He Wont Propose... What Should I Do?

Question

I'm 23 years old and have been with my 24 year old boyfriend for 5 years now. We have lived together for 3 years and 2 of those years have been in our own place. I really want to be engaged. However my boyfriend don't seem to enthused. We talk about it alot and he even took me to a jewelry store (because I dont wear jewelry) to get some ideas and get sized. That was a year ago! But the business card and my size is still sitting on the fridge. Some days he acts like he's all for it talking about honeymoons, and children, but then somedays he makes comments like your pretty much already my wife and refers to me as his old lady! Which I am, I do laundry, cook, clean, and all the other stuff.Sometimes it seems like he's having his cake and eating it to. I don't really plan to be married for another 2 years but to me that seems like a perfect engagement period. He has a really time consuming job 24 hour shifts, and it leaves me home alone ALOT, I'm talking birthdays, holidays, the works.... So sometimes I feel like if he never really plans to be married then spending Christmas alone and with friends, isnt really worth it. I mean I want a family of my own to spend it with someday ya know?? I'm confused and don't know if it is time to give up... What do you think?

Answer 1

its time to move on sweetie, i am sorry but he said it himself - you are pretty much his wife already and yet look how he treats you!  if its like this now, imagine what he'll be like once that wedding band is on your finger.  

no tears, no threats, no arguing, just calmly pack it in and wish him the best!  and if he offers you a ring at that point i would turn it down - after all do you really want to live with someone who only 'gives in' when he is cornered - thats not love - thats a lazy inconsiderate man.

good luck to you!

Answer 2

This is the risk you take when you live with someone. He HAS what he wants.

Answer 3

What's the possibility that he would propose if he could surprise you?

But he can't surprise you because there is constant talk about being engaged?

Or he's fine with the way things are?  If that is the case, what does that mean to you?  

What happens if you do marry him....are you going to be happy spending birthday's & holiday's by yourself?  If you have kids, are you prepared to be both mother & father?  You have no reason to expect him to be home for birthdays & holidays. Your been with him for 5 years,  you should not expect things to be any different after you marry.  

I'd say there is a possibility that someone is leading someone on.  But I;m not sure if it is you or him.  You may want to do some serious thinking about what you would say if he did propose.  

Answer 4

In all reality, that's your choice. All anyone else can do is give you advice.

My advice is, talk to him about it. But also you should not look into leaving him for this reason. You may want to get married, and he may not be ready. You both need to accept your views on this, not only your's matters. A lot of times relationships will go down the drain because no one ever tries to sit down and talk.

Answer 5

I think you should give up.  He's already said that he feels like you're already his wife since you two live together and you do everything for him.  Why would he want to get married?  You should have thought of this before moving in with him.  That's a mistake that too many women make.  I would move out if I were you.  You can continue dating if you really want, but I would no longer cook or clean for him.

Answer 6

i dont agree with being engaged until you are actually ready to be married. whats the point in sitting around waiting for 2 years?

maybe hes like me, - maybe he will propose closer to when hes actually ready to be married

Answer 7

he's just not that into you

Answer 8

Well, he's totally comfortable shacking up with you and playing house. I wouldn't stay with someone who didn't want the same thing as me. If you have changed your mind now, and marriage is what you truly want, it's time to leave. You can keep dating him, but live on your own.

Answer 9

The best thing for you to do is just tell him every word in the dictionary about how you feel. let him know you feel that he is not interested. And tell him, he needs to tell you if he is or isnt, and if he isnt, i know it would be really hard, but at leaste you would know not to waiste your time. Ya know? But i think he is keeping you around for a good reason.Maybe he is just testing you to see how long you would stay by his side. So basically theirs to sides here. Just talk to him, pick a side ..... and go.

Good luck.

Answer 10

The only thing you can do is openly and honestly talk to him about how you feel.  Listen to what he has to say.  24/25 is still fairly young to get married.  If you really are unhappy, then you need to get a place of your own and quit playing house.  That may spark some action on his part if he is serious about marrying you.

Answer 11

It's amazing how much people talk about it!  I thought it was something that he's just supposed to surprise you with...I'm awfully sad that it's not.  Although it makes me feel good to know that I'm the type of girl guys want to marry, knowing about it just takes away all the romance.  

Anyway, is there anything preventing him from doing it, that maybe you should wait for?  My own boyfriend said that he would propose to me if he had more money and a clearer future.  I'm sort of unsure if I should stay for a slightly related reason--he says that he absolutely will not live paycheck to paycheck, and if I'm going to be married to him, I have to make at least a certain amount of money.  I'm 19, and honestly, I doubt I'll be able to meet that requirement if I'm trying to make a career in opera.  Worse yet, I won't know if I'm going to make it until I'm at least 30!  I can't wait that long!  Sure, I won't have the money.  But I'll need the emotional support badly.  Plus, it would make for a much better stage name if I got married.  

Answer 12

He hasn't had to consider his life without you.  My fiance and I went through something very similar and finally got through it, but not until after I was about to leave.  It wasn't that he didn't love me and it wasn't that he didn't want to be committed to me, because he already was.  It wasn't that he didn't want to start a family with me because he wanted children even more than I did.  But when I'd lean on him about getting engaged (which I only did every several months), he'd get defensive and feel tremendous pressure.  He finally came around only after I was really ready to leave.

So now, finally, after a long 11 1/2 years (we started dating when I was 20), we'll be married in 9 weeks.  But it wasn't easy getting here.

I don't advocate playing games, but I can't help but wonder if I'd have survived these last several years better if I'd pretended to leave him long before I felt I had no other choice.

Answer 13

In addition to discussing why he's not interested in marriage, I would recommend bringing up some of the most important legal and practical reasons for getting married.

-If one of you is in the hospital and only family is permitted to visit you're going to have to lie to get in.

-You can't use each others insurance benefits

-You would have to draft power of attorney agreements for either one of you to have a say in the medical care if one of you were in a coma. Or if one of you dies, the funeral, etc. will be up to your family members because you have no legal right to one another.

-You'll miss out on marriage tax breaks and incentives

-If you have a baby and you're not married, what last name is the baby going to take?

There are plenty of other practical concerns as to why a complete marriage is much better than a common law marriage and he may not have stopped to think about it in those terms. If questions like these don't get him thinking than maybe you should start treating him like a roommate (i.e. he's responsible for his own food, cleaning and laundry) because if you're never going to be his wife you shouldn't have to act like one.

Answer 14

Have a serious discussion with him.  Tell him marriage and a family is really important to you and you need to know honestly if he wants those things with you too.  I think you're right that he's comfortable with the current situation.

My bf and I are both 23 and have been together 3 and a half years, we've both recently finished college. I'm anxious to get married too but he wants to be more financially secure first, etc. I hope I'm not in your place in another couple years...

Good luck.

Answer 15

This man is not committed to you and never will be.  You provide him with s*x, meals, clean his house and do his laundry.  He's got a free maid.  Hon, after five years, it's time to cut the cord and walk.  You deserve to have a man who loves you, respects you and is fully committed and devoted to you.  You deserve better.  Especially after talking with him, he's still not doing anything but calling you his old lady?  You deserve so much better.  It's hard, but you will be so glad you left him, and will find someone so much better for you.  I've been in a similar situation.  I'll never regret leaving my ex bf.  I later met my now husband...  married 18 years now.  We got married two years after we met.  Engaged for 10 months.  (BTW, engagements are always one year or less.)  

So, get the courage, and move on with your life and lose the loser who takes you for granted.  You deserve so much better.  And you will never regret it.  

Answer 16

Well you see...you have already given away the store...and he's got it every way he wants.  Five years of your life?  You are going to have to decide what you want.  A committed relationship with someone who wants to be with you forever, and be the father of your children....or this play around thing you have going now.  You see it...but you don't want to admit it.

Try listening to Dr. Laura on the radio..she would tell you fast.  Get rid of this guy...or give him and either or choice.  If he really cares about you....that you want a new relationship.....the engagement period is long over...and frankly, I don't think he's worth it...you are more valuable than that!

You are being his maid for heaven's sake!  Wake up and smell the coffee!

Answer 17

You've been together long enough for him to know whether he wants to get married to you or not. You guys are living together and he seems to already have everything he wants. If he wanted to marry you he'd ask. My advice- move on.

Answer 18

Marriage is overrated, dont sweat it.

Answer 19

you're still very young. give him time

Answer 20

Move on, hun. You deserve better and you deserve to be treated much better. You are not his maid, and believe me if he is already treating like you this, just imagine if you were to marry him! Trust me, there are better guys out here.