He loves my KIDS..BUT I'M NOT SO SURE I LOVE HIM.HELP?

Question

really need some help...I've been dating him for a few years and we have lived together for a little over a year...in the last 3 or so, i've had a flirtacious relationship with another man...it started innocent enough..and has went too far a few times, this weekend i ended up with him and we almost had s*x...but didn't...the problem is I love my boyfriend..but have always had fond feelings for this man...we can go months without seeing eachother and we when finally do..its like we've been on forever....The thing is ....i really don't want to hurt my boyfriend...i'm confused...is it ever okay to sleep with another man "JUST TO SEE".... I know its selfish, but what do i do?

I've had one failed marriage which left me scared and i don't want to make the same mistake again...do i stay for my kids sake.....I'm not a s**t as some would believe...my bf knows whats going on...he doesn't seem to care..well, he cares, but kind of ignores the issues...i'm 30 and don't want another fail relationsh

Answer 1

Maybe your boyfriend ignores the fact you've been messing with someone else because it bothers him! You need to be sure that you're telling him everything that has been happening with this other man. For your kids' sake be honest. And don't sleep with anyone else "just to see", there is NEVER an excuse to cheat on anyone, I don't care how bad things are. You need to be honest with yourself and him, for your kids' sake. Their needs always come first. Like the other person said, get serious with him or get out. But first you need to be honest with him about everything that has been going on with this other man, even if you think he knows you need to tell him, you owe him that. Relationships are about two people, and not two people and everyone else. These are the very cases that make it on the Cheaters tv show. But do the right thing for your kids' sake and not just your own.

Answer 2

Why do you need to sleep w/ him "just to see" if you love him... love is so much more than just a physical attraction. And it sounds to me like you have a physical attraction to this other man which is making you second guess your feelings for your current boyfriend- just something for you to think about.

Answer 3

Well, would you be okay if your BF was doing everything you are but stayed with you? If you found out he slept with someone just to see? Probably not, you'd be angry that he jeopardized your relationship and all that you've built. If you arean't in love with him have enough respect for the man he's been for you and YOUR kids and let him go so that he can be with someone who IS sure. At this point you are not only putting his emotions at stake but your childrens as well, all for s*x...not a lesson I'd want to teach mine the hard way.

Answer 4

i dont think its fair to your boyfriend to sleep with another man "just to see" you should tell your boyfriends you need some space and would like to just be friends for a while. this way he can still see your kids and your not cheating on him. go out with the new guy and get to know him better before you have s*x with him. you dont want to rush anything and end up with another failed relationship. have the new guy meet your kids and see if there is any chemistry between them. if not- or your kids dont like him, then its not fair to them to be daiting/sleeping with him. but dont cheat on your boyfriend. 3 years is a long time .. you never know your current boyfrind might pop the question.

HOPE THIS HELPS! GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING! LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES!!

Answer 5

Consider your outcomes.

- you remain faithful to your BF.  Your home life remains stable.  Your kids are happy.  

- you cheat on your BF.  Your BF knows but doesn't leave you.   How do you feel about yourself for doing it?   Can you sustain a relationship under these circumstances?

- you cheat on your BF and he leaves you.   Your home life breaks up.   What is the impact on you?  Do you have to move?   Does it affect your finances?    How upsetting will it be for the kids?   Do you even know the other man would actually stay with you after you have a fling?  What has he been doing all this time?   Has  he remained without any GF all this time, or would he be cheating on someone to have this fling with you?

- you leave your BF and start a relationship with the other man.  What is the impact on your finances?   How does it affect your kids?   Where do you live?  

There is a difference between love and infatuation.  Infatuation sounds like what you have with this other guy.   So, are you really sure that you don't love your boyfriend, or are you confused because you are no longer infatuated with him, and you think it means you don't love him.   If you chase infatuation, you will never settle with one man and be happy.    Love is not so exciting, but it is stable and lasting.  Think about your kids, and what kind of life they need.   You chose to have kids, and kids need stability.  You need stability, too.  If you can't handle stability, if you keep looking for excitement, then you might need to ask yourself why you do that, and how you envision your future (free and chasing  excitement, or partnered in a comfortable and stable relationship), and then think what's best for your kids, and whether you should put their interests first, or your own.

No, it is never OK to sleep with another man "just to see".  You will know it was wrong, and it will be a pain in your heart.  It will be a pain in the heart of the man that you cheated on.  It will be a pain in the heart of the man that had you briefly but could not have you fully, and who knew he was helping you to cheat.   It is lasting pain and destruction for a very brief pleasure.

Answer 6

Do not under any circumstances only stay because your kids like him thats just wrong, the longer you stay with him the more attached to him they will be and if your doubting it now you'll doubt your love or whatever you seem to have for him even more later on and break up spare him and your kids the heartbreak and move on it can only get more messed up.

Answer 7

Either GET SERIOUS

or GET OUT.

Spare this guy's feelings. If you don't love him now then you won't later.