He doesnt care like he should, or am i being a baby?

Question

my husband (of one year now) has been going out playing volleyball with his "buddies" every freaking night. sometimes he doesn't get home until 1am...it started really bothering me so we had a hard talk about it but he is doing it again. ive been sick for 3 days now and instead of staying home with me and taking care of me he still has the nerve to ask if he can go! this hurts my feelings, i feel like c**p, and he just doesn't understand why I'm upset. am i being a baby? i mean he can "hang with the guys" but its getting BAD! help...

Answer 1

get on your car and follow him, nobody goes to play "voleyball" every d**n night!! and if volleyball comes first between the game and you, this dosent look good.

Answer 2

Every night is being unreasonable.  He's married now.  You don't go out with your friends every night and leave your wife home alone when you're married.

I'm all for my husband spending time with his friends, and he's supportive of me spending time with mine, too.  One or two times a week is *more* than enough to go out and leave your spouse at home alone.  And his wanting to go out when you're sick and have made it clear that you'd like him to stay home with you...I'm sorry, but he sounds like an insensitive jerk.

You'd better put the kibosh on this now.  Tell him to either grow up and start acting like a husband, or you're going to go find someone who will.

Answer 3

Your not being a baby at all, and its part of growing up. Of course you don't want to tell someone not to hangout with their friends, or go clubbing etc....but there's a reason why most couples that make it don't allow those things to become a habit. When your new to being married whats most important is building a new life/ routine with the person you just married. You will find that the more focused you are on that the less appealing or important going out with the guys will be. He needs to realize that your the number one priority and that he needs to work on you guys being on solid ground especially when you need him most, not on trying to keep up with his buddies the way he use to. When your married you don't constantly try to keep up with the lifestyle you had before you were married you try to make a new one. It's the same as when people start dating in a commited relationship, you don't still act like your single right? Get it through his head that how insistent he is on spending time with the guys so often makes it come off to you like he doesn't want to put any effort on trying to be the husband he said he would be to you when you guys got married....his friends aren't running away, and haven't made a vow to be with him till he dies, or to pop out his babies, therefore why is he kissing their asses instead of yours. He needs to grow up...FAST. He's not a boy, does he really need that much male bonding time to be happy? Goodness

Answer 4

First of all, NO WAY IN H--- are you being a baby!!!!  So stop thinking that you are. He certainly needs to take a step backwards and look at what he's doing to you his wife. He needs to straighten out his priorities. And being out with the guys every night is ridiculous. He wants his cake and he wants to eat it to. He's getting carried away with " hanging out with the guys." But you already know that because your living it. It's frustrating when your husband, boyfriend, etc are pushing you off to the side when your supposed to be NUMBER 1......especially when your sick. It all makes you even more sick and frustrated and all the other feelings that go with it. I would sit back down with him and talk to him again. Be more stern then the last time with him and really enforce about how you feel and that it may really start to take a toll on your relationship your marriage. This is a serious manner and your husband needs to choose how he wants his marriage to be and who is more important.....YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT!!!!!!   I wish you luck. And I hope that everything works out.

Answer 5

I think he should be able to go out about 2 or 3 times a week at night without him getting yelled at for it, but I agree with you that he should be home with you when you are sick and are you guys fighting a lot, because if you are then he might just want to get away from it and go somewhere where he doesn't fight with anyone

Answer 6

insist on going with him... get the other guys wives and gfs to go too

tell him that if he gets to go every night, you do too...

eventually, he will come around, and settle on a couple nights....

Answer 7

go ahead and tell him off. he deserves it.

Answer 8

He should stay home when you are sick if you ask him too.  When you are well, ask if you can go to the games with him.  Maybe stop by the game with some gatorade and surprise him.

Answer 9

No, you're not being a baby.  Not if he's out every night and coming in at 1:00am in the morning.  

You said he still had the nerve to "ask" you if he could go even though you were sick.  I'd be hurt to. You didn't say yes did you?  Cause if you did then you're part of the problem.  You're not standing your ground.  If I were you and he said that to me I would have said, "Hey look.  You're wife is sick. What part of sick do you not understand?   What's the matter with you?  Remember our vows?  In sickness and in health?  I need some freaking TLC!   I don't want to be sitting around at home by myself every night and certainly not when I'm sick.  Now get with the program!"

Guys can be very insensitive that way.  If he's going out every night then you need to put your foot down.  That is ridiculous.

You both need to come up with a win/win situation. An arrangement that satisfies his passion for volleyball and hanging out with the guys but does not infringe on the time you want to spend with him.  Set a limit to the number of evenings he can go out and the length of time he stays out.  This sort of stuff happens after years of marriage- not after only one year.

When you talk with him focus on how it is affecting you.  That way you aren't prefacing everything with you, you, you which is like nagging.

Tell him how much you miss him when he's gone.  Tell him you're glad he has this interest but that your emotional tank needs filling and you need to spend time together.

You come first- his buddies and volleyball come second.

Answer 10

u sure hes playing volleyball

Answer 11

I think you (when you get better) should ask to go with him and watch them play. Guys at my church always get together to play basketball one night a week, and my husband always asks me to come watch. Or, designate a night or two a week that he can go, and the other nights are to be spent together. If he won't let you go or gets mad over this, something is fishy and you need to get to the bottom of it. Should your husband have friends and be able to hang out with them? Yes. Should that be the only thing he does every night? No. Ask him what is more important to him, and what he wants to do about it. Talk. Please!

Answer 12

I think it is a little of both. I mean when he is playing volleyball (when your not sick) do you ever go with him to cheer him on? If you ask to go with does he say yes or no?

It is really hard to say because there are alot of other questions that can be asked. If he is not letting you go with then you are not a baby at all. But if you don't want to go with and for him not to go I would say that, that isn't right either.

I think instead of having a "hard" talk which in my mind mean yelling. Sit and talk seriously but calmly.  

Answer 13

No you are not being unreasonable, he is.  He can't go play volleyball EVERY night when you have a wife at home full stop LET ALONE a wife who is poorly. And until 1am??? Hmmm ...

Why did you put "buddies" in inverted commas?? PS - i have to say, volleyball until 1am sounds like a cover story for something else.

Answer 14

H's being completely inconsiderate of your feelings and putting you 2nd to his friends. Do the best you can to feel better and then do the same thing to him, take off for the day and come home just as late, see how he likes a taste of his own medicine!!

Answer 15

No i don't think you are being a baby.  Sounds to me like he is the baby.  He needs to grow up, and accept the responsibility of being a husband, not acting like a teenager.  Sure its ok to hang with the guys once in a while, but he needs to get it in his head he is a married man not a single one.