He Beats me.....what do I do?

Question

Ok so I have a husband who beats me. Yes i know, I'm ridiculous for staying with him but we have a little girl and I'm so scared about what could happen. I don't want to take her away from the only father she's ever known. And sometimes things are good and everyone is happy but then when my husband gets drunk he gets really angry and we fight and he usually hits me. It's really embarrasing but what do I do?? I need help....how can I leave ?

Answer 1

call the law and tell them what is going on so they can be there while you get your things and file for an order of protestion. my mom did this with my dad. he was hitting her and ended up beating me in the end. i spent 4 weeks in the hospital recovering from stitches and a concusion. (sorry for spelling). plz think of your child. the law can help and give you contact numbers for many useful resources you may need to be on your nown. you can do it. plz protect your child before something bad happens. my dad could have killed me and finnally my mom took action after i was hospitalized. we never thought he would ever hit me, but alcohol was involved and it changed him. plz get out of there for your childs sake. i beg you.. think of your little angel.

Answer 2

You are using your daughter as an excuse to stay but she should be the biggest reason you leave!  You are teaching her that men are supposed to beat women.  She will grow up and choose a man just like her dad, one that is going to hit her, abuse her, and hurt her.  Even worse, in giving her a "dad" you are taking away the most important person in her life, her mom.  What if he kills you?  Where would that leave your daughter?  I've been in your shoes.  It's not easy and there is no easy answer, but PLEASE LEAVE BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!!

Answer 3

get away NOW! by staying with him you remain keeping yourself AND your daughter in danger! soon he'll start hitting your little girl too. just because he's the father does NOT mean he's a good one! your daughter will grow up better with a caring mom and no dad than with an abusive alchoholic one. when you DO leave, go while he's out, and you may want to get the police involved so that they can help you get your stuff...

http://www.womenagainstabuse.org/

1-800-799-7233 [that's the # for the domestic abuse hotline]

888-743-5754 [another domestic abuse hotline]

Answer 4

There is no easy way to handle that situation. You usually cannot tell an angry drunk (even when they are sober) that they are hurting you... because they know they are.

-You need to notify your family members and friends what you are doing so they are aware of your safety and whereabouts just in case anything happens.

-You do NEED to call the police if the hitting happens again. One day, it will be too bad and it could put your daughter. This is serious!

-You know your situation better than anyone here. Remember, safety first! You can't ignore it. Reality of it is it WILL GET WORSE! People dont learn that lesson until it is too late.

-There are a lot great ideas on here from other people. None of them are "stay with him".

There is a lot of information below in that link. It is a domestic violence survival kit. Call a hotline and get info.

Whatever you do, dont let him know before hand you are doing this. Erase your internet history and make phone calls from phones other than ones he can see your calls. Abuse is a form of control and power. He will find out if you arent careful.

Good luck, God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers! For you and your child's sake!

Answer 5

I know you already know this and may not want to hear it, but you mist leave at once. Did you know you think you are doing good to your daughter by remaining there, but you are actually harming her. She is going to have a jacked perspective of what a relationship is. It is a proven fact that girls will seek out men like the ones they had and in some cases even see their abusers as fatherly figures. You need to leave him. I dont believe people change but if he loves you he will find you if not let him be he has issues. Worry about your daughter, forget him.  

Answer 6

time to have talk.  not a talk with your soon to be an ex-husband but with your daughter.  yes, it will hurt your daughter but talking to her is VERY important. and you are doing this for the benefit of your daughter so that she will learn that when she grows up, its not okay for ANYONE to be hitting her.  you need to show her that you need to stand up for yourself so she can learn to be a strong individual.  teach her.  also, ask her if she would like to see her mommy getting hit and hurt.  your daughter would say no of course.  then ask her if she would like to be with her mommy who could be a bit happier.  listen, you have abusive husband and you DO NOT deserve that.  no one in this world deserve that.  i know a few stories of women leaving their abusive men for a long time.  nd then the men learned the hard way to change their ways.  as a man personally... i would never hit on someone that i really love. its just not in me.  so i would just file for a divorce after you have a talk with your daughter.  good luck and stay strong!

Answer 7

Dont ever be embarrased. You poor woman you do not deserve this. I really think you should leave him otherwise when your daughter grows up,she will witness this and she will become confused about what is morally right and wrong. So please get help from family or even people on helplines. Have the courage to leave him and you'll make the best decision you've ever made. Believe me,if she asks why you lef him when she's older and you tell her what he was like she will be happy that you made the right choice for you and for her. Good luck. I suggest when he goes out you make sure you have a place to go to and just leave. Make sure he can't contact you again. xx  

Answer 8

I commend you for realizing that you are in a bad situation and need to get out of it.

You need to plan it out so that you have somewhere to go and money to use. A few days before you plan to leave, pull out some money from the bank. Preferably cash because credit cards can be traced. While your husband is at work or out with friends, take your daughter and go. Make sure to pack plenty of clothes and other things that you will need (toys, etc). Also it is a good idea to go somewhere where you will have support because he will come groveling. He will promise you the world to bring you back home where he will be fine for a few days and then revert back to hitting you.

Just remember when the times are rough that you left for your safety and the safety of your daughter.

Good luck

Answer 9

its better if you leave him. who knows wat he'll do to ur daughter once she's older. and the longer ur staying with him, the more ur ruining the daughter's life. she might not no, but one of these days she'll come in and see him beating u:

1. she'll get violent and might do something bad to her own "dad" like beat him with a bat

2. tell the cops so the cops will take him to jail.

wat im tryna say is leave. when he's a asleep take ur daughter and write a note saying that ur leaving. when morning arrives

1st. change ur license plate number

2nd. change back to ur maiden name

3rd. (if its possible) change ur SS#

4th. if you have a cell phone, change that number too

5th. maybe change ur daughters first name just in case

Answer 10

I was a battered military wife for years, almost killed 3 times, several of my other friends of battered men are dead.I got out, thank God, get out before it is too late and your child won't have either parents.

It won't be easy, but I am a living testimony that you can get out alive and well. which I do still have loss hearing in my right ear. but my kids are so much happier, He got on drugs and is in penitentiary as we speak. was still abusing his girlfriend.

I don't condone violence with violence, Get out now! Please!

Answer 11

Get out now go to a womens shelter if you have 2.

Call the police he wont get custy of her

TRUE STORY

A lil girl 5 year old got shot in the back by her MOMS boyfriend, the lil girl jumped infront of her mom as the Boyfriend was about to shot the mom.  She just want to protect her mom.

Stats say that if a Girl is brought up around abuse she will be abused too when she get older.

Point is it is not healthy and NO ONE CAN HELP U,

ONLY YOU  CAN HELP YOURSELF

LEAVE BEFORE IT IS TO LATE (DEATH)

Answer 12

My step dads father he used to beat his wife every day and my step dads been there to witness this. He hated his childhood because of this you dont want you daughter growing up in a false family i know i wouldn't im only 14 but i understand you just want what's best for your baby girl. but its not right to live your life being scared and when your older when she thinks the world of her dad you wont like it because you know what hes really like.

trust me you should leave him pack up and go maybe leave him a not instead of telling him to his face if hes violent.x

Answer 13

i so hope your not joking because that's domestic violence and it is not a joke. but i would leave him because even if your daughter was to stay with him she would grow up in a troubled environment because her father is abusive and that can really affect her future..yours also. one thing that is common with a lot of people is that they cant move on from something because they're always waiting for that good thing to happen again...even if  they have to go through some type of suffering to get it.

i would suggest you leave immediately before something that could have been avoided happens.  

Answer 14

First he has a drinking problem, he needs to address that. Also he is beating you, your daughter will be next, or worse. Notify law enforcement of your situation,get into some type of family counseling, and get your husband treatment for his alcohol addiction.  Let him know in no uncertain terms that things have to change or he is going to lose both you and his daughter. Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 15

Go to someone in secret, like a lawyer or something. Just say your going to the mall (and you didn't find anything you liked to buy). Keep a log of every time he hits you, where, when, and how bad it is. Some people do this and it helps them enormously for financial and court reasons.

As for your daughter, the worst thing for her now is to see you get hit. Children who see that in their house hold and grow up around it start to think this is normal and marry someone who beats them, too.  

Answer 16

Get out of the house as soon as possible. The same thing happened with my mum and dad, I'm glad my mum left him because he was really horrible to us. Your daughter will thank you when she grows up and understands what was going on if anything she will be proud of you for plucking up the courage and walking out on him. You should all be happy all the time there is no need for anyone to get hurt. When he goes to work just run away, get as far away as possible.

Answer 17

Is he an alcoholic?  He needs professional help.  The best thing you can do is to take your daughter and leave.  Let him know that you cannot live like this anymore.  You don't want your little girl growing up this way, thinking abuse is acceptable.

If you really love him and care about him, tell him to get help.  If he sobers up and stops abusing you go back and try to work it out.

Answer 18

Get the h**l out you cannot change him, what about when your daughter gets old enough for him to knock her around, believe me he will. I know you love him and don't want to hurt him for fear of what it will do to him or what he could do to you but believe me no father is better than a father that beats yopur mother, she will grow up and land herself in the same situation with an abusive man which is all she will ever know from growing up with an abusive father. Think about the emotional damage she suffers when she sees him hit you and how confused she must be. You need to make your husband choose you and your daughter over the alcohol and untill he is ready to  that decision WITH THE HELP OF REHAB OR AA because NOBODY can truly do it alone you and your daughter are not safe there. This is not what you want to hear but it is what you NEED to hear. Put your daughters emotional and physical well being before all else and you will not have anything to regret.

Answer 19

Ok, you know you're ridiculous, so I will talk about your daughter.

You are showing her how a man should treat her.  As her mom, you are her role model.  If you stay, someone, some day will hit her and she will think it is ok, because you taught it to her. No matter what you say to her, she will mimic what you do!  You need to leave FOR her and for yourself.

I was lucky enough to leave my abusive husband before we had kids.  I will pray for you.  Good Luck!

Answer 20

you need to leave late at night. i know, you dont want your daughter to be away from the only dad shes known, but its for the best of you two. hes obviously not safe to be around, and your daughter could get hurt. please just leave him. hes just another idiot making stupid mistakes in his life. and when he notices your gone he'll regret it a lot. i mean, its rediculous to stay around. and have the torchore keep going.

Answer 21

As easy as it is to say leave the man like you say it isn't that easy due to the child. If he is beating you and it is unbearable you need to make goals or steps to get out of the stition that you are in. Drinking is a real problem and seeing that he should be taking the lead in house and isn't seek help that will get you out. Stay with family or close trusted friends that do things he does and try and keep your kid informed to a certaian extent. Don't do whats best for you but for your child's well being. Don't try and date other men!! That would be wrong seeing as you are married and it gives you respect and keeps you from fault in his eyes.  

Answer 22

He,s what they call a mean drunk. That means when gets to drinking he gets mean, and he will take it out on you when there is no other outlet. These men are totally unpredictable. He needs to be confronted with his problem. He needs to be told that he either get help for his problem or your gone. That you are no longer going to be his punching bag. Period.

Answer 23

Your so brave to speak up rather than suffering in silence :)

You need to get out of the relationship - its fair enough to want your child to grow up with both parents, but do you really want your child watching u getting beaten up when its older?? The child can still also see its dad with visitation rights etc.

Try the websites below for more information and how to get help. The second website also shows you how to remove your history so the websites cant be traced. Also, your doctor would be able to give you advice.

I really hope you get out of the relationship soon. Good Luck

Answer 24

You could get custody of your daughter and only allow him to see your daughter on your terms and start a new life, you and your daughter! But it won't be easy, raising a child on your own. Financially, mentally, physically, just one big struggle.

OR

You could try talking to him, when he's in a good mood. Explain how you feel about when he drinks, be gentle but get the message across. Ask him if he would consider going to a group for alcholics, for yours and your daugters sake. If he doesn't see how serious you are, use your daughter and play on his emotional strings! That may sound terrible, using your daughter, but he's using you as a punch bag! Your daughter is going to grow up thinking it's right?!

What ever you decide to do, I wish you all the best! Good luck =D

Answer 25

Get your things and your daughter and leave.

IF you can't, call for help. Even if he says he'll never beat you again, leave. A man who can hit you once can hit again.

Even if a father is important in your kid's life, she'll be scarred for life. Try hearing or watching your father beat your mother. And he might turn on her one day, and the abuse will only grow worse.

Be careful. Don't confront him, it's obvious you've tried and failed. If reasoning with him won't work, leave.  

Answer 26

There are many thing you can do , there are places to answer all you question best place to get answers call the haven support line these are pro's in this issue and will help remember this is not right for him to do , no woman on this earth should go threw this , take yourself in hard and get help  a.s.a.p. don't let this go on it will only get worst ,, and remember don't be ashamed you didnt do nothing wrong stay strong you need to for you little girl ..

Best of luck

Some Guy...

Answer 27

You need to get away. NOW. I am serious. Do you want your little girl to grow up and see you get beat or it could be her next. Dont put you or her in that sort of danger. You want her to know her abusive father. Why? What good is he gonna do her in years to come? Beat her? Rape and beat her? Are you kidding you are putting her in more danger by being around him than not. Trust me when she grows up and asks you where her dad is tell her and she will have more respect for doing what you did! And when alcohal is involved one of these times it will get worse. Just leave while he is at work. Do it. You can not stay there. Tell social services. Or the police. Do something. Dont let that little girl become a victom. Or see or hear what goes on. Trust me that will have a long term effect on her. My parents were the same way theyd fight and hit each other while drinking. I am now 21 and am soo glad that that ended! Use your head and think of your daughter and your safety. Alcohal is a bad thing!

Answer 28

If it were me I would have already left him.  However, there are family counselling services available for just this thing.  City and County social services in your state are the place to start.  The next time your husband gets drunk call the police, don't wait for him to hit you the cops will sort it out quickly.

Answer 29

This behaviour of his will NEVER change. Trust me on this.

It is highly commendable that for the sake of your daughter you are going through this nonsense. But it has to stop, here and now.

If not you are going to the police. File for divorce. You are moving out. This is a bad dream - I am sure you will find someone more caring and gentle. You do not have to be in this abusive relationship.

Where is your self esteem? Your self respect? That, if you have it, tells you that you won't put up with it. Tell him that and move out.

He is controlling you. Don't let that happen. NEVER ever.

Answer 30

You definately do needc help if you are staying with a guy who beats you. I know it is not easy to leave but you have to. The trouble is your perspective of life. You think this is ok but it is not. You have to envisage a better life and then go out there and get it even if it means sleeping on the streets...at least you wont be undeer someones thumb. You ar efrightened but believe me there is nothing to be frightened of . In the words of one president....apart from fear itself.

I dont want to sound contrite but good luck and please do it...LEAVE HIM.

Answer 31

I have your answer in this video, watch it, it might make you stronger!!! How can you stay away from him if  you live with him, that doesn't make any sense. Most of the time these things never stop, never!! If you don't do something now, you and your daughter will live a life of h**l. And you don't have to!!!. Take your stand but you'll have to come to your breaking point first. Just threatening and then giving in only shows him, he has alll the power over you.. So mean it when you finally say it! Have a plan on where you will move, somewhere where you have people who will stand by you... You and all of your future babies should have a calmer, more stable, less scared life. You children will grow up thinking that is the correct way to live if thats the way you raise them....  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_VkewPDA...