He treats me like c**p but i need him!

Question

i have been with my boyfriend for 2 and half years. im 18 years old hes 22, i love him so much buh i duno what to do he treats me like c**p he calls me everythink etc ( ***** white *****.....prostitute h**e) i just take it off him dont really say anythink back , he has hit me a few times but i am dull enough to forgive him , he has no respect for me. he wont let me drink alcohol go out basicly hes controlling my life but i cant do anythink about it ve talked to him but this dont go anywhere, i have even tried to end our relatonship coz its got so bad buh i just cant do it, its easyer to say than do. yeh ok we have our good times buh its mostly bad like every other day, i have to be carefull wha i say to him, 1 moment he can be fine and the next he can just flip and be some 1 else it scares me. he says he wants to marry me and tha, buhh to be honest i realy cant see that happening dont get me wrong i wana be with him so much and i love him so much but i dont know what to do i cant take it anymore but i cant bare to be without him. u know what its like to feel asif this person is the only person u can be with the only person that completes u the person u cant live without, well thats what i feel like but i know hes not the 1 for me but i want him to be, but i just cant live like this, i keep everythink to myself about our realationship and just cover all the pain up with a smile i dont know what to do.

Answer 1

You do not NEED him.    At the present you feel like that, but you are young enough to cut the ties and find a man instead of a wassock.

Kick him into touch, and move on.

Answer 2

Oh my god, I was in the EXACT same situation. I was 18 and he was 21, treated me great one minute and the next he's being incredibly mean and hurtful..the little jerk even had an online dating site while seeing me...he controlled who i hung out with and called me a w***e and all that. I put up with it for a while because I loved him, but if someone really loves you they aren't going to hurt you, especially not hit you or disrespect you. I was never hit but that's only because I ended it before it got worse. In your situation him hitting you is absolutely unacceptable. The only reason he's doing this is because you've allowed it, you're showing him you dont respect yourself by staying, and you can't get that back I've learned. It sucks but you need to see it's just something you shouldnt put up with no matter how much you love or care about someone. I was head over heels for my man, but he just hurt me so much and didn't respect me. Éxactly like your guy is doing. If I can do it you can be strong too. Have more self respect hon, it's not worthe the heartache in the end...My guy said he wanted to marry me too, but something you need to know is it's just their way of keepin you around..controlling you. It's no good, being in your sit take my word and get out of it now and meet someone who is gona treat you with respect and love. You don't need anyone like that in your life.

Answer 3

Your life is most important thing.

I'm not going to sit here and try to convince you that you should leave him because that kind of courage comes from within. You need to find that power from the inside. You know right from wrong because otherwise, you wouldn't have asked this very personal question.

You are born alone. You will die alone. Do not depend on this person because trust me, you cannot change them.

Go to your doctors, speak to a professional about getting some counselling. You need the help and advice from a professional.

Go home to your family. Tell them what's going on, you will feel a thousand times better. Don't let him take away what god gave you.

Your beauty is more than just skin deep, use your strength from within to overcome this obstacle in your path to success. Use this man who does not love you and will not marry you, use him as a stepping stone to heighten your standards.

I believe in you.

Good Luck.  

Answer 4

You DONT need him please believe me you are just in a rut just now and are used to him always being there.

Break free, thinks will be tough for like a month but then youre life will be so much better, you will think back and think what was I ever doing with him in the first place!!! x

Its time to move on, be brave x

Answer 5

Maybe you need him to treat you like c**p? Think about it.

Answer 6

Hey Sophie,

You have been with him from 15 or 16 til now.  That is a long time.  We girls are developing who we think we are, our identities at this age.  So your identity is wrapped up with him.  It probably seems to hard to think of what life would be like without him.

How is your relationship with you mom or dad?  Have a decent relationship with sisters, brothers, other family?  Keep any of your good friends?  Try to think back to who you were and the previous relationships.  Start to build those relationships back up.  Maybe once you know you have those supports, leaving is not like leaving all important relationships.  You will know you have the support and love from other people.

Just so you know, boys - as they age and mature - usually become better boyfriends.  Usually we girls become better at how we are in a relationship too.  Sometimes what starts out as a great thing can turn bad when we are not able to grow and mature into better people.  We can be ugly when we feel confined.  Leaving him will help you both develop who you are in a healthier way where people are not being mistreated.

Answer 7

He's never going to change' so can you see yourself living this way forever how ever long that may be, I hope your answer is NO! this is your life you have to look after and respect yourself. There will be someone out there for you who will love and respect you and until then find yourself find out who you are. leave this relationship behind and live a happy life. Don't be a victim anymore.  

Answer 8

Grow a pair of balls please. Tell him to ***** off. Dr Pepper whats the worst that can happen?  

Answer 9

i am sure that he tells you that you cant make it without his 'support' but the reality is that he isnt going to change his behaviour any time soon no matter what you say to him

so the choices you do have are either

you stay and put up with escalating violence (and probably bring kids into it)

or

you leave - get professional help in dealing with inner issues of self esteem before entering into any other relationship)

Answer 10

Life is not supposed to be like this. Find the courage! This scum does not deserve you.

Life will be so much richer for you when he's gone.

Answer 11

Hmmmm... so what you're saying is that you NEED to be called a w***e, you NEED to be slapped around, you NEED to controlled and manipulated? yeah... and I NEED a hot needle inserting up my r****m!

Do me a favour... come back on the website tomorrow, get a cup of coffee and have a read over what you've written... You know better than anyone on here that he's a ****... you know better than anyone that you don't actually need him... you know all this and yet you still seek confirmation from a group of people that you do not know and half of whom I wouldn't trust to tie my shoes!

You are lacking in confidence and emotional balance because you are suffering from domestic abuse... you are being abused by a domineering partner and will continue to be so until YOU take a stand.

You feel like you need him because you have adapted to this life style in a way that all us humans are capable of doing in hostile environments. You have learnt to obey and to accpet that that you will not find a better life and that you some how deserve it... Well you do not deserve this... you deserve better and have the power to control it.

You already know the answer... you just need to take the step, you do not need justification, you just need to find that courage... you have it, you wouldn't be here if you didn't... You are afraid of what might be because you are afraid of what is, you think that all things are like your life... they are not.

Life is a flowing river and he is a dam of desperation... You will find a way around, the result will just end with a matter of how hard and which way you push. You will find a way... but only when you find the courage within yourself to do what you already know is right!

good luck.

Answer 12

You don't NEED someone that treats you like ****! Find some dignity as a woman and ditch this loser! I bet you can find someone waaay better than that lowlife! Grab some courage and let people know about this.

This BOY is wrong and cowardly for treating you this way, and you can't let it go on.

It starts with, "Oh hunny, I'm sorry for pushing you" Then, "Oh hunny, I'm sorry for punching you,"

" I'm sorry for breaking your leg"

"I'm sorry for sending you to the hospital"

"I'm sorry for causing you an early funeral"

C'mon, I'm 13 years old and I even know when enough is enough.

Answer 13

you don't need him, he is the weak one and needs you! that's why he acts so controlling. This is not a healthy relationship and it may only get worse, people like him rarely ever change. Find the strengh within and kick him to the kerb as there is a better life for you around the corner with someone who is not a loser and will worship you for real. Get involved with activities to take your mind off of him and make a fresh start as you deserve so much more!

Answer 14

Right some of what I'm going to say will sound harsh but you need to understand that it is the truth and you will benefit from heeding what I say.

This man is a coward and a t**t. He knows d**n well that he has you under his complete control and he believes that you are too weak to change that, this allows him to treat you the way he does. You need to stop allowing this to happen, you know deep down that there is no diplomatic solution to this; the ONLY way it is going to change is if you take a stand and change it yourself. Walk out, simple as that. You will no doubt argue that it isn't that simple but you are only lying to yourself. It IS that simple, just pack your stuff and go. You say it's easier said than done, why? What's so hard about leaving? Look at it logically, you're not happy right? Do you really believe that by staying you're going to be happier than if you leave? No, you don't believe that and your question has made that clear. Maybe you're scared about what will happen when you leave. Well I will tell you: He will try and contact you, he will pester you constantly trying to make you believe that he has changed and that he is sorry. This is all bullshit; he will do this because he believes that it will get you back under his control. You MUST NOT allow this to happen; ignore him completely, if he calls you don't answer, if he texts you delete it without reading it, do not tell him where you are and tell whoever you're staying with to tell him to f**k off if he comes round. He WILL try and manipulate you but as long as you know that is what he's doing you will get through it and eventually he'll back off. If he doesn't then get a restraining order.

Open up to your friends and family, if they know the truth they'll help you. Do not be afraid of this; they will NOT think of you as weak and they will not blame you for this (I suspect you believe they will and this is why you keep it to yourself). It is entirely in your hands, once he realises that you have grown a backbone and some self confidence he will lose interest.

Good luck, and try to be strong. If...no...WHEN you do leave him you will eventually wonder why it was so hard to do so and wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

Answer 15

aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh god i hate people like you. You say you love him, but he hits you and degrades you. Jesus. Really, you know exactly what to do, but you don't think you'll be able to survive on your own. You need to man up, and your boyfriend should be shot.

Answer 16

You need to leave him! I seen this so many times on the maury show he's gonna kill you!

If he does that he really does not love you because someone that does that does not have truly repsect for you! I mean if you want to go through all that hurt and pain for love you ahead and do it! But is it really worth going everday knowing that love is worth getting disrespected or even hurt! Usually when boys do that they end up selling their girlfriends bodies for money and i really  don't want that to happean to you! Like Mary j blige says no more drama and you need to get out of a relationship like that! You really need to get out of this i made of list of websites you can go to!

God bless

Answer 17

this is a trophy man you have there. i would not let him alone with my dog . how can you stay with this idiot? get a backbone and get out! or don't and suffer the consequences, its up to you.

Answer 18

I feel your pain.  Love is not pain.  You have no future with this guy.  He is abusive, emotionally, physically and verbally.  He does not complete you.  You are complete by yourself.  He should be an addition to your completeness.  He is a minus, actually.  

He has lessened your self worth by calling you horrible names and hitting you.  No real man will hit a woman, no matter how mad he gets.  What you feel is...you are afraid to move on.  You have a low self esteem or no esteem.  He does not make you feel better.  He should be building you up and not bringing you down.

Don't get it twisted, you can live without him.  You lived without him, before you met him.  I been there and done all that and I am happier now with a good man.  Stay strong.  You will find the one that was meant for you.  This clown isn't it.

Love is joy.  It is awesome.  It is not what you are experiencing.  Best advice, do not marry him.  Cut your losses, now, because this pattern will be your life.  It is not going to get better.  Trust me.

Answer 19

Don't know any of the background but you need to decide what you want from the relationship. And then lay that out to him. Only you can decide whether or not he's worth adjusting your priorities for - but I'd imagine that you think he's not.

You are right, if something needs to be done on his part then this is the exact time for him to do it to show his love for you.

You should only give your love to a man who will walk through fire and broken glass to bring you a cuppa tea!

If he cannot provide that, then decide it's over.I would crack that bottle of wine and have a good old cry - just get it out of your system.

It will release some of the stress and tension that you're feeling.

I do feel for you but I'm sure that you WILL find the guy who will give you what you need.