He doesnt act like the same person i fell in love with?

Question

me and my husband have been fighting alot lately and everytime we do he always says very hurtful things like he doesnt love me or doesnt wanna be married to me and wants me to move out or that he cheated(which i thought he did a while back and he says he didnt but i just cant seem to trust him anymore,i want to believe he didnt but i dont know if i can) later he always says he didnt mean what he said he was just mad.i dont know what to do anymore...how can u say such hurtful things to someone u love???i could never say i didnt love him no matter how mad i was. ive told him how much it hurts me but it doesnt stop. and its not just that..it seems like he doesnt find me attractive like he used to sexually and phsycally .he also says thats not true but he doesnt kiss me much anymore,he never just come up and hugs me for no reason or says he like the way i look like he used to. he never starts s*x anymore,its always me stating it and i have to try for like 20 mins or more b4 he agrees(he told me during a fight that he hasnt wanted to have s*x with me for months but always gives in after a while,then said later he didnt mean it)i mean sometimes i feel like i could walk up to him butt *** naked and he'd probably just say im blocking the tv! anytime i get upset bout any of these things(or anything else) he just doesnt act like he cares at all. i can leave or be in the other room crying and he just sits there(i dont see how he can not care,if he was upset i couldnt just sit there and ignor him)anyways my question is what can i do about any of this?ive talked to him but it hasnt changed. i cant seem to forget everything he's "said in anger" and i feel like crying all the time thinking bout it and i feel like he doesnt love me or want me like he used to.am i crazy? i just need some advise plz help

Answer 1

No Dawn you aren't crazy. Your husband sounds like a really immature and selfish piece of work.The emotional abuse ( and make no mistake, you are being abused ) he is inflicting on you is totally wrong. You don't say if you have children, a job or any other details but I'm going to suggest that you go for counseling. He probably won't go but you need to. You are being put through a lot of emotional trauma and you are already showing the symptoms. The fact that you are asking if YOU are crazy is not a good sign. Before long he could have you believing that all of this is somehow your fault. He is an emotional bully. I guarantee you that he wouldn't act this way towards a guy bigger than himself because he knows he'd get his *** kicked. That just proves he could control himself he just chooses not to because he can get away with it.

Go for counseling, get strong, and if he won't get help for his problem, leave his sorry ***. It would be better to be alone than to be with someone that treats you like that, and you'll never meet someone that will treat you with love and respect as long as you're married to him.

You deserve better.

Answer 2

Your husband has grown complacent with you. You need to stand up and be confident and ignore him. Since he knows that you will cater to him you need to show him that you can do without him. Make him chase you. Play hard to get and don't give in right away. Out right ignore him if you have to until you have his attention.

You may also want to look up a counselor who will give you some tips on enlightening your marriage. Stand up and take the drivers seat. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well honestly, it sounds like you've been a bit of a drama queen.  Getting upset and crying about every little thing can easily cause a man to stop caring about upsetting you.

I can tell that he has a lot of issues with the way you are acting towards him and reacting to him.  I don't know the details of everything that goes on in your life, but there are many things that a woman does that gets interpeted in a very bad way by a man.  Even though the woman had no intention of it appearing the way it did.

Only thing i can suggest to you, is to stop getting upset at all the little things.  Sit down and talk with him, do your best to not try to sound accusational and don't get defensive.  You both need to learn the meaning of compromise if your going to make it work.

As far as the s*x thing, i can tell you that it probably does not have anything to do with the way you look.  Quite honestly, most women have no real clue how to turn a man on, they seem to think that all it takes is stripping off their clothes and walking around naked.  That only works for the first year if your lucky.   Your quite right in thinking that he would tell you that your blocking the t.v. most men don't want it thrown right in their faces, they want to work for it so to speak, they want the woman to act like she doesn't really want it.

Answer 4

If you have any video tape of you and your husband's happy moment then put it on when he enters the particular room.You should be prepared with a candle light dinner in the next room.After all this go and hug him and tell that you love him so much and kiss him,etc

Answer 5

Some event or thought would have triggered his "impulsive statements" - try and dig it little deeper what is ticking him... or

he is worried about something/problem which he not able to solve.. and that is killing him & your relationship...

all the best

Answer 6

You sound as though you are describing my late husband.

There is not a thing you can do - Believe me I tried.

These men, sadly are EMOTIONALLY RETARDED - there is nothing can be done for them. My advice to you is to end this farce of a marriage - as farce it is... If you stay- it will eventually affect you mentally. I do wish you luck my dear, There is no other way  

Answer 7

He is not going to change and you cannot change him.  He has a temper and he doesn't know what he wants.  But you know what you want and you are not getting that with him.  I know that it seems so easy to sit here and give advice, but I would at least tell him you want to separate for a while and see how you both feel.  It will give you both time to let the air clear and decide.