He told his mother!!!?

Question

I only just found out I am 5 weeks pregnant and we have been ttc for a few month so you can imagine....absolute elation.

All along I confided in my mother as a daughter would do. I wanted to have this pregnancy our little secret until we were over the 12 weks and we could tell everyone together.

But no!! Whats done cannot be undone. In a "by the way" sort of an attitude.....ON THE PHONE, my donkey of a husband told HIS mother. I am absolutely livid with him. He never even consulted me. PLus she has a big mouth..so how long before our precious news has spread?!?!

Am I over reacting....I thought every married man KNEW the whole mother-in-law unspoken rule! I cant even look at him! >:0(

Answer 1

I understand that you wouldn't want to share this precious news until after the 12 week mark, but you were excited to tell your mother, and I am sure your husband was just as excited to tell his mom. Maybe you could call your MIL and just ask if she can keep it a secret until your positive everything is going to be alright.

I am so happy for you and wish you the best with your pregnancy!

Answer 2

thats a bit selfish-if you are allowed to tell your mum why isnt he!  

Answer 3

You can share with family but he can't? You are the one with a problem. You are selfish and controlling in this.

Answer 4

if this is your biggest problem you have it made. get over it

Answer 5

I would of been a bit upset too, but he was probably so excited he wanted to tell someone! I totally understand the 12 week thing but at the end of the day dont go on about it, whats the point? I would maybe give her a wee phone and ask her not to tell anyone because of the 12 week thing, but dont keep being mad with your hubby, its his baby and excitement too! Good luck to you both!!

Answer 6

Arghh! I feel your frustration! Its maddening isn't it? But you know what? your hubby is just as excited as you and probably couldn't keep it secret. You have told your mum and I guess he just thought it would be ok to tell his...although my mother in law sounds just like yours so I can imagine what a disaster that is! I suggest you give her a ring and have a nice chat with her and let her know how excited you are but also cautious too until the 12 week deadline, and ask her nicely not to spread the news.

Don't give your husband too hard a time!

Answer 7

Repeat after me..."I'm just hormonal right now. I'm sorry".

Answer 8

Understand you being a bit hurt that he didn't consult you, but remember you wanted to share with your mother, so you have to respect him wanting to share with his mother.  Believe me I know about the m-i-l thing... got the world's worst.  But don't let this come between you at such a happy time.  Good luck  

Answer 9

Can I just tell you how angry your post makes me!  I have one child a son.  He is married with two children.  What makes you think your relationship with you mother is any more special than his relationship with his mother?  This whole attitude of yours is one of the biggest reasons there are issues between mil/dil's.

Your mother is no more of a special person than his is.  Yours is special to you and his mom is special to him.  You should treat them equal in regards to your marriage.  Don't you realize moms with sons still have the same hearts and feelings as mothers with daughters?   My son confided many, many things to me while growing up and dating and married.  Just as you do with your mom.   I am no less of a mother because I gave birth to a son!

If you wanted to keep it a secret is should of stayed between you and hubby and NO ONE else!  His mom is just as entitled to know as your mom!  She is a grandma just as much as your mom.  

Sorry, well actually I'm not, you just really hit a nerve with me!

EDIT:  THE BOTTOM LINE IS EITHER IT IS KEPT BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU OR NO ONE AT ALL.  MY POINT IS IF YOUR MOTHER IS PRIVILEGED TO THE INFO SO SHOULD HIS MOTHER BE.  I disagree, it looks to be an obvious attack on your mother-in-law otherwise you wouldn't care that your hubby talked to his mom.  If my hubby did or wanted to talk to his mom about OUR upcoming birth of our son I would of encouraged him to do so.   Also I have no issues with hearing the news of the upcoming births of my two grandchildren.  If you thought your mother-in-law was as great as you claim you should been happy he was so excited to tell her.

Answer 10

I think you are over reacting, be chuffed that your both going to have a baby.

Answer 11

well you know the old saying "momas boy". thats all that is. he must tell her everything or maybe how important this is hasnt hit him yet. even though you two are suppose to be one and respect each others decisions....... you have every right to be upset! i would too!

Answer 12

When it come to a man - never assume. Besides it's not that big of a deal. What's done is done - no need to have a heart attack over something that u have no control over. Calm down, relax, eat some chocolate and move on. Besides I'm sure he'll do something in the next couple months that will really make your blood boil.

Answer 13

I am very close to my son - as close as any daughter could be to her mother.  My son often confides in me - and I hope my dil has benefited from my advice.  She doesn't know how much he does talk to me.  I know my place in our relationship - it is as his mother, the one who wants the best for him and that means, btw, encouraging him to put his wife first and to treat her well, to be patient and kind.  I have a very good relationship with both my dil's fortunately.  By the way, I don't think it is a competition between wives and mothers - each has her place.  

You confided in your mother, sorry, but it is natural for your son to confide in his mother.  If you had wanted it kept quiet, then you should have said so, even though that might have caused offence.

I wouldn't bother getting upset - if you are so concerned, ask her not to say anything.  Put up with her concern - she cares about you.  It's too late now, the cat is out of the bag, and other than being angry about it, you could put up with good grace.

Answer 14

yes your crazy

you told your mum he told his

equal rights and all that  

Answer 15

i can kinda understand why ur upset about this, but think about it, he told his mom coz hes really happy, its not some sort of competition about whos gona tell their mom first, dont give him a hard time over this, im sure hes just really excited that hes gona be a dad.

last year when i was pregnant, i was 6 weeks gone and told my hubby to keep it quite,i didnt want anyone to know until i had my first scan but before i knew it not only had he told his entire family but also a few of his mates, i guess i was sort of angry with him, but then i thought about it and knew that hes just excited about being a dad, and plus everyone was really happy for us.

ie he wants his mom involved as much as u want urs, think about it now ur angry with him just coz hes told his mom ur pregnant, and when ur babys born ur mother in law will maybe visit u alot more coz sahe wants to see her grandchild then what r u gona do??? u need to try and involve ur mom and ur hubbys mom when it comes to ur baby,

thats what marriage is about.

dont be angry with ur hubby, make up with him.

takecare hun x

Answer 16

If you told your mum it's only fair he gets to tell his.

Stop been so selfish.

Answer 17

If he told his mum but asked her not to say anything until after 12 weeks, I think that's ok

Answer 18

I agree with Charlotte. Plus, say to yourself that you are totally convinced that he truly is as excited as you to have a baby otherwise he wouldn't have wanted to share with anyone; in this case, his mom.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

:)

Answer 19

I feel for you but need now to make life as pleasant as possible for yourself, your husband, your mother-in--law etc. Accept what has happened, he is a man and I doubt if he has a clue about what you are upset about.  You have a great husband lovely kids and  workable relationship with your MIL.. Draw a line in the sand and just move on. You could try talking to your MIL and ask her to keep the news between the four "special" people who know. if not think of it as making a contribution to the happiness of your family and bite your tongue I bet my MIL has to bite her tongue with me all the time! My best wishes to you

Answer 20

Bit confused, maybe i misunderstood, but why is it OK for you to confide in your mother, but not him his.

If that is what you are saying, you maybe your mother's daughter, but you are also his wife.

If i am wrong, sorry than no you are not over reacting, but talk to him about it and get over it quick and be happy again.

Answer 21

Relationships are about communication and not unspoken rules.

You care about each other but are not mind readers. He assumed that you can tell your mum, so he can tell his.  Simple.  Talk to MIL and say how happy you are and ask if you can keep it as a secret with just her and your mum in the know.  She might like the idea of having privileged info.

Barn, bolt horse

Answer 22

Your first answer used the word selfish, and I don't mean you husband. Iv had four kids, and if my misses pulled that attitude Id of been off.

So its ok for you to tell your mother, but not him to tell his, it's the 21st century.

Yes the more I think about it you are being selfish, I know you wont like me saying that, but hey, if the shoe fits.

  

Answer 23

Whoa - calm down.  Truthfully, I'd be really ticked off as well, HOWEVER, one big thing I learned the hard way is that men can't read minds, and they are definitely blissfully unaware of all 'unspoken rules' when it comes to women, marriage (including the unique daughter -in-law / mother-in-law dynamics) and especially pregnancies.  

Unless you specifically said, "Do not tell your mom, I want us to tell her together and make it special" or some other such thing, he is going to go ahead and think it is ok to tell her.

Take it as a lesson learned and move forward.

Answer 24

You are over reacting.  You told your mom so it is only fair that he told his as well.