He is forceful. What shall I do?

Question

I have been dating someone for three weeks. We met using the internet. I am 19 he is 26. We have many things in common on I very much enjoy his company.

This last weekend we slept together for the first time. I was very shocked to find that his was very forceful in his sexual ways. He is usually very quiet and shy but when we are naked together he is very forceful and almost is violent. He orders me to do things, restrains me and sometimes it hurts. But I really enjoy it.

At 19 years I have little experience of s*x and sexual practice. Is his behaviour normal?

Answer 1

thats hot. But if you both like it then its normal  

Answer 2

if you are into BDSM it is, if you arent then its not. dont do anything you arent comfy with and make up a safe word that he knows to stop, something not the word no tho cuz he may think your just playing...

Answer 3

It is 'normal' so long as you are comfortable and enjoying yourself.  why not create a code word so that if he takes it too far he knows when you are serious and want him to stop?

Answer 4

Before we jump the whip to BDSM, how rough was he getting? Was it "I'm going to rip your clothes off and f*** you" or was it "suck my c*** you stupid b*tch (slap)" By 'restrain' is he just holding you down a little or tieing you to the bed posts?

Either way, if you enjoy it, then go for it. Just make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

Finally, his behavior is within the spectrum of 'normal' but not necessarily 'vanilla'.

Answer 5

It's always the quiet ones.

If you are enjoying it, and are coming to no physical harm, I would suggest that you continue.

However, if you find that his behaviour is not acceptable to you, or there is real physical violence (so as hitting or when you say "stop", he continues), I think you should consider ending the relationship

Good luck

Answer 6

Yes its probably more normal than what you think, there are some men who like to be in charge in the bedroom and some who like their men to take charge.

Long as your are happy with the pace in which things are going then just enjoy, if you are not comfortable with anything then just talk to him but dont just bring up the negatives tell him which things you really enjoy doing with him, then mention what you don't enjoy, if you don't tell him he will think that you are enjoying them as he does, and will carry on.

and if all else fails send him over to me (joke)

Answer 7

It's not common, but some guys do get turned on by being controlling or violent. I suggest that you need to be very careful, and if you feel uncomfortable about it, then stop seeing him.

Answer 8

Perhaps he is into BDSM....but hey if you enjoy it, then have fun, though would have been good that you let him know that it hurts sometimes than being quite, coz s*x is about to have fun, but not to feel pain.

Answer 9

yikes!

thats a big age diffrence!

i mean if you like it! then stay with the guy!

but it is definitly not normal!

Answer 10

My suggestion on this is...you'll need to observe his behaviour more in daily life. You know, you just knew this guy for three weeks. And, usually one will not be able to see the "real" behaviour of someone else within three weeks.

Anyway, if you don't like the way he does it, then tell him. But, just be careful if he's a violent guy in his daily life.  

Answer 11

if you really enjoy it - then it is OK, but if you do things, just because he wants you to, then tell him... it is better to speak with him

about your question if his behavior is normal, well yes, but again he should not cause you anything you don't want

Answer 12

It's not normal for you obviously or you wouldn't be asking this question,if your ok with it then fine,my worry is,if he keeps pushing the boundary's will you say enough?!

Answer 13

if you enjoy it carry on but sit down and have a chat with him let him know how you feel as i am sure there will be times that you want to make love rather than raw s*x I'm hetro but me and my man like to have rough s*x at times but we did talk about it and respect each others feelings and if one of us don't want to do it, it doesn't happen for this kind of s*x you really need to trust your partner