He wants me back... help please!?

Question

My ex-boyfriend came to my house the other day pleading to have me back. I am 14 and he is 15. I am 30 weeks pregnant. After I told him that I was pregnant, he got very mad and said that he never wanted to see me again nor did he want anything to do with his child. This is the first time I have seen or talked to him after that. He said that he has saved money and has read about pregnancy and babies, but I just don't care about it. He wants to be there for the rest of the pregnancy, for the birth, and for my daughter. He wants me back as his girlfriend. He was saying all of this stuff about how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. As far as i'm concerned, I would be happy if he would just go back to the football field because that's really all he cares about!

I have a wonderful family that is supporting me through everything! I have earned money to complete my baby's nursery and other things such as clothes, toys, and other supplies with no help from him.

Personally I don't want him around, but I think it might be good for her to have a father. I just don't want him to help take care of her for the first couple weeks and then all of a sudden start to slack. I don't want her to grow up with him and then he goes off to college and doesn't want to be around us and Rowan, my daughter, gets hurt!

I just don't know! I need help!

Answer 1

The first thing is girls mature faster than guys, so while you may be handling this well, it is probably harder for him. The question I would ask myself is "Do I love this guy?" If so I would try to make it work, if not then it will not end up working in the long run.

Answer 2

I wouldnt date him! If you want him there for the birth, fine! He could be there for you through the birth, and he has a right to see his newborn baby. If you dont feel comfirtable with it, tell him he can just visit you. He sounds like a jerk! Let him see the baby but dont take him back!

Answer 3

you screwed up you life whole, no college, and theres a small chance your so "told" boyfriend will becomes a pro football player, if he really has good grades then let him stay at school, let him lead himself to college, if not, when he hits 16 let him drop out ads start working for the child and you,

may god be with you and

good luck

Answer 4

Your a smart girl for thinking of you child first. Tell him no, that you don't have the feelings for him anymore and that he can be part of the childs life. Get support set up through court and visitation too. Then that way at least he is supporting her. My sister went through the same thing with her boyfriend and he turned out to be a deadbeat dad that came and went when it was good for him. Stand your ground your baby will thank you for it!

Answer 5

it doesn't matter how you feel about him. he's the baby's father and he has a right to be involved with her. You don't have to have a relationship with him, it only matters that you allow him to be in her life. And trust me him being there financially and physically for his daughter is going to be a huge help. Being a single mother with no financial help from the father is the pits. I have watched my sister in law go through it with 4 kids. So, set something up so he can come to the doctor appointments and see the progress of his daughter and have him buy things for the baby. After the baby is born set up visitation with him and a open communication of what you feel he is responsible for paying to care for his child. It would scar your daughter in the long run if she learns that her mother refused to let her see her father and let him be in her life when he wanted to. So, do the right thing for your child and make him a part of her life. He doesn't have to be your partner or anything he just needs to be allowed to care for his daughter, which he seems to want to do. God bless and work this out. I know you are young but you made an adult decision by having s*x and getting pregnant so now you have to be an adult and don't let your feelings get in the way of your daughter having a relationship with her father.

Answer 6

Your family support sounds far more important in this time of need..You cannot allow yourself to be stressed during your pregnancy..Please think of yourself and how to stay healthy at this time..Think of a relationship after the baby is born.For now though if he would like to go along for doctor appointments and be there for the birth i think you would feel better if he were present.

Answer 7

In the future, you can tell your baby who her real father is if she would like to know and let her contact him if she wishes but HE IS NOT A GOOD FIGURE OR ROLE MODEL FOR HER, FIND A POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODEL FOR HER. Biological is sometimes not as good as step. Also if he does anything silly explain to her that his behavior is not acceptable and explain to her not to repeat his bad behavior.

Answer 8

it's up to you what is going through your head right now. do you still have feelings for him or are you pissed because he left you when you told him you where pregnant? if he can leave you once he can do it again but for the sake of your daughter you should at least try at a friendship not all teen dads come back and say I'm ready to be a father so let him be in the babies life but a relationship any further then friendship may not be the best thing for either one of you right now because that is how you got into this situation moving to fast.  try a friendship first and wait to see what happens after the baby is born you both have a lot to live for and you both have diploma's to get. good luck.

Answer 9

leave him , but let him visit the baby , or there may be a court case over custody and visitation rights

Answer 10

All you need to think about is what's best for you and your daughter, nothing else matters.

Answer 11

if you dont want him around. tell him. but obviously he was in shock when you told him (hes only 15) you should give him sometime and known that he`ll come aaround.  

Answer 12

14 and preggo!? DONT TAKE HIM BCK!

he got you pregnant for one, and omg no this i wrong.. don't take him back

Answer 13

14 and pregnant ? What were you BOTH thinking? Maybe you both lacked the braincells to be careful. Really, he is immature. At 15, I doubt he is any better now than before. Football players can be stupid jocks. Go with your gut about taking him back.  

Answer 14

Hey! I have had the exact same problem! I decided that i would not get back together with him but i would let him visit my daughter as much as he wanted. We had scheduled visitations where he came every saturday and we would all spend the day together. he proved alot to me and we are now currently engaged and expecting our second. Men sometimes seem to surprise you but i dont know your situation but you do what is right by you and by your daughter, just because he is the dad doesnt mean you have to give in to him and spend the rest of your life together, not if you dont want to.

Answer 15

its up to you. if you feel like he is going to slack off, put his *** on child support. all you need is his first and last name. the government will worry about everything else. that way, hes still in his childs life one way or the other

Answer 16

be with your family and do the best for when she born she can see her dad

Answer 17

well if hes the dad he has a right to be a part of the baby's life that includes child support among other ways like visitation caring for and emotional support you may need to get a lawyer to establish rights but you are both minors so your parents would have to file on your behalf and his on his behalf  

Answer 18

AS A SINGLE PARENT MY MOM TOLD ME "YOU CAN MAKE IT WITH ONE MAYBE EVEN TWO ON YOUR OWN " BUT IF YOU FEEL LIKE THIS NOW ABOUT HIM ITS ALREADY DOWN HILL AND DONT LET HIM PRESSURE YOU EITHER LIKE HE DID TO GET YOU IN BED YOU NEED STABILITY AND HE GOT YOU PREGNANT ONCE IT CAN SURELY HAPPEN AGAIN DONT GET TRAPPED EVEN FURTHER

Answer 19

wow, ur pretty screwed up. why are you having s*x at 14? im 13 and i know better than to let some boy get in my pants. im srry but i feel bad for you. work it out wit your family and your "boyfriend".  

Answer 20

I met my husband when I was 14 and he 17.When I was 19 I got pregnant. During the pregnancy he went though a lot of stuff. It ended with us living together, but not as a couple, until after my daughter was born. When she was about a month old I told him to commit or leave. He left. Two months later he begged me to take him back. He really hurt me, but I gave him another chance. I'm not sure what happened, but he changed. He has been wonderful since. We have been married for 2 years and haven't had a fight since. However, men do mature much slower. They have a hard time understanding hormonal issues we woman go through. They are often torn. He is so young right now that expecting him to settle down is going to lead to a lot of heartache. I suggest you allow and encourage him to be a part of your little girls life. As you get older maybe things will change. Make sure you don't make him visiting his little girl hard. You can't be emotional, boohooy, clingy, or mean when he comes too see her. This will drive him away.

NEVER use you baby to get at him. When your child is older she will hate you for this. Also ignore the pepople saying your life is over. My mom was 15 when i was born, adopted when she was 19 and had my sister when she was 20. As soon as we were all in school she got her degree in medical assisting. As long as you have a good support team it'll be easy. My husband is in college right now. At his school there is excellent childcare provided during classes, and plenty of scholarships for hardworking single moms.

Answer 21

Sam,

My wife is from Maine - Machias to be precise. We live in Washington State now.

Any, on to your question.

15 is much too young to be considered mature and responsible. At 15 your ex can't get a drivers license, buy cigerettes, buy a gun or ammo, vote, etc. At 15 he wasn't responsible enough to keep from getting you pregnant.

So, if you want what's best for Rowan Jessica, then I suggest you limit the people in her life to those who ACT responsible, who will always be there for her.

If in four years or so, your ex has continually provided for her, is in college or holding a good job, and is acting responsible and mature, then gradually ease him into her life. Later in life she won't realize he wasn't there earlier (how many people can remember when they were 3 or 4 years old?).

Always, always, always do what's best for your daughter.

A 15 year old father is not what's best.

"Ranger"

Answer 22

wow your only 14?

but anyways thats besides the point

ok well this happens a lot, sometimes in teenage pregnancies the father gets scared and doesn't know what to do and he thinks maybe if he pushes you away things will be better. then he realizes that it wont just "go away" and decides he wants to be there

so maybe you should take into consideration that he might want to be there for real and everything. And it would be a good thing if she had a father so maybe you should give him a change at least and then go from there.

Answer 23

The fact is, he is the baby's father and you have to give him a chance. He is young but took the time to think about it and decided he does want to be a father. That's good.

No one knows what the future will bring. I know many people who had loving fathers who spent a lot of time with them. Their parents got divorced and the father disappeared. No one could have guessed that they would do that. On the other hand, I know many single fathers who work hard to be the best parent they can be and give up things that others think they can't live without because their baby comes first. Some of them never seemed like good father material.

Much of his relationship with your child is going to be determined by you. You don't have to get back with him but you should encourage him to be there for the baby. Encourage him to love his child and want to spend time with the child. You have a right to not allow him to expose the baby to anything harmful but he may want to keep the baby safe as much as you do.

Please, give him a chance. Your child deserves to have her father love her and to have a relationship with him. Its not just about you and what you want anymore. The baby's needs take priority and your baby needs the chance to be loved by her father.

Answer 24

You know what the best thing to do is. Think of your daughter, and that's it. Let your head guide you, not your heart.

Answer 25

take him back carefully not trusting and see what happens  

Answer 26

you need to leave his sorry @ss cuz you pretty much predicted the future. he will want to leave and go to college where he will probably meet somebody else. i doubt he cares as much as he says he does, otherwise he would have SOMEWHAT helped. but he didnt. if anything, keep him away from your baby. you dont need a guy whose not gonna be a good father and will most likely just leave within the next 3 years when he finishes high school.

please help with mine:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...