He cheated; what do i do now?

Question

So let me bring it back a little. In june me and my fiance [we have been together for 2 years] got into an argument. he told me to leave before he got home from work. so i did. i went to a friends house and cried. throughout the night he was texting and calling me telling me he wanted me to come home and that he wanted me sleeping next to him and all that. well i don't have a car and i couldn't get back to our house at 3am so i came back the next moning. he was really sick with a fever and coughing and stuff and so i took care of him we talked and the fight ws over. the thought of him cheating on me never crossed my mind. well i am a volunteer at a camp in august and so i left for a week. i called amd texted him daily. so on thursday i was really busy so i had been ignoring my phone but when i wen to check it i had like 5 texts a couple missed call and a voicemail. they all said the same type of thing that he really needed to get something off of his chest and that he had to tell me if we were going to get married that he had to clear the air and be honest with me. he told me he was really mad and hurt that i actually left the house so he went to his friends house and got high and was on his way to leave and a girl who lived down the street waved him over to her house to talk for a minute well she ended up walking him to his truck and sitting in the passenger seat and telling him how much she likes him. well one thing lead to another and they end up having s*x in the back seat of his truck. and now she comes to his work all the time and texts him all the time wondering why he won't talk to her [even though she knows he is engaged!] and is saying she is pregnant. she says she went to cedar poingt last month and that a big blob of blood came out so she thought she miscarried but now she says she is having morning sickness. i think it is all a lie because i believe him that he used protection. i told him that if she is really pregnant i will leave him. but for now i want to work it out and give him one last chance. he says he regrets it and that if he could take it back he would. i just don't know how you can have s*x with someone else while you are engaged to someone you claim you are in love with and want to spend the rest of your life with them. do i stay giving him a chance or do i just let it go? its been a couple days now and the arguing just continues. i can't just keep my feelings in. and it's not just one feeling it is a comcbination of feelings and i can't just hide it. what would you do if you were in my positon? and advice or thoughts would be very helpful. thanks.

Answer 1

Once a cheater, always a cheater.  Run, don't walk, away from this guy- it will be sad now, but you'll thank yourself later.

Answer 2

I would not be looking for such an important answer on line (sorry yahoo). Seek some professional help as well as family support, if you have it.  

Answer 3

You can forgive... but you won't forget...  You will be able to give him another chance and go on and get married... but are you seriously gonna get over it without any thoughts of him being with another woman and deal with it everyday of your life with him?  Ask yourself that, only you will know the answer to your dilemma... I hope you find the right answer... Good luck!

Answer 4

I never understood why a girl would stick around once her guy cheated on her. It doesn't make sense. You deserve better and he deserves to be alone with his stalker and possible child. He lies and is extremely immature to use an excuse like that. There is never an excuse for cheating EVER! Leave him. You deserve better. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy like that and a guy who is as mature as a 14 year old boy, who has lied to you and still gets high? When will he grow up. Open your eyes girl. Or else you will be living a life of drama and hurt for a very long time.

Answer 5

He couldn't have used protection or how else would there be a question of her being pregnant?  I'm not sure I would forgive him, and I'm the really tolerant one!

Answer 6

You need to get out of this situation now...I went through all this and tried the second chances, blah, blah, blah...guess what, he did it again! Not only did he cheat on me alot, but we argued alot because I would just dwell on it. I left him and later down the road he got married to one of the girls he was cheating on me with...guess what, he cheated on her and is now divorced.  Nomatter what you do, you will never be able to trust this guy again. It will always be in the back of your head. It is really hard to get over someone cheating on you, but you deserve way better then that. you will pat yourself on the back for walking away! I am a strong believer in everything happens for a reason and I think that if you leave him, you will find someone who will make you happy and treat you right. I did...now I am married to a wonderful guy with two kids.

The truth is, is that we are all human. We all find "other" people attractive, but you just have to get a grip of yourself and say "is it worth it?" and majority of the times it is not. Some people don't think about it. All they care about are themselves. Hang in there, and you make the right decision. Don't let his sweet talk get the best of you, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

Answer 7

You believe him when he says he used protection?  He lies about everything else, why not that.  And he cheated because you left the house to cool down?  Bad excuse.  What's he going to do when things get really tough in your relationship.  Get out now.  If you don't you deserve everything he does to you.  

Answer 8

Like they say, Once a cheater, Always a cheater.  Do you actually think that he used protection obviously you cant trust him so what makes you think that he will be honest with you.  If i were you as hard as it is let him go and take it from there maybe he will do a 360 who knows (i doubt it) but sh*t happens.

Answer 9

OK, the dude was angry, upset and high on something - and you can't understand how he could have made a bad decision? Drugs and strong emotions have a huge influence on our judgment. His momentary lapse of judgment is in no way a reflection of how he feels about you. Yes, you can be very much in love with someone and still be human and make mistakes. Love doesn't make us infallible. What he did was stupid, no doubt - but I wouldn't instantly draw a conclusion that just because he did something stupid once it means he doesn't love you as much as you thought he did. He doesn't love the girl and doesn't want to be with her - he wants to be with you.

That said, look at the bigger picture. Why did all this stuff happen to begin with? Is this how you guys generally handle your disagreements - by him telling you to get out of the house, you leaving, him getting high? Even if you take a one-off sexual encounter out the equation, it hardly seems like a functional and sustainable way to deal with conflict. This is not the last disagreement you had - if you're getting ready to spend your life together, you have to prepare for other disagreements to come, and devise a better way to deal with them.

As far as the pregnancy goes, I guess you will find out soon enough. If she's indeed lying, then you've got nothing to worry about; if she IS pregnant, he needs to demand paternity test. But don't make any rash decisions until you know for sure; if you decide to stay with him, this is something you will have to deal with together. Good luck.

Answer 10

Run.  Run fast!!!

He had s*x with her in his truck and you think he used protection?  I HIGHLY doubt he did.  His irresponsibility could have horrific consequences for your health, like STD's, AIDS, etc.  The cheating issue is bad enough because he has betrayed you, but he is also putting your health in jeopardy with his cheating.

You deserve someone who loves you and wants to remain faithful.

Answer 11

So he tells you to leave and then he is mad that you did?  WTF?  And I am sorry but his excuse for cheating seems pretty lame.  Also he just happens to carry condoms in his truck?  How convenient?  Sorry but I think he is still lying to you.  If you take him back I am pretty sure he will continue to lie to you until death do you part or you finally dump him.

Good luck.  Sounds like an awful situation to be in.  

Answer 12

For me, if my fiance randomly had one fling like that (especially if he was getting marriage jitters), it wouldn't necessarily end everything.  It would take a lot of conversations and truly honest apologies on his part, but I might be able to move past it if I had an intense understanding of his personality and believed him.

However, it sounds like with very little provocation he made some very irresonsible decisions.  Even if he was drunk and high, he slept with her mostly out of vindictiveness.  What about when you're stressed with marriage plans?  With 3 kids, all screaming?  With making important life decisions together?

With your language and epxlanation, you sound relatively young.  Don't automatically leave him, but if he's invested in this, he'll agree to relationship counseling and a lot of long discussions with you about commitment levels.  And being together is fine, but it sounds like you need a few more years before you actually get married.

I don't think the pregnancy would have any bearing on my decision in itself.  However, if he didn't use protection I'd lose a lot of trust and respect.

Answer 13

Nope, dont do it.  That story made me MAD.  If he truly loved you...truly....than he would never cheat on you.

Answer 14

Leave him before he leaves you. He might even think he wants to stay with you and work things out, but he's not fooling anyone but himself, and you're kidding yourself if you think he's being completely truthful with you.