He has the nerve to think he is within his rights to be angry with me.....?

Question

Long story short hubby stayed out until 5 am drinking, wouldn't answer the cell phone, came home as I was making the 5th call to a local emergency room to find out if he was there, told him to F*** OFF and not to even consider coming into our bedroom.

I made him wake up with the baby this morning and spent the time in my room reading a good book and enjoying some strong coffee.

I want to punch him in the face and I'm a pacifist, I haven't spoken to him all day and he thinks he has a right o be angry with me. How do I calm down so I can actually speak to him without spitting at him?

Answer 1

Well he has the right to feel however he chooses, you can't control that.  You can only control how you react to things.  

I agree, he screwed up.  He did something totally inappropriate and insensitive.  The thing to do now is decide how you are going to respond.  In a situation like this there are really only two choices:  we either move past them or move on.  

Is this a relationship deal breaker for you?  If so, then you need to stop being angry...if this is enough to make you not want to be with him anymore, then you have to get used to not having any feelings for him.

If you intend to move your relationship forward, then you also have to stop being angry.  You have to be able to speak to him like an adult (spitting at someone isn't going to help this) and you can only do that once you calm yourself down and collect your thoughts.  If you come to him angry you are only going to put him in a defensive mood, and instead of having honest communication, you will have yet another fight.

If you really don't feel like you can talk to him, maybe you could just write him a letter.  Tell him how hurt you feel by his actions and how scared you were when he didn't come home.  Tell him how you feel that this isn't the way a father should act, and that a respectful partner doesn't treat the other with such insensitivity.

Answer 2

Are his drunken late nights a frequent thing?  If so, then the two of you should talk and he should give you warning when he plans to stay out like that.  You have the right to know in advance.  

How do you calm down?  Ask him to sit down to talk about it and tell him how much it hurt you that he did this.   That you were  worried about him because you love him.  And ask him if he really wants to continue this behavior. Also get a commitment from him that he will WORK on this marriage with you.  

You two may want to see a marriage counselor as well.

Answer 3

I love how everyone thinks that it's "ok" for a guy to just go and do something like that... "its one mistake" .. YOU KNOW d**n straight that if YOU had of did that HE would have FLIPPED on you. Infact, just to prove everyone how guys will get MORE angry about you not coming home...someone go do it. I would have been so pissed if my husband did that. My fiance isn't a normal "guy" thank god. He thinks that kind of **** is UNNACCEPTABLE and DISRESPECTFUL. Wich it is. VERY much. HE could have at least told you...

Answer 4

The jerk has no right to be angry with you. He is acting irresponsibly and immature. He has a family. He is not a single man anymore. He needs to grow up and be a MAN. Let him smolder. Leave him alone. He is the one that needs to come crawling to you. Hopefully he will learn something. If you give in you are just enabling him to do it again. Be strong. You are right and he knows it. Do not give in to his pouting. He has to face the consequences of his actions. And one of them is a rightfully angry wife. It was good to make him get up with the baby too!! Good for you. When you have calmed down you can talk to him and tell him what you expect of him. If he is a real man he will listen and obey.

Maybe he is an alcoholic. If so, better to find out now. He needs to get his act together. Tell him I said so!!

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_i...

Answer 5

I know how you feel at least your husband came home,mine decided to stay at a friends after getting so drunk he could not stand up i phoned him at 11 this morning and he could not see what he did wrong,he was on his way to work.

I think until you have carmed down it won't work,i am so Cross still,i have asked my partner not to come home as I'm so mad.

Give it until tomorrow and he might get the message

Answer 6

It was dumb and immature of him to stay out until 5AM without contacting you. It was just as bad for you to say FU. That is a terrible thing to say to someone., unless you always want that person to be a complete and total enemy, and even then it is rude and accomplishes nothing.  He hsa every right to be angry, and so do you. You need to discuss it in a mature manner. If you are immature enough to"spit" at someone, you need counseling. But he also need to know he was wrong. Only YOU can allow yourself to calm down.

Answer 7

Is it really worth it to be so angry and s***w up your marriage for one mistake? Doesnt he need a night out too?

If you got a good thing, don't make situations to make it a bad thing.