He says he'll leave if I don't go with him?

Question

My husband is saying that unless I bring the children to live in his home country of Australia then he will leave and go back anyway. I am devestated...part of me thinks I should go rather than deprive the children of their Father...but the other part thinks that it can nevr work anyway if he is prepared to give ultimatums like that. We all live in the UK and I have lived in Oz with him just after the birth of our 1st daughter...I hate it there and miss my large extended family...there is no family there apart from his Mother...his main reasons for wanting to go back are that he misses his friends and that he wants to pay off debts he has there./..debts which would be cheaper to pay off with a British loan! Theres no need to go to Oz to pay off a debt! And friends are friends...they are not my friends and none of them have any kids...what shall I do?

Answer 1

You need to decide what's best for your kid's over everything else, then yourself secondly. Your husband obviously isn't that prepared to stay for you and expects you to go where ever he will go. Which isn't much of a marriage, but saying this he might just be a bit stressed about the debt's and missing his friends and mother. You remind yourself is it worth uprooting and changing countries and how your 4 year old might react to the change, The baby isn't as likely to notice. Just think about how it will affect your family and you secondly as your kids are always more important.

:) Hope this helped a bit.

♥

Answer 2

let him go, he will be back within a few months tail firmly between legs.

Answer 3

My guess is that he has ulterior motives.  I can't imagine a man that truly loved his wife and children, giving them that ultimatum.  Something is fishy in the UK!!!  You need to know what is waiting there for you in Australia.  If you can make new friends, why can't he.  Is he looking to have an affair with someone there?  (maybe someone he left behind and has been communicating with?)  You need to do some digging.  Has he lost his job?  Something is not right .  there is a piece of that puzzle missing!

Answer 4

Ultimatums are coercion and manipulation. If the man truly loved you, he wouldn't put you to the test and make you choose.

Answer 5

If a man threatens to leave his wife and children, what hope is there for that marriage?  

However, it is much easier to make friends when your children are young as you mix with other young mothers.  (I moved from South Africa to the UK).  It is possible to move across the world like this and make friends.  but I am not happy with his ultimatum - that sounds really hard.

I'd love to move to Australia - I'm used to that kind of living and I find the UK really hard.  Especially after this awful summer we've had.  I think that it would be a better life for children.  But at the same time, once you're there and your children are in the education system, it is very hard to move back.

Honey, the choice is yours.  And I don't envy you one bit.

Answer 6

maybe it would be different if he wasnt your husband and kids werent in the picture

me personally i hate when men try 2 give you a ultimatum

its controlling to me

Answer 7

So what your husband is saying to you is that he will leave you and the kids if you don't agree to go with him. You have already tried to make it work and live in Oz, obviously it didn't work. I would be asking myself the question, if he truly loves me and the children how can he leave us. He seems to be putting himself first.

I would sit down and have a conversation with him. Find out why he really wants to go back to Oz, surely he is not going to leave his wife and children to pay back a loan, no, there must be more to it. It could simply be that he misses his home, Oz is where he grew up and where his roots are, if this is the case i would ask him to give England a real try, i.e make friends there, for 1 year, if he still feels the same then maybe you could talk again and consider giving Oz another try, after all he has lived in England for four years for you.

The main question you need answered is, is he prepared to abandon you and the children for this and if he is you may need to rethink your relationship as it may not work in England or Oz,

Answer 8

Is it possible there is a woman there?

Answer 9

It depends what is more important to you, your extended family, or your husband and children.  It is possible that you spend so much time with this extended family that he feels the only way you can be a real family is if he takes you away.  That debt  thing is just an excuse to cover his insecurity.

Answer 10

honestly, he's such an *** to even think of leaving you and your kids. what kind of husband and father is he? seems like you'd be better off without him. but its a tough choice.

hope you get to make a good decision.

Answer 11

Oz is cool btw, a good place to raise kids!

But if ur husband is turnin the guilt card, give him a word of your mouth.

Answer 12

How can you "hate" a country? What exactly is your problem with Oz, the home of your beloved husband? It seems to me your choice is between your husband and your extended family. I think you should leave your family and get a life - a new life. And this man's offering it to you. You could agree to go but on the condition that he NEVER gives you an ultimatum again. Make this clear to him. He should then be so happy and so relieved that you're going with him to live there that he'll agree.