cars off their kids.. when you see that baby you will do anything for it. And being a single mom isnt the end of the world. I know some AMAZING single fathers * wink wink * and my stepdad has always been so awesome when it came to helping my mom and me. So really... don't fool yourself into thinking you need him.

Answer 5

Tell him that this is his situation also, and he needs to step up and be a man. It took both of you, and it will take both of you from now on. Seriously he cant get away from it, so bummer for him either way he is commited in some way. Good luck to you and be tough!

Answer 6

just tell him you need to get together and talk i wouldnt do it over the phone honestly hun dont feel bad for him he new what he was doing when you had s*x theres always a chance every  time you do it gee what about you whos supporting you he can run and hide under a rock if it makes him feel better truth is theres no were to hide from your own child what he should be asking himself is ok 99% of us arnt always ready weather were male or feamale but but would he really want to miss out on those precious moments with his child theres nothing more special and you deserve to injoy your pregnancy good luck hun  

Answer 7

When he calls tonight just talk about the baby. Talk about the future and what life would be like and the fun all 3 of you will have. Make light of it. Make sure to get an answer out of him other than the "IDK". Make him talk, have him be the one throwing out options or ideas. &&&

Just because he may not want the baby, doesn't mean you have to get rid of it. I mean.. Do you want it? Giving birth to another human being is the best feeling in the world, and you'll never regret it, as for if you abort it, you'll have regrets about it your whole life. Even if the both of you still don't want it, have the baby because there's always adoption. Don't deny the right to life. Hopefully you both will make the right desicion.