He Says He Loves Me But Isnt "In Love" Anymore?

Question

I have this boyfriend who i have been with for almost 6 years now and during that time we have been very happy but do have our fights and have broken up about 5 times altogether

Now he's telling me we need to break up again for good becasue he thinks he's not "in love" with me becasue he doesnt want kids yet or to get married and I DO! More than anything

What can i do? IS this Normal for him to feel like this after 6 years together......shouls he want marriage already too??

Answer 1

My bet is he has spotted a new hottie and wants to try a spin with her.  He has been using you for a "good enough for now".   The 5 break up should have clued you in.  Don't be surprise if he ups and marries the next lady and she doesn't have a bun in the oven in the next year.  This is the way men are.  You can't change them.  Be brave and walk away and never look back.  It is his loss.

Answer 2

Most guys don't want kids, period.  Trapping him or nagging him won't make things better.

Answer 3

If it is an inevitable break up (which it sounds like it is) then do it NOW before you wind up pregnant and kids are involved!!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

re: What can i do?

........go find someone who REALLY wants you in MARRIAGE!

IS this Normal for him to feel like this after 6 years together......shouls he want marriage already too??

.........he's just had a nice, 6 year ride with all the perks and now he's ready to trade you in for something newer.  

Why should he feel like you do about anything?  He's not commited to you and probably wants very different things than you do........

find someone who wants what you want and learn how to have a happy, permanent relationship with that person.

Answer 5

Well he is saying he wants no long term commitment and now that you want children when he does not your relationship is over.Yes this happens alot with long term commitments,You can save yourself a lot of anguish and try to move on.You have wasted enough time with him.I know it sounds callous but maybe its for the best.And when you are over the pain of it you will see that it indeed was.You have much insight now what you want,what you need,what is right for you and its out there,it just takes time and adjustment to find it.And yes people do fall"out of love" there is a difference.

Answer 6

move on with your life and be happy he told you now cut your losses and move on to someone else who is worth your time and love because all you have with him is lost years you can't get back

Answer 7

There is nothing you can do. You can't make someone want to spend the rest of their lives with you. If the two of you have broken up over 5 times, then you have to stop and ask yourself is this really the type of relationships/marriage that you want? Do you really want to have kids with a man that changes his mind about the way he feels towards you with the direction of the wind (he loves me, he loves me not?). You can't have a family with some one who's unstable in his love for you.

I have a friend who's been "on and off" with this guy for the same amount of time as yourself. She's completely cut herself off from everyone because she's so confused in her undying love for a man that doesn't love her enough to say "I do". She's so Nucken Futs behind this guy that she's cursing people out, and going crazy on the people close to her all because this guy is not worried about settling down. But like yourself, she has failed to understand sometimes the things you want in life aren't necessarily what you need. At times the people we plan to spend the rest of our lives with, is not who we're meant to be with. She's dying for the day that she's carried over the threshold by him, but he could care less about any of that stuff. Do you want to be like that?

My grandmother always told me that if a man doesn't marry you after 3 yrs, then he more than likely never will. You never wait on a man to decide if you're worthy of his hand in marriage. I can see being together for 1 to 2 1/2 before making it official, but 6! Come on. He won't marry you because he really wants to move on and doesn't want to be with you. I know it hurts to hear that, but my advice would be to just simply let him be.  It's his loss, because there will be a man that will come along and make his wrongs right.

In my own humble opinion, I would advise that you move on and find someone who will deem you worthy of starting a family with.  

edit: h**l NO! you shouldn't be friends with him. Being friends with him only keeps you hanging on by a string with the hopes that the two of you will be together some day. This way he can still play the field and keep you on the sideline.  Making you his first and second string in times of need. Please, do not allow this young man to drag you down with his selfishness any longer. Please have the courage to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough. And find someone who’s going to make you number one (being in love with you and not just loves you).  Being friends with a man who is not in love with you, but you’re in love with him will only make things harder on yourself.

Answer 8

If he is telling you that he is not in love with you anymore then he is telling you the truth. Be glad he was man enough to say it. While most men are quite frank some will still marry you and give you the kids you wanted all the while he keeps his eyes open for the woman he really wants. Then you are left bewildered thinking, "what went wrong with my "happy" marriage"? Move on. You deserve to be with a man that wants to shout it on the mountian tops that he is in love with you. And he deserves to be with the woman of his dreams.

Great Luck!!!

Answer 9

RUN GIRL, RUN.  This guy will never marry, till he wakes up at 50 and realizes he is alone in the world. Leave his sorry A-- alone and relieve yourself of the grief he has and will cause. Why give him so much power about your future. Don't you have quite a bit to offer a good man who wants you? Why give it to someone who does not. Yes, I agree with him. He needs to be alone...at least away from you for good. And don't fall for that, 'Lets be friends" line. That is just a way of waiting till you get Horney and giving you what you want and not blame himself for stinging you along more. Girl, dump him ENTIRELY. YOU DO YOU RIGHT NOW. WORK THAT HAIR, NAILS, CLOTHES AND ALL OF THAT UP-IN-THERE FOR ANOTHER MAN TO NOTICE AND GIVE YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE. A REAL MAN'S ATTENTION. Good luck with common sense.  

Answer 10

if you guys keep breaking up and going back together, then how do you think it will be when you two get married?

get into a fight and then divorce. and then all over again?

i'd forget about it.

if he says hes not in love anymore, then you can't force him to like you again.

why don't you just... have him do what he wants? and then while thats happening, go look for a guy who will date you and marry you and this guy will be the right one?

who knows? this guy your talking about may be the person you will wed,

let this work out on its own.

if it does, good!

if it doesn't, don't have your heart be his have it be some elses. =]

hope that helps!

Answer 11

Cut your looses and move on.  There is a big difference in loving someone and being in love with them.  I loved my ex husband for 11 years, but was never in love with him.  My heart just could not fall in love.  No matter what I did or how hard I tried, it just could not happen.  I found someone else who I fell in love with and am so very happily married to him.  Let him go and have a peaceful split.  You will be better for it.  Sorry, but when it comes to the heart, no matter how hard he tries, if that is what he says, then you can't change it.  Hanging on to him will only hurt the both of you more.

Answer 12

I know from experience you can't flog a dead horse, translated that means that you can't make him ready and if he loves you he wouldn't want to give you up. Six years is a long time so if not now when is the right time to have a family, i think the kids thing is a crock. As the saying goes if you love something set it free if it doesn't come back it wasn't meant to be. Good Luck!!!

Answer 13

your best bet is 2 let him go u got no future together anyway , u both want different things so the quicker u let go the quicker u can move on theres no point wasting another 6 years . u might even find once u let him go he might realise wot hes lost and want u back . but then if he doesnt hes not worth worrying about  

Answer 14

I would believe him.  Men are generally straight forward.  If he wasn't sure, he would be more wish washy so there would be a future possibility of s*x.  But the way he put it, move on honey and give your goods to a deserving man.