He guys, i think i need your advice. Please be nice!!!!?

Question

hEY, I'M 19 AND i'm currently going to school full time and working full time. It seems like, i've never really had a close friend. ( Is there anybody like that?) I was going to have one but i guess i messed it up...He borrowed money from me and when i asked him for it he got really mad...he told me that he didn't think i was going to do that to him...i tried to bring back the friendship back but he won't forgive me. In highschool i had a group of friends. It was 5 of us. Now the These old friend still hang out together. Now they even go to the clubs. Is it ome thing tha'ts wrong with me? even in church...a lot of people like me, especially the girls but i never really got close to anyone. What can i do? There has to be something wrong with me...and even though i get these people to be my friends again...is there anyways i can start new? I mean meet new friends and try to get closer to them. I feel like a lot of people wanna be my friends but they probably think i'm a monster.

Answer 1

I know the feeling. Everytime a girl finds out that I have spiders and scorpions for pets they get freaked. Theres a phrase that goes, "Its better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not."

Answer 2

Hi,

I could be a friend, if you don't mind someone older. I have several younger friends, including one who goes to college and works also, over in the SE part of the country.

The issue of feeling secure with yourself is a big one, and I learned long ago to be who I am and be nice about it but not try to be something I am not just to pick up transient fair-weather friends who hurt you in the end.

Pick friends that have some common interests, like one of my friends started out with a common liking for many cats, and it has become a very deep friendship as time went on and we shared thoughts and hopes and failures deeper and deeper.

I have just made a closer friendship with an 85 year old woman, by asking her to check on a sick friend of mine during the Texas floods, whose number I had lost.  She lives in the same town, and she did, and my other friend is OK, but I did then have a chance to get better acquainted and find that we have lots in common.

I got another friend by giving a kitten away, and expressing interest in how it turned out.

You do need to give, and show interest, and work for broad based of relationships.  One thing bonding only is pretty weak.

And be helpful where you're skilled; that builds friendships.

And don't tease where it may be misunderstood.  Ask forgiveness when you offend, even accidentally.

You will lose some "friends" quickly, but some will stick as long as you are a friend back, show concern, listen to their problems when they need an impartial ear, etc..

There are good books, from the Bible to very secular ones on the establishment, care, and feeding of a friendship.  I suggest reading some carefully.  Note "some," not just one.  Get a broad perspective on friendship, and this doubtlessly will help you.

And buck up; I was the nerdy kid everybody loved to pick on and hate, for a long time.  But I found things to enjoy, such as in my case ham radio, and learning, and music, and came out in the end with good solid friends that have lasted over the years.

If I can help more, please feel free to contact me.  Best wishes.

Answer 3

I Think You Should Start Conversation.  Or If You Want To Start New,  Move To A Different State.  But That Would Be Pretty Hard With Going To College.  Well Theres My Advice,  But I'm Only 13 So Good Luck!

Answer 4

Get a hobby.  Go to cob works.  Volunteer your time building a cob house with others.  Like yourself by helping others.  Listen to people and try to put yourself in their shoes.  That is being a friend.

Consideration, compassion, patience, joy, forgiveness.  Can anybody help me out here with the friendship adjectives?

Answer 5

You are just at an age where there are a lot of changes, you have to change too.  Highschool is over, you need to choose a university or a career like all your friends and aquaintances are doing.  Interests change, relationships change.  Get on with your life, you will lose old friends and make new ones all your life.  Nothing to worry about.

Answer 6

You are in college now and there are tons of people that you can make friends with, and probably quite a few that feel just  the way you do.  This is the time of your life when you can completely reinvent yourself and start fresh.  And it's so easy!  Pay attention to the people around you.  You can tell when someone is open to you.  Next, make yourself approachable.  Then all it takes is some confidence to get the ball rolling.  

However, it is going to be hard when you work full time.  I went through that myself.  I know that you feel kind of alone, but it is only temporary.  It might be difficult to find an intimate friend when you don't have much time to spend with anyone.  But please don't despair!  The older you get, the easier it will become to carve out your place.  I only have one friend from that period of my life that I still talk to.  It wasn't until I graduated college that I really found where I belong.

About the guy that you lent money--no one has the right to behave the way he did when you were generous.  It sounds like he was using you and you'll probably not make amends because he's looking for someone to take advantage of--and you're not it.  Good for you.

Give it some time and you'll get there.  Also check out college clubs and organizations.  It's easy to make new friends with similar interests.

Good luck!

Answer 7

People like people who are secure with themselves...you seem very insecure with who you are.  Remember, to get a friend you have to be a friend....

Answer 8

In the Conservation category?  I guess you could recycle more and hope to make new friends at environmental rallies.

Answer 9

Im not sure whats wrong with you. You seem pretty normal to me. Start fresh with people you've never met. But be careful not to fall into the wrong crowd.

Answer 10

You say that you are in school full time and that you work full time. You probably do not have the time available to build up relationships with other people.

My family had no money for me to go to college, so I worked full time to support myself when I was in college. One thing that I found is that I had absolutely no time for a social life.

I had friends in college who were supported by their parents. They had time to have good social lives, but I do not think that they really accomplished as much as they could have accomplished.

That was approximately forty years ago. I think that what I learned in college more than made up for the lack of a social life.  

I also had friends from high school who had wonderful social lives, but never really accomplished very much after that.

Personally I think that what you are doing now in college is far more important than having a social life.

I would be more concerned with getting good grades in challenging courses with some substance to them than whether you have a good social life.

Answer 11

Im with james

why conservation though

Answer 12

you would probably get better answers in the relationship category, but anyway, just be yourself. and when you meet someone, don't seem overly anxious to be liked. play it friendly. join some groups or get into some activities that will link you to people that have similar interests as you do. don't worry too much about it. i have many acqaintances, but no one that i consider a true friend. i guess my husband is the closest thing to it, but there are things that i don't even share with him. also, the things i like to do aren't exactly the things he likes to do. we compromise alot about doing what we both enjoy. good luck and really, don't worry too much about it. be happy with yourself and things will start to improve from there.

Answer 13

hi!!

im nivedhitha..i could be ur frien cus im facing the same problem ive no best friends to whom i can pour out everything.

u have no problem..the things just went on like that..everone has a bad time in some or other part of his life..u r in high school now. its ur time to watch out people closely and select only them whom u think a similar 2 u in character. i can understand ur feelings but theres nothing u can except waiting patiently and understanding the people who enter ur l

life..

and about that guy ..im sure it was his mistake..he has no right to shout at u for beimg generous..

everything takes time...start being close to ur cousins, family friends...help them when they need & im sure ull find someone soon...good luck!!

Answer 14

Why would they think your a monster? you said you had a group of close friends in high school? did you lose these friends as you went away to college and if so this could be the reason you have trouble getting close and connecting with people. Maybe deep down your terrified of loosing someone thats close to you again. then again it could be an old emotional thing that you've never quite let go of. It may take some rooting but try to look to yourself first and try to see what others see. but plaese remeber dont change because someone else wants you to if they dont like you for who you are then they aren't very good friends in the first place.

Answer 15

Just open your mind and god give you a real good friendship.

Answer 16

O.m.g.    I'd be more than happy to be your friend...

but if you dont want me i'll understand...  :(

and also if ya dont want me im sure you'll find a good trusting  friend somday.

:)