He wants to put our baby up for adoption I'm undecided and just don't know what to choose.Whats a girl to do?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 yrs. He has told me that He doesnt want kids or at least not till He is older...well I'm 2 months pregnant and He wants to give our child up for adoption.He says that right now we aren't ready financially and that there are other things He wants out of life for us before we even think to bring another life into this world .He also thinks the quality of life for the child would be poor.I realy don't want to lose him and/or be a single mom which in the case I decide to keep it He says will happen.I don't know what to do.Part of me agrees with him and what He wants to happen,but another part says protect what is growing inside of me and keep it..It seems like every other day He hounds me to see if I have come to a decision.It stressful and not helping me in any way come to a decision any faster I just feel so lost and under so much pressure to deside.Can anyone help me out on this?

Answer 1

Firstly , you know that he's not ready for a baby, but are you ?

Are you ready to put your life/dreams on hold when this baby arrives ?

Are you able to teach this new life values that are important ?

If you really are not up to it , then adoption is best.

Answer 2

Hi, I don't know you, but I do want to tell you to think about your decision wisely.  No women wants to raise a baby alone, but they do it.... And it turns out fine.  Never let anyone pressure you into something you don't want to do, or may regret.  How do you know your boyfriend and you will last forever honestly?  I'm adopted and I don't know much about my parents and it hurts to have someone just give you away.... It effects me often and makes me feel alone at times.  I know you'll come up with the right decision.

God Bless

Answer 3

you cant give up someting you have had growing inside of you feeling his or hers everymove, unless you wanted to deep down,

you might have to leave him , cos you are going to grow to regret it if you put it up for adoption ,

follow your heart its the only way, and i mena baby comes first always ]

Answer 4

there is so much help out there for single parents. and if he will leave you because you want to keep the consequence of  both of you then you should probably think about your relationship. But remember that Your relationship might not last if you give up the baby because of how you may feel after wards.

Answer 5

I'm sorry youre in that situation,,

this is my opinion, take it or leave it....

:)

If he didnt want kids he should have kept his zipper up.  Its your body and your choice and if you want the baby then keep it!  Make sure you get child support papers for it though, cause he's a jerk if he would leave you after two years for having his baby..... its not like he didnt do anything to cause that.

He should step up and be a man and get the finances in order and raise the baby.  If not then you are a strong woman and you can find a way to take care of this child,,,if thats what you really want.

Answer 6

I was adopted from birth and from what little I know about my birthmom she was unable to provide me the kind of life that she felt that I deserved. If you are unable to support yourselves how can you support a child. Children are not cheap and they require a lot of time, attention and money. If you are not willing or able to provide for this life then allow one of the thousands of married women who are unable to biologically have a child but can provide for a child adopt yours. Think about this child's future...how will he/she grow up if you decide to keep him/her? Would your child be better off growing up in another family? Think about your life and what if your mom had decided to keep you instead of giving you up for adoption. How would your life have been different and consider the future of your child.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you are in that predicament.  I see that an abortion is not in your mind...so...

#1 don't let that jerk threaten you with saying that he would leave you.  Face it, if he was to die (the jerk), you wouldn't give up the baby because you were going to end up a  single mom...would you?

#2 follow your gut girl!  You know within your heart you can't do that, to wonder the rest of your life if that baby is ok, cold, hungry, depressed?

#3 I know is stressful, but is because he is pushing you to make such a decision without you been ready!  Take him out of your life for a while and just think, you and your baby...

At the right time, you will know what to do, by then I'm sure you will have gather the strength to tell him..."you know what?  is time for YOU to go" and keep on going strong.

Many Blessings to you and your baby!!!

Answer 8

well, if you knew he didn't want kids and then now you are pregnant, who's fault is this really? BOTH OF YOURS....but i have to put the bigger balme on him for blowinghis load in you when he knew what the consequences were. and what were YOU thinking, knowing he didn't want kids and not being on birth control? you aren't one of those who thought if you got pregnant that he would change his mind are you? they never do. if he says he doesn't want them then it means he doesn't want them. no means no. it works for us just as well as it does for you girls.....until you hear it and then it's a big deal.

he is right in looking forward to the financial implications....when you have a child, life as you know it now is over.....unless you have all the material things you want, are established in a career with an amount of disposable income, and can give your child a good quality of life then you aren't ready. and it sounds like you aren't.

kids cost an unbelievable amount of money to raise. just take a walk through the store and look at the prices on diapers, food and clothes. then ask yourself what if something goes wrong? my daughter was 5 weeks premature and spent 6 weeks in the intensive care nursery...at 500 a day just for the bed not counting anything else.

childhood illnesses....school, projects, field trips, lunch money.....it takes two incomes for two single people to live and have any kind of life....now add a kid and it just doubled from what it would take to keep the two of you in a relatively decent lifestyle.

if i had known then what i know now, i would have waited another 10 years before i had them. at least then i could have afforded them and given them the kind of lifestyle i have now.

think long and hard about whether you want to keep this child or your boyfriend. one way or the other, you're going to lose one of them. if you can't give the child a leg up in life by being able to provide for it better than you were by your parents, give it to someone who can.

Answer 9

At least he's caring about financially supporting the baby. It is a hard decision to make. And if you two are both not prepared and ready, then maybe he is right, the best decision is to give the baby up for adoption. But I know what you mean by wanting to keep the baby as well. It's /your/ child and you want to watch it grow. I was close to giving up my own child--due to me  having some family troubles. I was capable with taking care of a baby, I had a job, an apartment, and could financially afford a baby....but I wanted the baby to have a life I never had--a mom and dad always there......

In the end I decided to keep the baby, in which I am very happy about. I love my daughter with all my heart. And I'm glad her dad came around. The thing was, I didn't want to raise the child alone, because the father was being kept away from me by his side of the family--his family hated me. He wanted more than anything to raise the baby with me. Now we're engaged and have our life together with our three year old.

Whatever decision you make, figure out which is best for the baby.

Answer 10

Your carrying the baby and you get to give birth to it.  That means YOU get to decide what to do..

He does want to have children before he has a life,,? Well he should have thought about that before he got  you pregnant.  

He say he will leave you if you decide to keep it.  THEN LET HIM LEAVE... Do you really want him around if he is going to be this way.  ?

Answer 11

How old are you.?

Can you take care of a child at the time.?

Maybe hes right maybe you should

put it up for adoption

but dont listen to NO ONE exept you

do what YOU want to after all your going to have

to live with this and go threw the pain.

good luck

Answer 12

You should put the baby on ebay and see how much you get.  Go for it!!!

Answer 13

The way you feel right now will never end. It will always feel like you did something you didn't want to do. I told this story just today. I had a boyfriend who didn't want any kids. I respected his wishes, we broke up a year or so later, his next girlfriend got pregnant right away and after the baby was born she left him and the baby. I see him once in a while he has a great son whom he raised by himself since birth. Don't make any decision until it is time to make it and don't make any decision you are not 100% positive you want to make. Anything else hurts too much and for too long.

Answer 14

SLOW DOWN!!!

Two months pregnant is far too soon to make this decision...especially since the biological father is coercing you.

Does he really think the quality of the child's life will be poor or will HIS quality of life be poor because he will be paying child support?

Your carrying this baby so this child is "real" to you....for him it is just an abstract concept. Woman become mothers when they find out they are pregnant.....men become fathers when they hold their child for the first time. Some may disagree with what I am saying but specifically with younger men this is true.

He is looking at this pregnancy as an inconvience that he can get rid of......you however will live with this for the rest of your life. Adoption made me the mom of a wonderful little girl.....but adoption should never be forced.

You OBVIOUSLY do not want to place your child for adoption....I encourage you to seek out all your options....including being a parent.....a single one. It does not sound like your going to get much help from this guy. The sooner you accept that the clearer your head will be to move on and make plans for you and your baby.

I wish you and your baby the best of luck.

Go with your heart! You can do this.....you can be the mom you want to be. :-)

Answer 15

Men come and go in your life, but your child is forever!  No one should be allowed to talk you into giving up your baby, if you don't want to do it.   What if you and your boyfriend break up a couple of years down the road, and you've made the decision to give up your little one?   You will regret making that decision for the rest of your life!

If you look into your own heart and genuinely don't think that you are able to parent a child right now, then you have a right to make an adoption plan for your baby.  But if you are doing it just to please your boyfriend, or to keep him around, you are making that decision for the wrong reasons.

Please give this some serious thought.  It may be the biggest decision you will ever make in your life, and you want to do the best thing for you AND your baby.   Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 16

If he loved you he would not force you to choose between him and your child.  It's emotional blackmail.

If you want to keep this baby then look to family and friends for support.  There are also plenty of social service programs that you can get to help you raise your child.  Do not let ANYONE pressure you to do something you don't want.

You both have plenty of time before you need to decide if adoption is right for you, who knows he could change his mind.

Answer 17

he obviously isn't a nice person if he is pressuring you so badly. i would love to see you next time he says have you come to a decision and you turn around and tell him to get out. i think you should do that regardless of whether you keep your baby. but that isn't my decision to make. he got you pregnant, so why isn't he able to deal with the consequences anyway? but anyway, make your own decision on whether to keep the baby or not without even bringing him into it. could you cope with the help of your family? if you can, then it is up to you what you want to do.

Answer 18

Support For Birthparents and

I know this can be a very hard situation.

First of all, I thinkhe has a point. And So do you!!

I had a child I gave up for adoption.

It was for the best and , there is open adoption.

I Am including a link to a place that is a good resource for someone to talk to..they are there to chat with right now if you want.

Whatever you decide, remember is this person being smart or just being selfish sometimes sacrifice is best....whatever you decide I hope and pray for you.

Pregnant Women

Whether you are just starting to explore adoption or you are searching for an adoptive family that fits what you are looking for, we can help you learn more about adoption and locate the resources you seek.

Lifetime has been committed to supporting birth families and helping children since 1986. We can help you with your needs immediately, and offer the support and counseling that you may be seeking.

Follow the link below  to learn more about adoption and how we can help and support you in choosing your child's future.

Answer 19

poor you . i was also adopted at birth so no how you feel .  you have to follow you re hart on this one its not going to be easy but don't be pushed in to it. if you wanna chat e mail me . good luck with every thing

Answer 20

It is too soon to make any decisions yet. Look into all of your options before you give him an answer. If you do this just to "keep" him, you will end up resenting and blaming him. So you will eventually loose him anyway because you will end up hating him for making you give up your baby.

Answer 21

Sorry, but if I was in this sistuation I would keep my baby. i understand liking and loving someone, but the baby should come first. You won't be the first women to ever be a single parent. Give your boyfriend sometime, he might have a change of heart once that baby arrives. The decision might seem hard, but it really isn't. The baby needs you, your the mother. One thing I always told myself is that I could never give away my children. Remember your baby might want to know the reason why you gave it up, will the excuse be because of the father? Don't let him control you. You can make it one your own. Mostly all first time parents go through financial troubles, if they didn't prepare before having a child.

*If I had to choose the boyfriend or baby.........I pick the baby.

Answer 22

follow your heart

if you want to keep the baby you should

im sure there are other people in your life who could support you

if you love him well maybe adoption is the answer

but the way hes treating you isnt bery nice

Answer 23

Don't do it.  That's your baby, your flesh and blood.  Your child will always wonder why you didn't want him or her, and you will always regret it.

Answer 24

You have to do wuts best for you and your baby. No matter wut you have to live with your decision. He may not be around forever and when he is gone you still will live with the idea that  you have a child out there somewhere. You are going to have this baby inside of you for 9 months and you will have a bond that you never knew u could have. You already are forming and attachment to your baby. You can get your life together you still have time you can go to school find better job there so much assistance out there. U can even get a lower income apartment. Taking care of  your baby will come natural you just have to step up and your boyfriend to but you can do with him or you can do it with out him. I have been there it can be done. Pray about this.But  you are going to love your baby and you will be able to take care of your baby.

Answer 25

i think he will change his mind after he feels the baby moveing inside you. and sees the baby after you give birth.

Answer 26

I don't like the fact he is pressuring you to give up this baby you BOTH created.  

This is your child, you have a say.

Seems he is giving the choice either you give up the child or he is gone.  I know in my heart you will come to regret the decision. Especially after you give birth to the baby and then hand that child to another family. You will become curious over the years.

Question yourself.  I feel you will regret only because you are still "undecided" only because of what he wants.

What will happen if you two break up after you give up for adoption?

What will you feel about giving your child up? A year? 5 years? 10 years?

What about if he leaves if you don't give the baby up? Do you feel a guy is more important than a baby that shares your blood?

When you become pregnant, that baby inside you comes first along with your health. That is my opinion!

The only answer to that is this:  There is a door. See your way out!

Never choose YOUR child over a guy. Never never never!!! This should not be an option for you to think about.

He KNEW that getting pregnant is a chance when having s*x. Now that you are pregnant, he can't do the "my way or the highway".

If he doesn't want to be a father. Fine. But you be all you can be to that child. You can raise that baby on your own. If he don't want to pay child support, then have him sign his rights away and you be the best mom and dad to that child.

One day when you get older, that baby will grow and there will be a true man out there who will do what this "bf" of yours should of done.

I came from a single parent home of 3.  Don't worry about being a single parent. I turned out just fine.

He isn't thinking of the child in reality. It is not that the environment or financially stable. It just seems he doesn't want to be "tied down". Especially that you two are just dating.

If you give this child up, give the child up for the child's life benefit. Don't give it up all because he wants you to.

Answer 27

Oh boy.

My condolences, sincerely.

This is a tough situation, and it's going to take some hard headed decision making.

First off, he's wrong if he says that the baby is better off if it grows up "Rich", simply because most people ARE "POOR".

Yet they all have children and live good lives.

Otherwise the entire population would be rich, and the population of rich people is what.. 3%?

So money should not be a problem unless you're extremely poor. (Been there not too long ago)

You have to make up your mind if you want to raise the baby or not. WITH OR WITHOUT HIM.

If he's not willing to help at all with the baby you have to take him out of the picture and ask yourself if it's possible/probable/worthwhile to raise the child without him involved in any way.

A word of confidence if you choose to have the baby, us men tend to not realize how much we care for our offspring, until we see it, but after that... NIAGARA FALLS.

Answer 28

Ii don't know how anyone could put their baby up for adoption.My husband have been trying for a baby for a while now, and nothing has happened. I understand about the money situation and the age as well. I am 20 and he is 24. Later I beleive you two would regret this. What if you couldn't have anymore children, or something happened to your guy a little later and he couldn't produce good spermies? I would invovle both sets of parents for help on this one. Your guys is just scared that things would be too tight I think money wise. Maybe come up with a way to make more money, remember you have 7-8 months to save! Please make this descion together and talk about it some more so you do not regret it later. That is really hard. If you really care about him, and he does care about you then I would talk more. TALK TALK TALK. I know men hate it, but thats the only way along with invovling the parents for advice. I wish you the best. I could not imagine myself ever giving up a child from the person I love truly...

Answer 29

What if after the baby is born, you grow attached and won't let go? Follow ur heart. If ur boyfriend leaves u bcos u decided to keep ur child, he is not worth it. That means that he still needs to grow up.

Answer 30

what's a girl to do...

1) if you are undecided, DO NOT MAKE AN ADOPTION PLAN.

2) many people raised kids on a modest income.

3) if he is hounding you daily about adoption, perhaps you should really take a long hard look at your relationship.

4) comments from people who work for adoption agencies, who purport to have placed their kids, or who have NEVER been pregnant, should be ignored.

5) there are many programs to assist you in overcoming the TEMPORARY hardships you are facing.

6) good luck :-)

Answer 31

I know it is his baby to but really it is not his decision to make

You are the one who will carry the baby and have the experience of giving birth with it.

You do what feels right for you, after all you may regret it and end up dispising him for making you do it