He's just not good enough for her!!?

Question

My cousin is "engaged" and getting married next July. She choose me to be her maid of honor. But i'm having probs with this whole wedding! i'm trying to be happy for her, but her "fiance" does not work (and hasen't for the two years they have been together), she bought her own engagment ring (off bidz.com) and wedding band, and bought him and engagment ring. he does nothing but sit at home, and uses her money. He still isn't 100% sure he wants her daughter to call him "dad" or be a REAL father to her. I think the only reason he would do this is cause she takes care of EVERYTHING. we got into a big fight about two weeks ago and it did nothing. she just can't see. i want to be happy for her but i just can't cause he is NOT good enough for her! what do i do!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Answer 1

You should step down from being MOH, and just be a guest at the wedding. They deserve to have attendants who are supportive of them getting married.

Answer 2

well given the situation someone should bring up a pre-nup for the safty of not only her but her daughter.  If he loves her then he shouldnt ahve an issue signing it.

As for you not approving, you can tell her but it can tear you apart and only push her at him more.  Just be there, she will need you eventaully from the sounds of it.

Answer 3

I would refuse to have anything to do with their wedding.

Answer 4

getting married next July? That's a year away.

Don't even worry about it. They probably won't even be together.

Answer 5

You do nothing here.  You may have just cause to feel the way you do, but if you keep this up, all you're going to do is alienate your cousin against YOU, not her fiance.  The best thing you can do is simply be there for her.  You support her, because you love her, and you want her to be happy.  If she says this is what makes her happy, then you have to live with that.  She's an adult, she's big enough to figure things out on her own.  Also, no one outside of a relationship really knows what goes on INSIDE a relationship.  If (and when) the you know what hits the fan, she'll need to know that you're more concerned about her happiness than needing to say "see, I told you so."  Hope this helps you support her, not in her choice of mate, but at least in her right to make the decision.  And show her that no matter what, you'll be there for her.  I hope (for her sake) that you are wrong about him, and she's very happy with him.  Best wishes to you and to her!

Answer 6

I can understand why you would think this person is not good enough for her. But, you have voiced your concerns and obviously she is not listening. You have to think that even if you backed out of being her MOH she will still end up marrying this guy. This is her decision and she is asking you for your support. You don't have to have anything to do with the fiance. You are just there to support the bride...and from the way you are describing her fiance it sounds like she is going to need a lot of good people around her.

I know it's hard, but don't let your hatred for him get in the way of your love for her. Do it for her...

Answer 7

I say stay out of it.  It will just make your cousin bitter towards you  If the wedding is still a year away, there is plenty of time for her to realize what a scumbag he is.  However, if she thinks he is good enough for her than that is all that matters.  She will do what she wants to do, no matter what anyone says.

Answer 8

That's a tough one. I personally would not be the maid of honor, and might back out of being in the wedding party all together. But I would offer to help out and be there as much as I could for her.

I went through this with a friend of mine. I told her I did not feel comfortable supporting the marriage and couldn't be in her bridal party, but I was totally happy being there for her. She was mad, but let me help plan some things and I went to the parties and what-not. It was like I was in it, but just didn't stand there on the day. Anyway, thankfully, they got divorced about two years later. And when she told me, she said, "I guess you can say 'you told me so' now," but I just hugged her and told her I always loved her.

Answer 9

I completely understand!!!! Been there!!! But no matter what we say or do it's their decision. If she loves him and wants to go ahead witht he marriage then she needs your support. Just lay it out and tell her that u don't care for him and his tactics but u want her to be happy and putting u're feelings aside to be her maid of honor. It's hard and u'll prob have to bite ur tongue a lot but r u really sure u want to stand in the way of what may make her truly happy?